9 days old and all is GREAT

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Isabella is 9 days old today and we are so in love. Some days are tough, some days like today are easier but no matter what day we are having we are just so thankful she is in our lives and we feel so privileged to be her parents. She brightens up our lives with her smiles, her looks and her many cuddles and kisses. She sleeps in our room next to my side of the bed so it's easier to pick her up for feedings and seeing her first thing in the morning is just the most incredible feeling. She is changing by the day and is showing signs of her character emerging. She has her daddy's eyes and lips and some of his expressions. Everyday we look at her and wonder how much she has changed overnight. It's truly incredible to see how much she can change in one night. Her face is filling up and she is starting to get a little double chin which is just so cute. She has long hands and feet and we think she is going to grow taller than the both of us but then only time will tell. She feeds very well and we are both becoming good at it with times and it hurts less each day. I am so lucky to have a lot of milk and a baby eager to eat it. We are feeding her on demand at the moment and it's working very well. She wakes up between 2-4 hours to feed through the day and night and feeds for a long time until she is tired to go to sleep. I used to cut the feeding short as I notices she was getting sick afterward and being gassy but that didn't work well with Isabella and now I have gone back to the letting her feed until she needs to approach which works better for her and for us too as she is less fussy and more happy and rested afterward. It's all trial and error for now but we are getting there.

D and I are both home which is great as he is getting to know her as much as I before he has to go back to work. He is an amazing dad and even with little sleep he is still able to be calm and we both find ourselves laughing at things as they happen rather than despair. He is my rock and he always makes everything ok. I love him so much.

My parents went home yesterday and I have to say they left a big void when they did. The house seemed all silent and I miss having them around. Yesterday was worst but today I am already getting on with things and I know every day is going to get better. I loved having them around and I loved spending so much time with them after not having seen them for a whole year. My mom showed me a lot of tricks in terms of holding Isabella and what to do and what not to. I wish they lived closer by but for now I will wait till they come back for Christmas! I so wish for Isabella and I to have a similar relationship to the one my mom and I share, we truly love one another and we can spend hours together and still find loads to talk about. I miss her dearly.

Tomorrow we take Isabella for her first visit to the pediatrician. I researched which one to take her to and the one we are taking her to his a young doctor from Germany. He is relatively new in town but a lot of people are raving he is meant to be a great doctor. I cannot wait to hear what he says about Izzy's weight ( we think she is gaining not losing like all babies do after the first week to 10 days) and want to ask about her umbilical cord which is still attached. We cannot wait for it to fall off so we can give her a proper bath for now we just give a sponge bath.

I better go now as she is starting to cry for her next feed.. here are a few pics of our baby girl!

Labour story and on being a mamma

I finally get two minutes to write whilst Izzy is still asleep so here is my labour story...

Labour was a marathon for me! I was induced on Thursday at 6pm and didn't give birth until the next morning at 9.24 am. It was the most painful but amazing thing I have ever done in my life and as painful as it was, hearing my baby girl crying and opening my eyes and seeing her between my legs, was the most incredible and intense feeling I have ever felt! I was able to hold her straight away and the minute she was on my chest she stopped crying, I never felt happier. Then they put her on my side and I was able to breastfeed her which she did like a pro! D was by my side through it all. He would time and hold me during those painful contractions and then encourage me to push when he could see her head coming and I swear if it wasn't for him I would never have done it! He is truly my rock and the most amazing dad ever! He got the hang of changing diapers so easily and now that's his job!

I had a complication after the birth whereby my placenta would not deliver and after 4 hours of waiting for the or to free I was wheeled in. I hated being taken away from my baby and D so soon and part of me felt scare something would go wrong. I was told it was a 15 minutes thing but it ended up taking a whole hour. I was awake under an epidural and knew something was up when more and more doctors were coming in the room and they gave me 'something to relax me'. In the end the leading surgeon who operated on me came to speak to me. She told they got all of my placenta but that they also found a big 'bleeder' behind one of the 3 stitches I had done after the birth. It was a large haematoma the size of a fist. I lost 1 liter of blood but they got it all and I need to think of what a lucky break I got when the placenta didn't come out otherwise they wouldn't have caught in time. I started shaking and crying hearing this and didn't come down until D came to see me in the recovery room. I was still in shock and my blood pressure was all over the place so they suggested bring Izzy to see me so I would come down and so I did as soon as she was next to me in her cot.

Having lived throught this as well makes me feel even more thankful for the miracle we have been granted. We are truly blessed!

We are all home now and recovering well. I am on pain meds and antibiotics and iron but overall we are doing great. The antibiotics I take don't impact on the breastfeeding and so I am now a milk factory! I am blessed with a lot of milk and a baby who loves to feed! We are still finding our feet but we are managing well and every day seems a bit easier. I still see her as such a fragile baby and I cannot help but feeling nervous at times about accidentally hurting her. I suppose that's what moms do.. They worry!

Here are a few pics of Izzy as it seems yesterday's post didn't work out.. she is a true beauty but then I am biased!!

A few pictures of Isabella Anna

she is here

Our baby girl is here! Born on Friday the 15th at 9.24 am measuring 3.335 kg and 52cm. She is the most beautiful and amazing baby I have ever seen. I'll post her birth and my labour story later. Just wanted you all to knoe a new star is born! I am so in love!!!

i am in hospital

I am in hospital being induced today. My cervix is looking more favourable and I am a fingertip dilated. Izzy is still doing great and her heart is strong. If induction works then great if not then they'll do an emergency c-section. I was a bundle of nerves all morning and cried as I expected to be sent home and wait for a c-section but I am now feeling calm and relax and focusing on Izzy. D is keeping me company and we are in a nursery room with a bed waiting for our bed to become available! I cannot believe the day is finally here and that we are going to be holding our precious baby girl today or tomorrow. Life is about to change in a very special way!! How incredible!! I'll update you later if I can! Thanks girls for all your support!

update

I have been so busy over the last couple of days I have had no time to update you all. After spending all of Sunday in some sort of pain and then went to bed early with cramps and spent all night up with what felt like contractions. I slept a total of 2 hours but the next morning I was in no pain. That morning (Monday) I had my 40 week plus 1 day check- up, I told my doctor I had that pain and she did an internal exam to check if I was dilated at all and if there was any progress and she also got me to do a CTG. The doctor told me that I was all closed up and that my cervix was 2cm and posterior, the CTG showed no signs of contractions and her heartbeat was healthy and strong. The doctor wanted to consult with her superior on what would be the next step, then I was called back in. They said that normally they don't leave IVF babies longer than a couple of days but that given all looks good they can make wait until Thursday to decide. They seem to think that given my cervix and the fact I am all closed up an induction won't work and that Isaballa might suffer as a result of trying an induction. The idea of a c-section is now more favourable than an induction but we won't know until Thursday and even if an induction is then favourable but I prefer a c-section by then it's also ok. I am now going back and forth every day for CTGs until Thursday when I will also get an internal exam to see if there has been any progress so that makes Thursday decision day. I am not sure they will do a c-section on the Thursday or whether we would have to wait until another day to book it but whatever happens we will know when Izzy will be born which is such a relief.

To say I was ok with this new development, especially considering I thought something was definitely going on, would be a lie. Yesterday I felt teary as in a weird way I felt like my body let me down a little again but I know that isn't true. My body has kept my baby girl from harm all 40 plus weeks and now the fact that it seems to be in non hurry to get ready for birth is ok. I have been keeping an open mind all 40 weeks about how delivery will come about and for me to be upset now is counterproductive.. as long as she is ok and I am ok that's all that counts. I know the doctors won't push me in any directions and have so far been so supportive of all of my decisions so I know they will respect whatever we decide on Thursday.

D is taking the day off on Thursday in case we go in and there has been progress and they decide to induce Izzy that day and either way we both feel it's important he is there so that we can make a joint decision. I know D will respect whichever choice I make but I want him by my side in this day.

I live in anticipation of Thursday but at the same time I feel relieved that hopefully by the end of the week I will be meeting my baby girl. Today I went for my CTG and Izzy was playing tricks on me. She was moving around so much that she kept on playing with the monitor so that it kept on missing her heart beat. At one stage she was so fast that she ditched the monitor that went into hyper mode and started beeping because there was no heartbeat. I got my mum to call the nurse and then they moved the monitor and in no time we found her strong heartbeat and all was good in the world again. I had to stay longer and being monitor for a longer period due to this missing heartbeat but in the end all looked great.

That's all from me now.. I will hopefully have more to update you on this coming Thursday or I will do as soon as I can if I end up delivering her Thursday.. wish us luck!

The one before the "due date"

So here I am at 39 weeks and 6 days on the eve of my "due date" and all is good. Now that all the anticipation of Isabella being born early is gone I am feeling a new sense of peace. I know she will be born eventually so for now I chose to enjoy this last few days of being pregnant. I rub my belly and follow her many kicks and stretches and in the meantime enjoy sleeping in and go about life in a "I do what I want when I want kind of attitude" knowing that when Miss Izzy is here she will be the boss.

Yesterday D and I made Clam Chowder for the first time and it came out so yummylicious! We feel in love with it when we went to San Francisco and still dream of it, so it was lovely to be able to eat it again. Then worked on our garden which is now coming back to life after the heat of the summer, D measured around the edges of the garden and then him and my mom took out a strip of grass and I added little white stones. We have not finished yet but it is starting to look amazingly good! The white stones give out this lovely light at night and it will be much easier to maintain it. We then did a BBQ which was yummy and I even made a potato salad for the first time which came out delicious. We finished the night watching football on tv.. perfect way to end a great day!

Today we started on the garden again but it was way too hot so we left it for later on this afternoon. My mom and dad went off into town on their own and we stayed behind to chill out and catch up on the tv shows we have been missing out on. This afternoon we are off to an exhibition center to check out modified and one of a kind types of cars which should be interesting! As you can tell I am keeping busy and life is good.. As I type Izzy is kicking away and stretching her long legs on the side of my belly telling me she is in need of nourishment so I am off making some pasta and pesto! We shall see what tomorrow shall bring us..

The week of false alarms

Me at 38 weeks and 4 days and today at 39 weeks and 4 days.. the bump has dropped!

This week has been the week of "is this it?" Every cramp, every weird symptom points me to think that labour is underway and that I will give birth within 24 hours.. well every time I have been wrong so far. Yesterday was our 10 year anniversary, D went to work and I spent the day with my parents walking in one of the many malls in the hope that walking would help with labour. We walked for one hour and a bit and my back was really aching at the end. We had lunch and I started having contractions every hour or so. Then we went home chilled out and they came back again at 5.30 pm then D got home and I was still having them. We all got ready for a lovely celebratory dinner out and left for the restaurant. On the way I got some more contractions and more painful ones followed every hour whilst having dinner. Towards the end I had to ask my parents and D to leave as I could not stand it anymore. We all thought this was it and went home to take the suitcase downstairs and get all our stuff in order just in case. My contractions were still an hour apart. I kept active and at midnight I went to bed to get some rest. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee but nothing more and this morning I felt great again and haven't had any contractions. I know Izzy is not due for another 3 days but I had hoped she would take us all by surprise and be like mommy.. always a but early..I now have a feeling she is like her daddy, right on time or slightly late. Only time will tell.

For almost 40 weeks I am still doing great and only today took off my wedding and engagement rings just in case my hands swell up. I am walking around most days and keeping active around the house too. I have my moments where I freak out and think I won't be able to do it, that I won't be up for it and I will fail. I read the labour and delivery books constantly and keep thinking I am about to go for an exam that I cannot fail. It's stressful but so exciting at the same time. I have to say the weeks are blending together but it's great to have the company of my parents to make the days go by faster. They are as eager as D and I to meet their third granddaughter but are being super supportive in the waiting game.

D is doing great but I feel he is as excited as I am to meet his daughter. He thought she would be born on the 1st and now that is almost 10 days ago every "ouch" and every contraction make him jump and be ready for the big event. He is so ready to be a daddy but I think he is also a bit freaked out about the whole seeing me give birth part of things. We have been through thick and thin together and we know that this is going to be one of the the most amazing moments of our lives we will never forget, so just need to focus on that and get rid of all those fears.

39 weeks check up today

I am waiting around the house for 2.30 to go for my check up and see what they tell me. Every day I get a few more BH but they always go away and for the last 3 days I have had diarrhea in the morning which is unusual for me. I am looking at every symptom and every sign in anticipation but so far nothing has happened. I will see what the doctor tells me today... I have no idea if they will mention induction or if they will let me wait until I am after my due date to suggest it. What I know is that I am getting more and more excited as each day goes by... Izzy is super active still and her kicks and movements are still constant which is always reassuring.

My parents are being supportive and it's great to have them here. They are watchful of my every move and since they have arrived D has been able to relax more too. We are also super excited about our upcoming anniversary on the 6th of October, it's our 10 years together... only 2 days to go.. I wonder if she will wait till then to be born on our special day! Only time will tell.... cannot wait to kiss, hold and meet her!!!

*******Update*******

Went for my check up and all is ok as they don't do internal exams unless absolutely needed I don't know if I am dilated at all or not but they said everything looks great. Izzy is still head down and feels engaged so all is good. I have lost some weight probably due to the recent stomach issues which the doctor blames on a possible stomach bug or as a sign of my body readying itself for labour! Next appointment is on the 11th.. the day after my due date we shall see if we need it.. if we make it that far I intend to ask to be induced as I cannot afford to wait at home on leave and waste all my leave whilst she is still not born.. we hope this won't be necessary!