December 26, 2012

Something red

As far back as I remember I have always associated Christmas with the red colour. Well this year I truly saw red on Christmas Eve. I go my first post miscarriage period on Christmas Eve. My baby girl died on the 25th and a month later my body is moving on. I fell absolutely tired and exhausted with bad headaches and a lot of bleeding, my mum warned me that the first period is heavier and painful an it truly is. 

We have all of our families over for Chrismas this year, we planned it before I even knew I was pregnant but after we found out we looked forward to it a lot anticipation. After Francesca died the last thing I wanted was celebrating anything. I dreaded it in a way because I didn't know how I was going to be feeling. I am glad to say it has been great having my family and D's brother and sister in law here. We needed a distraction, we needed laughs and smiles and hugs. We needed people who love us around us.  I think about Francesca all the time and I have not talked about her or what happened with anyone but my mum and even when I did I felt the anxiety coming so I and to stop. Having everyone here has not healed me, it has not made the sadness and sorrow go away but it has helped my soul. There is nothing like a good hug from your mum to make things 'ok'.  They stay for a few more days no then they are off home which I am dreading. We live so far from our families that when we do get all together is just amazing and makes us wish we lived closer by. 

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