August 26, 2010

Looking back

I have just spent the last hour reading posts from the beginning of my 2nd cycle and I am now sitting here in tears. I need to get my act together as I am in the office! Reading back I cannot believe how blessed we are for our prayers and wishes to be answered. My last post of 2009 said that there was only one thing we wanted: to be blessed with a baby in 2010 and here we are in August with a baby who is almost ready to make her appearance. I looked at that first super faint BFP at 4 days after the transfer and actually got goose pumps, now that's crazy! How can a cheap Internet pregnancy stick give you such a buzz 8 months later?? Well it still does. That first super faint second line of two years of trying! It was so faint that it was there one minute and gone the next. I remember texting it to D at work and he could see it too.. I was not imagining things!

I think back at how that 2nd cycle started and how it continued, it had doomed all over it. I remember all the injections hurting, bleeding and bruising, the agony I was in during and after my ER when I woke up in the middle of it and they had to knock me out with more drugs, D telling me how much worst it was as she couldn't access the right ovary as easily, he said that's one thing he will never forget. I remember how we were told that none of the other 6 embryos made it to freezing and how lucky we felt knowing that we had 2 amazing looking blasts to implant. Despite all the odds being against us, here we are 45 days away from welcoming our baby girl into the world. Life surely is incredible.

You would think that after 8 months of pregnancy the feeling of being blessed would kind of go away and I would spend more time on the here and now but there isn't a day that goes by that D and I don't say how lucky we are to be where we are now. We both know how things could have easily turned the other way and how we would still be trying IVF, hoping for a miracle. There are still days when I wake up thinking it has all been a dream and I touch my belly wanting to feel its roundness and when I feel it I am able to breath again. People tell me if Izzy's night kicks keep me up or bother me, the truth is they never do. Her kicks are soothing for me, I fall asleep more easily knowing she is active in there because it means all is well. When I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, it's her movements that lull me back to sleep. People (that don't know me very well!) ask me if I am now tired of being pregnant and my answer is always No way! How can you be tired of something you have been praying and hoping for so long? How can I have enough when I know this might be the only time I'll ever experience pregnancy?? I count down to meeting Izzy because she is what it's all about, but in the meantime I am cherishing every moment of this amazing journey we have been on for the last 8 months and looking forward to the last month with excitment and anticipation!

Life surely is GREAT!


  1. It is great and I am so excited for you!!!!!!

  2. You are so sweet and genuine. You are speaking to my heart. I hope that someday like you, I will look back with deep appreciation, gratitude, and peace. I will be praying for you, your hubby, & Izzy. I'm so excited for you!

  3. Oh this is beautiful. You're definitely one prego girl that really and truly appreciates this - love this.

    Tears in my eyes for you...