D and I woke up at 8 am this morning and made it to the clinic for the 9 am blood test. The nurses keep telling me that we will have a boy and a girl.. everyone including D believes we are having twins... I have no idea. I thought I knew my own body, after all I have been in the same one for the last 29 years, and yet it seems I am the last one to know what is going on within it. For the last 9 years of my life on countless occasions I was convinced to be pregnant and yet when I did get pregnant for real I didn't have a clue! D knew before I found out! So after this I am not even going to try make a guess about how many babies we are having. There is no way I can tell and the beta numbers cannot be directly linked with singles or twins pregnancies. Everyone thinks otherwise!
Anyway, we then went to have a big breakfast filled with all the nutrients I need and then food shopping. We bought so many yummy and healthy stuff so that this working week we are set.I bought the book Eating Well When You're Expecting and it explains the types of foods I am supposed to eat and I need to have in my diet. So D and I went about doing the shopping based on that. We got lots of fruit and vegs, lean meat and dairies. I feel so healthy and I have only just started this process. It's a good thing I am not craving junk food.
D went to play some golf and I sat in the sun reading my book and listening to my meditation. We then had lunch and now we are home chilling before dinner with friends at this new cool restaurant tonight.... cannot wait!!
Through all of these activities, the thought that has never left my mind and makes me jump every time I phone rings is... what will the second beta be like? Will it be a good strong number? Will it be just enough? Can things still go wrong? I confessed to D that I am scared that things might go wrong now. He told me that I should try to relax and enjoy pregnancy, he said: "now we are just another ordinary pregnant couple! " That is a pretty good way of looking at it. Just because it took us longer and we had to seek medical help to get here, it does not mean it's going to wrong, right? I suppose part of the worrying comes from the whole IVF experience. Women who get pregnant straight never stop to think that something could go wrong because they haven't had anything going wrong so far. They are truly blessed. For us IF women, the worry begins when we cannot conceive and continues from then on. I remember a woman on one of the boards I am on who did not allow herself to be confident and happy about her pregnancy until she was almost ready to deliver. As much as we want to the worry never truly goes away. Given this, I still want to try to enjoy my pregnancy after all I have waited for this for a long long time and it would be a shame if I don't allow myself to enjoy it and make the most of it.
In the meantime I sit by my phone waiting for it to ring and check it actually works every 10-15 minutes.... like I've said the worry never truly goes away.