December 7, 2009

CD 2 tests and ultrasound suck...being infertile sucks!!!

So today I went to the RE to see how to proceed next month. Now it's normal for my RE to be late but today she wasn't even in the office!! She has been attending conferences all this week so when I got to the office there was a new couple signing in with their little boy. How do I know they were signing in, because they were filling out the same forms we filled out. She was pregnant. I said my hellos to the nurses, all of them know me by name and know my history... most have them were there for my ER and ET. Anyway, I sat down and had a coffee. Then another couple arrived, she was pregnant also. I kept busy looking at my faceboook and avoiding the pregnancy magazines scattered everywhere in the waiting room.
After an hour waiting another couple arrived, she was pregnant too. I started to feel uncomfortable. I looked down at my newly acquired 'fertility bracelet' and held my 'fertility necklace' and hoped that some of their "pregnantness" rubbed off on me...! I am starting to look like "one of those crazy people".... I promised myself that if the doctor didn't get there in the next half hour I would have left.
Finally the RE arrived. She looked at my chart and asked me the usual questions, how I was feeling etc. Now considering I have been through this process before, I should have been prepared but I wasn't. She said I needed to get my day 2 blood test done and do a baseline ultra sound. My legs were unshaven, my bikini line a mess and to top it all off I was wearing a tampon. I hated every minute of it... After that was over she said that in order to suppress my hormones a bit more than last time, she will put me on the pill this time around. Great, I thought... then she said that she will call with the results this week to see how the FSH looks this month. I hate having my day 3 hormone test, I feel like I am doing an exam and each time I fail! She said to call her as soon as I get my period which should be around the 1/2 Jan so we can get started with number 2.
I asked her whether she would be willing to do a day 5 transfer and she said that it will depend on how many embryos we get this time and how many make it to day 3. We can be flexible and see how things proceed. DH and I are considering putting back 3 this time but again it all depends on her recommendations and how things look during this cycle.
After all of this, I was a nervous wreck, I was pissed off and upset that we have to go through this again. Starting cycle one was exciting as we didn't know the negatives yet, we felt we had it all to gain. Now, we know how bad the lows are and the fears of another failed cycle never seem to leave us. Infertility sucks and days like this can drown you emotionally... I am so glad I have a husband who is my best friend.
All we can do now is wait for the FSH and hope that it hasn't gone up further. One day at the time does it...

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