April 28, 2010
April 26, 2010
What if I didn’t live in a time and place where ART was an option?
D and I often wonder the "What Ifs" of our story to date. What if we started earlier? What if we didn't move abroad and could not have afforded IVF? What if we lived in a country that allowed you to preserve your embryos for future use? You get the picture. Out of all these Ifs, the one that stands out to me the most is .. What if we lived in a time and place where IVF was not an option?
If I was TTC during my parents years I would probably never be pregnant. I had an great uncle and aunt who never had kids but who adopted instead. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary with that as a child and it wasn't until I grew up that I found out the reason they adopted. My aunt and uncle got pregnant with twins before getting married. In those days having babies out of wedlock was as bad as a sin. So they decided to have an abortion. The person that performed the abortion did a really bad job and as a result my aunt was left infertile. They adopted a little girl years later. I suppose that if D and I lived in those times that's what we would be looking into right now. Instead thanks to modern technology here we are 16 weeks pregnant with our Peanut.
There hasn't been a day that we don't thank our lucky stars for this miracle. We cannot stop saying to everyone who wants to hear it how blessed we really are. Our chances of conceiving looked grim and with a failed IVF cycle behind us we really thought that God might have had a different plan for us. But then we started cycle number 2 and on January 25th we found out that the impossible had indeed become possible. The years of tears, suffering and pain we had just been through now looked light years away because all was good in our world again.
People have already asked me if we will do IVF again for baby number 2 (I am only 16 weeks pregnant with Peanut!!!) Well unless my ovarian reserves magically improves rather than keep on diminishing and my tubes naturally open up than I say, yes IVF is on the cards again. I read that many IVF moms start TTC again as soon as their first baby is born. I think that we might end up being like those people in a year or so. Of course my mind gets clogged up with fresh What Ifs... What if by the time we start TTC again after Peanut is born we find out I have no eggs left? What if I stop working and we cannot afford to pay for IVF again? What if IVF doesn't work again? We were out for dinner recently and someone asked us if we would go through IVF again to add to the family later on and D's reply was realistic and so moving. He said: "Yes we will try IVF again as it worked for us in the end but if it doesn't work again, than we should know not to be too heartbroken because we have been blessed more than many other people for whom it has never worked."
I tell every person that asks me about my pregnancy of how much we wanted this baby, how long we waited for this baby and how if it wasn't for ART and IVF in our case, we would never be pregnant. I am sure the What Ifs will always follow me through life. Even now that I am pregnant I am constantly worrying about Peanut and ask myself... What if something goes wrong? What if there is something wrong with Peanut? I hear from other women that this is yet another "privilege" reserved to us IF women. I suppose we have struggled so much to get to where we are that we are so scared someone is going to take it all away from us at any moment. Ultimately though I cannot help but being thankful that I am struggling with these latest What Ifs, because I am really aware that if we were living in another time we would not be experiencing what we are experiencing now and for that I will forever be grateful.
To know more about infertility please visit the following link www.resolve.org/infertility101 and this url giving the background of National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)www.resolve.org/takecharge You can also found out more about the What If project here http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2010/04/bloggers-unite-project-if/
April 25, 2010
April 22, 2010
April 21, 2010
April 20, 2010
- safe and secure car seat with Isofix base;
- a pram that is compatible with the car seat so that if the baby is asleep in the car seat we can attach the car seat to the pram without waking him/her;
- we want a pram/stroller that can be used from birth preferably without the use of a separate carrycot;
- easy to fold;
- wide enough so that baby is comfy as he grows.
Now tell me if I am asking too much? As I typed this I got distracted and conducted another search and I think I might have found THE one. It's not a fashionable-celebrity kind of pushchair, it more of an unknown safe brand. The name is Britax and it's a German brand and it's safety records is one of the best in the world for car seats. Our Peanut is going to be safe! They make stylish and practical pushchairs and amongst them it's the one I like the most. It's called B-Smart and it ticked all the boxes above. We can use it from birth as it reclines flat, it's light but stable, I can add the car seat to it, it's easy to fold, it has plenty of space for Peanut's things, the seat can either face us or to the outside, the tyres are anti puncture and on and on! We are also going to buy the car seat with its Isofix base from the same brand because as I have said they have one of the safest records when it comes to baby safety. The colour selection is not as large as other makes but that's not the main selling point for me. They have a lime green and a red which are cool.. or a classic black or denim. We shall see.
Now after all of this search you would think that all I am left to do is go to a store and try it. Well I wish I could do that but it seems that Britax is not easily available in the UAE. So I am back to searching mode trying to locate stores that sell it. Wish me and poor D luck!
April 14, 2010
April 11, 2010
April 7, 2010
This morning we went for our end of our first trimester u/s and to make it special it was a normal u/s not an internal one! When she said let’s look how the baby is doing I got ready on the table with my button clothes off.. then she said it was going to be an external one! HAHA It does not matter of course but I thought it was funny. She pressed gently on my belly and felt the uterus and then held my hand to show me where it is and did the same to D so he could feel it too. It starts from about an inch under my belly button. You can feel soft skin and then all of a sudden hard. Then we were ready to look at our little Peanut and there he/she was. Moving about his arms and hands and feet and legs. It was incredible! The doctor did the NT scan again and as last time all looked great then she measured his head and he is measuring a week ahead of schedule. Then his body and all looks great, Peanut measure about 10 cm now and about a week ahead of schedule! She looked for the sex but it’s too early as all looks about the same so she said to wait. We don’t mind waiting as long as all looks great that’s all that matters. We are going back in 3 weeks. I don’t know how I will survive that long without seeing Peanut but as I saw that everything looked great now I will hopefully manage another 3 weeks. She also mentioned that she will send us to a doctor in a neighboring city who does 3 and 4 d ultrasounds at around 20 weeks for the morphology ultrasound. We love the sound of seeing our baby in 3d!! Should be incredible! I also got the news I have been waiting for, after I finish the new box of progesterone I bought this week I get to stop it completely and as of today I can stop doing the weekly injections.
I then went to register Peanut at the first nursery I went to see. It’s good to have a back up place just in case the other one does not come through. I am asking a friend to help as he knows the owner of this one nursery. D said it is so funny how we are already fussy about which nursery to send the baby too.. how are we going to be like for schools!!! Love it!!
April 5, 2010
April 4, 2010
This weekend was bittersweet as D went to Greece to visit his family for Easter and I was left behind. I cannot travel as my doctor advised against it so I took him to the airport on Friday morning and kissed him goodbye. The first night alone in the big house was scary. I woke up at 3 am and wondered around the house checking doors and windows. I have always HATED being home alone and now especially with a baby to defend I felt like a bull dog!! Looking out for possible troubles. I finally managed to fell asleep and woke up at 9.30 feeling ok. Yesterday I had a good friend over to the house so the day was filled up and lovely, then I made fish for me and Peanut and also had a 10 pm craving for pasta which was fulfilled by left over pasta!! I went to bed after watching super happy movies and slept like a big baby!! I am missing D like CRAZY.. I hate it when we are apart even for a day so for him to be gone for 5 days seems like a month to me. I cannot wait till he gets back on Tuesday night and Peanut and I get to pick him up at the airport. He needed to see his family and his grandma in particular. She is such a sweet lady and very wise. They are having a wonderful Easter lunch as we speak and I so wish I could be there too!
Today it’s a working day for me but I was determined to bring Easter in with me. I got eggs to distribute to colleagues and I was everyone’s fav person in the office!! I also went to check out the first of two nurseries we are interested in. This is not our first choice but then again they have places available so we had to check it out. I was introduced to a whole new world, the world of nurseries and nursery talk. I have to admit that my first impression was not WOW this is where I would feel comfy leaving my baby then again I am sure most parents feel the same. No place is good enough for our little ones. They showed me around and told me the rules of the nursery etc at the end they gave me a booklet with their fees and other information. I left holding on tight to my belly and thinking.. how will I ever be able to leave my baby. I know it’s going to be tough and I will cry every day and rejoice every night we get him back! I am still holding out that we get a place at this other nursery but then again we have not seen this other nursery and I could feel the same... We have until Wed at 4 pm to register Peanut and in case we decide we like the other better we lose the deposit but at least our baby will have a place to go to. A lot to think about with D when he gets back!