WOOO HOOO!! Our prayers were answered, we are pregnant and all is going really well!! Our doctor called and she laughed at the fact that I answered at the first ring tone.. she was like:" were you glued to the phone?" I said of course. She told me that the numbers are looking GREAT, they have more than doubled and this means that things are going very well. She does not want to have another beta as she is reassured by the numbers but we will instead get to see our baby(ies) on Thursday the 11th of February. I will be 5weeks and 5 days!! I am feel so blessed with this amazing news and thank God for answering our prayers once again. Today is a wonderful day.....
'The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children' Authorn Unknown
January 30, 2010
The second and final beta is......
WOOO HOOO!! Our prayers were answered, we are pregnant and all is going really well!! Our doctor called and she laughed at the fact that I answered at the first ring tone.. she was like:" were you glued to the phone?" I said of course. She told me that the numbers are looking GREAT, they have more than doubled and this means that things are going very well. She does not want to have another beta as she is reassured by the numbers but we will instead get to see our baby(ies) on Thursday the 11th of February. I will be 5weeks and 5 days!! I am feel so blessed with this amazing news and thank God for answering our prayers once again. Today is a wonderful day.....
waiting for the second beta results is.... so hard!!!
January 29, 2010
yup... I am still PREGNANT!!
- sore, itchy, warm and bumpy boobs (started on 3dp5dt);
- light cramps and twinges (started 2dp5dt);
- feeling hot and then cold (started3dp5dt);
- heartburn (started 7dp5dt);
- increased appetite (started 7dp5dt);
- dizziness (when I sit down for too long and I get up but also out of the blue 3dp5dt);
- bloated and warm belly (7dp5dt);
- very faint BFP (4dp5dt)
January 28, 2010
drum roll please.... first beta result is....
7dp5dt.... PREGNANT!!!!!
Well this morning I followed D's advised and I POAS again on both the cheap Internet one and the FRER and there they were two beautiful lines that appeared straight away!!! I woke up D, switched on the light and blinded him and told him: "look at this.. we are pregnant!!!!! He was ecstatic!!! He said he knew as he has never seen me go so crazy as last night and because of all the faint lines we have been getting. He is happy that I believe it too now!!! Anyway, I went to the clinic on my own as I thought they would not do the beta now as it's too early. They were so surprised I got a BFP this early (if they only knew I tested all the way...!!) so they did a blood test there and then and even before the 5 minute bang the two lines appeared and the nurse showed me straight away!! I am PREGNANT!!!
January 27, 2010
6dp5dt - losing hope.....
January 26, 2010
5dp5dt - another faint line.. a little darker!!
After falling back to sleep my alarm woke me up at 6.30 - POAS time, followed by progesterone time and sleep until 7.30 (work time). So I POAS, inserted the progesterone and miraculously fell back to sleep. When the alarm went off again I literally jumped off the bed, sprinted to the toilet and looked. There they were, two lines again. Slightly darker than yesterday. I knew they would not be super dark and that it takes time so I know to be happy with this. I hope and pray tomorrow brings up a clearer and darker line so we can relax a bit. Right as if, I know myself and even if the line does get darker I won't be relaxed until I get my beta results. Yeah right.. I know I won't be relaxed until my baby (ies) is born!!! :))))
The cutest thing of the day was D's face when I came back from the toilet. He was waiting to hear if it got darker and when I told him it did, even if only slightly, he smiled, kissed me and went back to sleep. I love him so much.
January 25, 2010
I am not seeing double....
January 24, 2010
panicked...
3DP5DT paranoia has set in...
January 23, 2010
Just to keep track of things...(I know.. insane!!)
22nd Jan - 1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
23rd Jan -2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
24th Jan - 3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
25th Jan - 4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
26th Jan - 5dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells 27th Jan - 6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
28th Jan - 7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
29th - 8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
30th Jan - 9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT
2DP5DT ... a say a lil' prayer...
Give me the strength to accept that things are the way they are.
Let me try and relax and not obsess over every little possible sign/symptom.
Give me hope that eventually we will hold our own babies in our arms and that even if things look bleak... we will keep the faith.
Don't let me forget to thank D for all of his support and for always being there for me every step of the way. For never giving up and for all of his love.
January 22, 2010
1dp5dt
January 21, 2010
It's THE day!!!!
January 20, 2010
not a good day....
January 19, 2010
We are set for a 5 day transfer!!!!!
I say this and of course have been obsessing all day Gooogling "3 blasts transfers", "risks of a 3 blasts transfers" "how many embryos to transfer on day 5?" you get the picture! Am I any wiser? Nope. Am I more freaked out? Yup. Morale of the story.. keep away from Google and trust what knowledgeable and experienced doctors and trust their decision! I feel better.
I also did something else tonight. I POAS. I know you must be thinking the woman is nuts! The embryos are not even in yet and she is testing?! This woman needs help!!! Ok, the reason I am doing it is because this time around I am going on a POAS marathon. I am planning on testing every day from the day of the transfer. I want to monitor when the trigger is out of my system and when I can start getting real BFPs. So today I POAS and guess what.. I got my very first BFP!! Of course it's fake but it's so amazing to see those two lines there. I never got a BFP before so to see those two lines there gave me the biggest smiles. I walked into DH who was playing on the Wii and I announce :" Sweetie pie, guess what? I am pregnant!" He was laughing so bad and of course said that this just goes to show what a crazo I really am..
waiting... waiting ... waiting...
January 18, 2010
We got 8 embryos!!!!
January 17, 2010
9 out of 10 were injected with ICSI.. fert report.. tomorrow morning!!!
- wear comfy clothes and shoes that are easy to slip on and off;
- bring a blanket with you and after the ER let your husband cover you with it - it's just so comforting;
- bring a panty liner with you to wear after ER - you are likely to have a little bit od spotting so a panty liner should cover that;
- make sure you DH is with you (or if he is not allowed to be in with you during the ER have him wait for you after)
- make sure you take the day off work - there is no way you can work on that day and your doc will happily write you a sick note;
- make sure you rest after the ER and that you take it easy - putting a heating pad on your belly helps relieve pain;
- drink plenty of liquids as you are probably disidrahitated
I have done this twice and this time I was prepared!!! Well, I was prepared in terms of things to bring but of course I was not prepared to be in that much pain. According to D, I was in pain on the right because my cervix was in the way and I was in pain on the left as my follicles were positioned very high up in my ovaries. Anyway at one stage, and I vaguely remember this, I said I was waking up and so they gave the full amount of the anethetic and I was out cold. Whether last time I was asking D questions, this time he said my eyes were rolling back and I my lips turned really white! I was out cold. At least I stopped feeling pain. I started coming around but much slower than last time. Then once I was more conscious I got dresssed but then I layed down again and fell in and out of sleep. I was like this until around 8 oclock .
In the end we were waiting to see the creation of the embryos like we did last time. The embryologis has a video and the film is transmitted into the recoverying room. This time he was late and as we had not eaten yet and I was still in zombie land, we decided to go home. We hate and then I got on my online to write on here. I have to say that I don't remember much of that either!! Scary!!
This morning I woke up and I felt better. My belly is still sore at times but I do feel much better, especially as I am sober! LOL!! I knew I had to wait for the call of the doctors but I could not so I made it to 9.40 and then I called them. I spoke to the embryologist's right hand woman and she told me that all looks great and that they worked late that's why they did not call. Anyway, she told me that yes I understood right, they got 10 eggs! Out of those 10 wonderful eggs, 9 were mature for ICSI!! That is pretty amazing considering we were thinking we were going to get a max of 7 eggs! I wanted to get the first fert report but because they worked late last night, she will check on the 9 embryos this evening and then will update me tomorrow morning first thing!! I cannot wait to hear how our babies are doing!! I am thinking of them strong and healthy..!!! She told me that as we did not see the video she took a recording for us and she will burn it on a cd so we can keep it! I am so happy and cannot wait to see it!! Last time it was just magical (perhaps it was the drugs) and I am sure this time will be even more so!!!!
I told her that we are planning on doing a blast transfer on day 5, now we just need to hope that 3 make it to that stage so we can transfer all 3!! I know it's risky as we could end up with triplets but the possibility of that it's rare considering I have never been pregnant before and that all the problems with our fertility are dependent on me. We still need to run this by our doctor, so we need to wait and see what she recommends but we will push for a 3 blast transfer!!
Even after all the pain and stress of yesterday, I am exuberant today. Knowing that on the other side of the city in a clean and organised lab, our 9 embryos are growing strong, waiting to be transferred back on Thursday. Grow embryos grow!!!
January 16, 2010
ladies and gentlemen... we have 10 eggs!!!
we are so blessed....
ready or not ER day is upon us!!
January 14, 2010
we are ready to trigger!!!!!!
We trigger tomorrow morning at 5 am. We will have to wake up at 4.30 so that I get enough time to ice and so that D can get the Pregnyl ready for the 5 am injection time. Icing my leg at 5 4.45 in the morning is going to be a B*&^ but it's all for a good cause!! We will then be ready for the ER on Saturday the 16th at 4pm. I am over the moon that it's an afternoon event rather than first thing in the morning and so i D. Like this we can relax and get ready for it in our time without having to rush.
I remember last ER was quick and painless, I hope and pray for a similar result. Considering I have less eggs it will probably be quicker. D will be in with me again. Bless him last time the whole experience was traumatic for him as I was complaining about the pain towards the end, even though I don't remember this of course. So this time I told him that even if I complain of pain not to worry too much as I won't remember it once I wake up. He said that I kept asking him how many eggs we got. I must have asked him about 50 times!! Right at the beginning I looked at him and asked him: "are you D?" It seemed that I did not recognise him with the whole surgical dress! Another thing I did was ask him to "check on me" after they were done.. again I don't remember this... He said he wished he hadn't of course as things did not look pretty! Poor D!!!
I am going to take an antibiotic from tonight until the night of the retrieval to make sure that all is clear and infection free. I did not take this last time and I think my doctor wants to cover all possibilities this time around. I will also take a pain killer on the day of ER like I did last time. My diary is filled with information. If there is one advice that really helped me in this process more than any others is: Get a diary! I take it with me to all my appointments and it helps so much to remind me of what to do and when. If I didn't have it, there would be no way I would remember when my next appointment is or what injection to take when... it's my life saver!
I rejoice today as all is good in our world . I am thankful to have such a wonderful husband by my side.. I am one lucky lady!!
January 13, 2010
one more day....
January 12, 2010
New Year's resolutions for 2010...
A friend of mine sent me an " Handbook for 2010" and some of those "rules" hit home. The ones that stuck with me and that I hope to bring with me in 2010 are:
- Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
- Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
- Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
- Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
- Dream more while you are awake
- Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
- No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
- Each day give something good to others.
- Try to make at least three people smile each day.
- Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
- However good or bad a situation is, it will change...
- No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
- The best is yet to come..
- Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
And also, slow down on the road and stop getting speeding tickets.... I promise!!! :))))
January 11, 2010
Help, I am bloated!!!!
January 10, 2010
Massages are the way forward...!!!
January 9, 2010
we got follicles!!!!
January 8, 2010
blood....
January 7, 2010
Day 4 of injections and things are looking up...
Two more days worth of shots before we are going back to the doctors to see how our follicles are doing. I pray they are growing and maturing as they should be...only two more days till we find out. In the meantime we hope and we pray that this is the case....
January 6, 2010
This morning I came accross this beautiful poem...
Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
There are women that become mothers without effort,
without thought, without patience or loss and though
they are good mothers and love their children, I know
that I will be just as good a mother.
It will be not because of genetics, or money or
that I have read more books but because I have
struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain
their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and
discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for
the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night
to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort,
hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take
another temperature, pop another pill, take another
shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be
crying for me.
I count myself blessed in this sense; that God has given
me this insight, this special vision with which I will
look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a
child that God leads me to, I will not be careless
with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,
neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my
own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from
their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see
it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it
less lonely. I have learned the immense power of
another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that
moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and
when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion
that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.
~Author Unknown
January 5, 2010
my hero....
I feel for him so much. I can emphasise with him. If it was the other way around and I had to be the one giving him the injections, I would probably feel the same. I would fear administering the injections and fear causing him added pain. I hope to be doing the best I can to show him that he is not causing me harm, but he is making my life so much easier....I would hate to have to give myself the injections. I cannot even look when he does it!! If it wasn't for him I would have to go to the clinic everyday or find a nurse to do them and I know that his injections hurt less than the nurse's because he does them with all the love and affection of this world!!
After the first injection was over he looked more relived. I reassured him that it did not hurt one bit and that he still has his magic touch!! He started to look a normal pink colour which was reassuring to me!!LOL Tonight we start Menopur which has to be administered as an IM injection. Oh the many joys of IVF!! I am sure it'll be OK and even better tomorrow and the day after... I never stop thanking my lucky star for D..I am one lucky lady!!
January 4, 2010
Starting IVF cycle number 2 - the lucky cycle!!
I make it to the appointment and I am ready. As usual my RE goes through my history and overviews the previous cycle. To her the failure of my last cycle is still a mystery and she is more determined than ever to get this one to be the one that works. I love the attitude and it does rub off on me!!
I then have my usual u/s, the joys of having internal u/s during my period are endless. Not surprisingly there isn't much activity in my ovaries. She prints out the pics of my ovaries and my uterus and I get dressed. She then takes out my schedule plan, finally I will know what drugs I will be on and how much!!! I am hoping that given my good results this month, the dosage will be less than in cycle one. I am also secretly hoping for one of those gonal f pens... they look so easy and simple!!! Well I am lucky but not 100% lucky.. I did get a lower dosage instead of the 600 iu of menopur I will be starting on 400 iu of menopur and then the usual microdose luprong everyday but I didn't get the gonal f pen...!
Next check up will be on Sat afternoon and I cannot wait to see how things go!!! In the meantime, I am going to take it easy and avoid stress, I will do my visualisation twice a day or at least once a night and take things easy generally. I will try to eat more protein and drink only decaf coffee. I will concentrate on the positive and avoid negative influences.. I will pray to God and the universe to grant us this miracle...The rest is not in my hands.....