September 6, 2010

Ode to pregnancy

Last night D touched my belly and said how full and hard it feels and asked me if I have had it with pregnancy and wish Izzy could just be born already. My instinctive reaction was "no way". The fact of the matter is that I have and still am loving every minute of pregnancy, I know it has a lot to do with how hard we tried to get pregnant and what we had to do to get pregnant but part of it is just me loving every minute of this experience and feeling great too.

Before I got pregnant I would suffer from a bad sensitive stomach, strong headaches, painful periods, night sweats, moodiness and the list goes on and on. On top of these annoying physical signs I was never truly happy in my own body and felt that my body had let me down by not allowing me to get pregnant. I was depressed for a good 2 years during our quest of getting pregnant and no amount of love or distractions would make it all ok. Since January 25th all of this has changed. Even though I had minor problems at the beginning of my pregnancy, I have never felt better in my life in terms of my body and also emotionally. My headaches, the bad stomach, the night sweats all of it is gone. Of course I haven't had a period in almost 9 months which has been an improvement for me! My hair is luscious and I hardly need to wash it, my nails are super strong and never break, my skin is as soft baby skin. I love my new body, love my big round belly and the bigger boobs, I don't mind the fact that I have gained more than the advised amount because I know all is well with the baby and that's what counts.

Emotionally I feel in my element; I feel happy beyond words and whenever something gets me down I think of what's going on in my body and that puts a big smile back on my face. I also thank my body for reacting to pregnancy in such an amazing way. I thank it for not letting me down and apologise to it for not trusting it could do it. It seems strange but I feel like I owed it to her after all the crap I gave her! I find myself laughing a lot more than I used to and I have a different prospective on the small things that used to annoy me or get me down. I just see them for what they are and ignore them.

I am still amazed with what's going on within my body and thank God for granting me this amazing miracle of pregnancy. When we first TTC I always assumed pregnancy was something everyone got to experience unless they chose not to and boy, was I wrong. Infertility has thought me that for some of us it's not that simple. I feel extremely blessed with this gift and it's this knowledge that it could have easily gone the other way that has never left me throughout this pregnancy. It's the fact that so many other women are still struggling to get to where I am and some other never will get here that has never allowed me to focus on the small annoyances of pregnancy. When I tell people how blessed I feel they look at me as in to say that everyone who gets pregnant is blessed. I agree but I don't necessarily know if other non IF women know how truly blessed they are to be pregnant and that it's not a gift granted to all.

I have to say I will miss being pregnant, of course I will have my baby girl in my arms and I will feel a new sense of awesomeness but for now I intend to make the most of the remaining "pregnant" time I have left.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you and what a lovely post. As someone still hoping to get (and stay) pregnant one day soon it is good to think that the infertility stress may, one day, give the positive gift of perspective.