July 21, 2010

I will never forget..

Last night I had a dream that IVF didn’t work for us and that we had decided not to try anymore. For some reason I had to watch women delivering knowing I would never experience this for myself. I woke up in a sweat and the first thing I did was touch my belly to make sure it was still there. This is something I do anyway but last night I felt a need to do so. When I felt the roundness of it and remembered that I am 28 weeks pregnant the fear left me but I started thinking of all the couples out there still struggling to get pregnant. I remember those feelings of "what if it never happens for us", the endless sleepless nights, all the crying whenever I saw a pregnant woman on the street, all the dreams of being where I am right now, the painful tests, the many bad news and all the injections. Now that my dream has come true there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God and the universe for this amazing gift. I feel so bless to be experiencing pregnancy and "please God let it be this way" childbirth and motherhood. I know how lucky I am to be pregnant and in this amazing experience there can't be enough highs.
Infertility has deprived me of many things but it has also thought me a lot and it had brought me to this wonderful community where women carry and support one another and for that I will be forever thankful. I cannot know what each and every woman/couple is going through because each experience, as similar as it might be, is different but I do hold you in my prayers and I do wish that you will get to where you want to be. I first heard this poem in the movie "In her shoes" and I want to dedicate it to all the ladies out there who are struggling to get to where they were MEANT to be....
I carry your heart with me E.E.Cummings
I carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


  1. I am with you...I always remember when the possiblity crossed my mind that we may go thru life childless. To have our children after going thru that and knowing what a blessing they are helps me to try and never take any moment with her for granted....even when she is having a terrible two day.

  2. so beautiful! Thanks for posting this poem ... and for remembering those still struggling with IF. I will keep you and Izzy in my thoughts as you head into this last stretch. (Thanks too, for stopping by my blog ... happy ICLW!)

  3. Such an awesome poem, love it.

  4. Oh this is beautiful. Thank you, Laura, from the bottom of my heart!!!

  5. that is a great poem.
    Horray for the third tri :)