December 10, 2009

Here is to good news...and to "officially" starting my cycle today!!!

So the doctor called me today. She got my results and my FSH this month is 8.5 which is good news!!!!In August it was a scary 13 and in November last year it was 8.3. I know that this does not mean my ovaries are going respond better or that this cycle will work but it's a positive result for me. The doctor seem to see it as such and so why shouldn't I do the same?!?

I commented just yesterday on a friend's blog on the fear us IVFers have on being positive. You get good results for once and your immediate reaction is feeling happy and positive. At the same time, deep down you know not to be too happy over results anymore.. bad results are the norm.. a positive result is a freak accident!! Last cycle I started positive and confident that it would work, there is no other way to look at it. Everyone tells you that positive mental attitude helps, so you fall for it and fall into this 'positive trap' but the truth is that unless you are one of the super lucky ones you get pregnant on the first try, you get crushed by bad news.

I have spent the last two months trying to build myself up for cycle number 2. This time around I know of the heartbreak that comes over you once you hear that your beta is negative... and being positive hasn't come easy. Today's news has boosted me back up, not to where I was in September but to a good level.... bring on January and my drugs!!! Today I start taking BCPs so I have officially started my cycle!! Now I wonder if I will be on the same meds or whether my RE will think to lower them a bit this time around... only time will tell... 3 weeks till the start of a new year and a brand new cycle filled with ... dare I say it... positivism!!!

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