Making progress - 100th post!

This is my 100th post! It does feel like yesterday that I started the blog whilst waiting for IVF cylce number 2 and here I am 21 weeks pregnant today. I will never stop saying that life has its ways of surprising you in the most amazing of ways!

Given it's the 100th post I want to make it a positive one. I worked out the courage to buy paint last week. I went on my own as D was working and got about 10 miniature paints that just happened to be on sale. I lined them all up on our kitchen counter and they stayed there until Friday. Friday we have our cleaning lady come over and spend a good 5 hours cleaning the house from top to bottom. As the little cans were in the way I put them in a lovely pink bag and brought them up to Peanut's room. They stayed there until Friday at 11 pm. I was already in bed by then but I could not sleep. D went on his company retreat last Wednesday night and when he is away I never sleep well. So I was tossing and turning and decided to get up and paint instead. I "borrowed" a doctor's mask from the first aid kit at work.. I know, "bad girl"! I put that on and I scared myself when I looked in the mirror.. I would not make a pretty doctor!! How do the people on Gray's do it??? Anyway, I put on the mask, got some paper for the floor and my brand new paint brush and I started. My back started hurting at the end cause I kept on bending over to wash the brush etc but I was happy with the result. I stuck the stickers from the bottom of the cans to check which paint is which and voila'. Nursery colour selection is ready!

Here is proof:






I like the first colour from left and the second from right the most. I tried the colours in the bright light first thing in the morning and at night with the ligths on and off and the two that look the best all around are these two. I sent D a picture of it and he likes the first one from left the most. We shall see what he thinks when he sees the colours in person. He is back tonight and I cannot wait to see which one he goes for. Once we agree I can start preparing the room and he can get started on the paint. I already know which paint to get. I cannot find no VOC paint here but I have found one that is Green Certified with low VOC. I suppose it will have to do. I intend to leave the balcony door open so that we air the room out completely.

In other positive news, I allowed myself the pleasure to go for a pregnancy massage yesterday. I booked it when I went to get my hair cut last time and have been debating it in my head ever since. One minute I was set on going, the next I was talking myself out of it. On Friday whilst the cleaning lady was busy I emptied out my wardrobe of all the clothes that I no longer fit into. Which leaves little or no pre-maternity clothes left in my closet. I spent a good 2 hours tidying up the clothes and then bringing them all downstairs to be placed in one of our suitcases for later discovery. All the work of the day plus the night painting gave my back a run for its money and by the end of the day I was so really tired. That was the deciding factor in going for the massage. I stopped thinking about it and I just showed up for my appointment at 4. I know the spa as I go for my eyebrow threading and hair cuts there but I hadn't tried their massages yet. My masseuse was there to welcome me with some fruit tea which considering the heat outside, went down like a treat. She explained how she wanted me to be lying down and how to move from one position to the next. She also showed me the oil she would be using which is especially formulated for pregnant women. I felt reassured and safe knowing I was in good hands. Once I allowed myself the chance to relax and enjoy, the massage was pure bliss. Isabella enjoyed it too as she was kicking away happily. I left the spa in a super relaxed state of body and mind. Isabella still kicking away but then she always kicks away when I drive. I figure she likes being in the car.. I think the movements and the vibrations from the car must wake her up! She kicks a lot to Razorlight music and Britney Spears... oh dear! The verdict on the pregnancy massage is that I will go back as soon as I feel like I need another one. I am glad I did not allow my fears to get in the way of enjoying this lovely experience.

Today D gets back and I am so excited. It's the first time he goes away on a "holiday" without me. OK, it was not exactly a holiday it was a company retreat but wives and partners were allowed to go so under normal circumstances I would have gone along too. He went to Macau which he did not find to be that impressive, it's like Vegas but all in Chinese. There are historic parts of town but unless you are into gambling you are not going to enjoy it much. Yesterday he went to visit Hong Kong and he fell in love with it. He said it's so clean and modern but with older building and that the streets are like those of London. He spent the day exploring with some colleagues and managed to do some shopping at an open air market. He said that he ate the best Chinese food ever and that we don't even know what Chinese food is like until we have tried the real deal. That made me so hungry and still does as I type!! LOL I cannot wait to hear all about it in more details and seeing the pictures!! I miss him so much when he is gone and for the last 2 weekends and more he has been so busy with work and then this trip and I already know this week is a short one as he is off to Belgium for his brother's wedding on Friday morning till Sunday night. I cannot wait for a weekend just the two of us away from it all. Anyway, he is coming back tonight and he will be all mine for the next 5 days ... that's what counts!! Cannot wait.. I feel like a child!!!

My family - my dad

I have realised I have not spoken about my family yet and felt a sense of guilt so today I want to put that straight starting with my dad.

I come from an air force family. My dad was a pilot in the Italian air force and we were followed him wherever his work took him. We moved pretty often and we lost count of how many different houses we lived in and how many different schools we attended. We made friends just to lose them a couple of years later. We were always the new kids in school. The good thing about being air force kids is that you got to live amongst other kids who all went through the same thing. They understood us and never made us feel "strange" about our gypsy lives. We also had our own private facilities that "civilians" wouldn't have access to. We would have pools and tennis courts, parks to safely play in, officers mess to go eat at and food rations! It was a bit of a life outside ordinary life and the first time I lived somewhere that was not an air force base was when I went to Uni. I still feel a tingling feeling when I pass airbases or when I go visit one, that was our life.

My dad did really well for himself and went up the ranks pretty quickly. He hated desk jobs and loved flying. Whenever the air force stuck him in an office for a couple of years he would go into a depression. His love for flying and for being in that kind of active environment was what made him happy. He had two major crashes in his career but luckily he survived both. The biggest of the two happened when I was just 2 years old and he was lucky to make it safe to the ground minus a couple of bad bruises. He was an amazing leader to his men and people loved him wherever he went. When he came to family life.. he was a military man. He was not a big fan of being called daddy and he didn't believe in hugs and kisses. He was hardly home but when he was home we knew we had to be on our best behaviour. He wanted me and my brother to be competitive at sports and I always felt he thought we were a big disappointment in that sense. He just didn't understand us. He retired early from the air force when they told him he could not fly but still went on to become a consultant to the air force. So he was still going on simulators and teaching students.

This was my dad until two years ago. The dad I know now is a completely different person so in a way it is as if I have two dads. Two years ago he suffered a major stroke which he survived and he is lucky to be alive. After 6 months in hospital he was deemed fit enough to go home. He only stayed home 1 month and then he had to be readmitted because his heart went into atrial fibrillation again. Since then he has undergone heart surgery and with the help of medication his heart seems to be under control. The stroke has changed my dad in many ways. He had to learn how to eat and swallow solid foods, how to walk again and then run. He recovered very well but he still cannot use his arm/right hand but he attends physiotherapy sessions 3 times in order to keep active and hopefully recover more. This hasn't stopped him from getting a modified car and learning how to drive again! I told you he is a fighter

The stroke has also affected my dad's ability to speak. He has Broca's Aphasia. When he first came out of ICU we thought he could not understand us at all but as we researched and learned more about Aphasia, we discovered that Aphasia does not mean a loss of intellect. So as much as his ability to communicate has been impaired, his intellect is intact. He had to learn a new method of teaching his brain how to speak all over again because the impulses that we have as babies and that help us learn how to speak were gone. He attends a specialised center and has formed a great bond with Anna, his speech therapist. He is a fighter in every sense of the word and has gone such a long way from not being able to say yes or no to now being able to be make full sentences. He is still struggling on a daily basis for people to respect the fact that he is still the same person and for others not to treat him differently. He has many ups and downs but overall he is doing so great and I am so proud of what he has achieved and what he aims to achieve in the future. Last year on his 60th birthday he stood up and made a speech to all of us. Needless to say we were all in tears by the end of it. Such a proud moment!

The biggest change that I have noticed in my dad since the stroke is how much his behaviour has changed towards us. Whenever we see him he always tells us he is proud of us and that he loves us. He shows a lot of affection towards my mom in a way that he wouldn't before. He is a different dad and a different man and in a strange way he is a better dad now than he has ever been in the past. It is as if he has realised how he could have lost it all and as if the stroke made him realise what's really important in life.

I am so grateful to have another chance at building a relationship with my dad and I am thankful he is still alive to tell him how much I love him.

Wordless Wednesday

Our daughter's face....

I write to you from cloud nine, I have been there since 9.15 am this morning and I have no intention of coming down any time soon!

As you have guessed the scan went really well. Isabella is doing really good and all looks just as it should be. The ultrasound was super high tech and the technician was so sweet and knew what she was doing. She first looked at our baby and took all the measurements that she needed to take, like her head, thigh bone, heart and even her kidneys and many more parts that we didn't even recognise. After she was done measuring and she was sure all was ok she played our daughter's heartbeat and that was great too at 150 bpm. Then all of a sudden she pressed something and from a black and white picture of Isabella we saw her face. I started crying my eyes out. She is the most beautiful , most perfect little girl I have ever seen. The technician made me move to the right, where Isabella normally is so she could getter a better look at her face. It was so quick on the screen but once she printed out the pictures, you can see her features so well. She was sucking her thumb just like I used to do as a baby and she sleeps with her hand to her head just like her daddy does. It was incredible and D and I could not stop looking at her picture. We are so in love.

After the ultrasound we went to see our midwife who guided us through the results of the blood tests I took last time as well as the u/s. My blood work came back all great but my iron is slightly low so I am now on iron tablets for a month. No big deal and to be honest I was expecting this as I suffered from mild anemia for a while before getting pregnant. All the rest looks great and my glucose levels looks great so unless they drastically change I get to avoid doing the glucose test! Happy about that as it does not sound like much fun! She went through the ultrasound results and told us all looks just as it should do and gave us facts about Isabella. She measure 20w3d, my placenta is posterior, the amniotic fluid is just right and all looks great.

It was D's first visit at the hospital so I was anxious to hear his reaction of my choice and he was super impressed. He thought the place is really well organised and uses the highest technology which he is happy about. I can breath a sight of relief. It is a bit strange as it's a government hospital so the men have to wait in special waiting rooms but they really didn't make a fuss and everyone made him feel welcomed. We go back in 4 weeks (at 24 weeks) too check all is ok and then at 32 weeks I have an appointment with my doctor (haven't met him yet) to discuss my birthing plan. That should be fun!

I feel so extremely blessed. Pregnancy has been the most amazing experience of my life so far. I still feel like I am living in one perfect dream. Life does not get better than this. Most nights I am just happy sitting on the couch feeling Isabella moving and seeing my belly button moving up and down forming waves. Knowing that it's our daughter doing this makes it incredible. When I think back about our TTC days and the days when we really thought this would never happen, I just feel extremely lucky to be experiencing all of this magic. To now be able to put a face to our daughter makes it all more real and I truly hope that the worrying about whether this is all real will cease. I am so in love.

Now here are the pictures of our beautiful Isabella Anna:

20 weeks today

Today we are 20 weeks and at the halfway point of pregnancy. It truly feels amazing to say we are halfway there. So many changes have taken place since I got pregnant and as I haven't broken them down yet, in honour of being 20 weeks I thought I would do so today.

Weight gained so far: 7kg (15 pounds) I could not believe it but the scale does not lie!!I have always been a size 10 UK (US 4) and I am now a 12 UK ( US 6). I am happy with the weight I am putting on and have decided to put all my pre-pregnancy clothes that don't fit away until the baby is here in order to make more space for the clothes that do fit me!

Biggest change: my belly of course and my boobs. A friend suggested I buy a bra extender and it's been a life saver. I would be going through bras like there is no tomorrow if it weren't for them.

Best maternity purchase: the Spoiled Mama creams! They cost me a lot but it really was an investment and they really do live up to the hype. My skin is super soft and smooth and no stretch marks in sight.. oh and I smell lovely!!! Oh and also The Expectant Father book I got for D. He loves reading it each month and it has reassured him and me on a couple of occasion! I would highly recommend it!

Movement: started Wednesday the 12th of May with just a few quick movements and it is now getting stronger each day! I can now feel her kick and move from one side to the other. I feel her more at around 3/4 pm, during the evenings after dinner and when I try to go to sleep.

Major purchase for Isabella: the pram. It took me a long time to find it but I believe we found the best one for us. I just cannot wait to receive it now, it should be here in mid- June.

Nursery progress: I can proudly say I am finally making progress. Yesterday, I went to get lots of different small bottles of pain to try out in Isabella's room. I know it's a small step but we are getting there and that is what counts. I will post the pics of how the different colours we are are considering look in her room and also of the one we will pick!

How is D doing: he loves his little girl and speaks to her all the time. He cannot believe how much my body has changed but whether I am having one of those moments or not, he always tells me that I am a "yummy mummy"! He has been very supportive of me and my moodiness and craziness at times. He is worried about being able to support us financially, even if I work too but I think that is a natural phase all expectant fathers go through. We try to talk most of our worries out even though I have noticed that he is trying his best not to tell me his so as not to worry me. From now on I will have to make more of an active effort to ask him how he is feeling and let him know that he can still speak to me.

Sleeping: not so great. My nose gets stuffy and my mouth dries out which makes is harder to sleep. I used to sleep mainly on my belly so now that I can no longer do that I toss and turn a lot (waking up D most nights). I also go to the bathroom once a night which used to make going back to sleep impossible, but by now I am used to it.

Cravings: no major or weird ones yet. I did have a craving for tuna melts last week but that was it so far.

Best moments: we have been blessed with so many in the last 20 weeks that I don't where to start. From the actual "we are pregnant" moment, to the first ultrasound, to finding out that we were having a girl, to the first kick, to talking to her and feeling like she is the best gift in the universe. I could go on because every day is a blessing and a small miracle and we are so thankful for what we have been granted.

Next big step: tomorrow we have our 20 week anomaly ultra sound and we cannot wait. We pray all looks great and that she is developing as she should be. We also hope to be able to see her pretty face because it's been since week 13 that we saw her face last!

Saying goodbye to our Miracle Doctor

Today is a better day. Thanks for all your messages, they made me feel less of a weirdo about feeling the way I do. Last night I spoke to D and he says that we should take it one step at the time in terms of the nursery. We can start by choosing a colour for the room. So this weekend we are going to get some colours to try them on and we'll see where we get from there.

Yesterday was our last appointment at our RE's clinic. Up until we have been so lucky to have been able to be looked after by her exclusively, however even if I trust her 100% I don't trust the hospital she delivers in and the shame is that she cannot deliver in the one I want to deliver in. We made the choice of delivering in the main maternity hospital in the city, the one with the more specialised staff and the one with a specialised NICU. I went to open a file there two weeks ago and then last week I went for my first visit with a midwife and I was so impressed. Everyone is super friendly, helpful and welcoming. So as our insurance does not cover me seeing two doctors I had to make a choice and given the fact that I will deliver in that hospital it makes sense for me to get my check ups there and get to know the staff that will deliver our baby girl.

So that bring us to yesterday's goodbye. Dr.S was so understanding about our decision, she completely respected the fact that we felt more comfortable in that hospital and that we wanted to become familiar with the staff there. She recommended a doctor for us to see whom she knows so that if she needs to provide him with any updates during the delivery they can be in touch. As it was our last visit with her and given the fact that we last saw her 3 weeks ago she did a quick u/s to check on Peanut and to make sure all is ok with her. She looked so much bigger, her head was right under my belly button and her legs were near my bladder. We saw her long spine and her lovely hands which are always around her face. We were able to only get a glimpse of her lovely face but she was shy so we have to wait for that. She also confirmed with this cute u/s picture that Peanut is indeed a girl! She measured her head and for the first time she is right on schedule for a 10/10/2010 delivery!

After the visit we sat down for a goodbye chat and I begged Dr.S not to retire because we want to come back for baby number 2 with her. Dr.S and her husband own the clinic she works in, her husband was also a RE but he has now retired. She said she is looking to hire more doctors to carry out the work and for her to have more of a supervisory role with more . We also asked the delicate question about our embryos. I won't go into it now as this will take a whole post on its own right but it's not great news. We thanked her so much and said that we will keep her updated on our progress and definitely be in touch. I can see myself going back if I am not satisfied with the level of care I receive at the hospital or if I am not happy with some results I get or just to pop by and say hello. I truly hope she will be working when we start thinking about baby number 2 because she truly made our miracle happen, she is our Miracle Doctor with a big heart and no matter what happens in the future she will always hold a special place in our hearts.

Will Peanut have a Nursery to come home to??

The time has finally come for us to start planning Peanut's nursery. When I read other people's blogs and see that they have already bought cribs, dressers, clothes and all we have is a car seat and its bases I am panicked! Our Peanut is going to sleep in her car seat and her pram if it gets here before she is born!! Before getting pregnant when we were still TTC I used to think that the minute we got pregnant we would get all we needed and how much fun it would all be. Now that I am pregnant I am scared of buying anything and I think 100 times before making up my mind. Take my pram and car seat research. It took me 4 months to find and finally buy a pram and a car seat. I always knew I was a picky buyer but this is takes the biscuit! I think it's not just me being picky though, it's also the fact that I don't want to get too carried away. I know this is the exact time to get carried away but I am scared that the minute I do something will go wrong. I know its wrong and counter productive to think like this but I cannot help it. I think it's partly to do with what we have been through to get here and partly with my mom's miscarriage.

When my mom was 39 she found out she was pregnant. It was not a planned pregnancy by any means but she was nevertheless excited about it. I was 13 at the time and I remember that on Mother's Day she told me and my brother about the good news. All was going well and the same day my mom took out all our old baby clothes to wash them she also went for her routine scan. I remember my brother coming to get me to go home and he looked as if he had seen a ghost. When I went into the kitchen my mom was sitting down crying uncontrollably. The baby that was so healthy during the previous exams no longer had a heartbeat. She was 5 months pregnant. The same week my mom went in the hospital to have the deliver her baby. A month earlier she had an amniocentesis to see that all was ok and as she was 39 it was done as a routine. She received the results by mail two weeks after she lost the baby. The baby was healthy and showed no health problems. He was a baby boy and he would now be 17. He was due in October just like our Peanut.

I still get teary thinking back and seeing my mom go through that kind of a loss. It must have been so hard for her to pick herself up from all of this and go on with her life. I remember she was sad for a long time after the loss and I am sure she still think about the "what ifs". When I do tell her of my fears I never go into any details because I am too scared to bring back painful memories. She keeps telling me that our baby is there and strong and that I just need to keep thinking about that. She is one amazing woman my mom. I wish she could see me pregnant but as we live in different countries and my doctor has advised against travel during my pregnancy unless it's necessary, I will not be able to fully share my pregnancy with her. I wish she could come visit but it's too hot for her and especially my dad here during the summer. I keep on updating her with pictures of my bump and ultra sound pictures but somehow the idea of my mom touching my belly and make it all ok would really help.

In a way I have answered my own question with this post. I am not buying because when my mom started buying and getting ready that's when she lost her baby and subconsciously that's what I am scared of. I am scared of going through what my mom went through, of getting carried away and get ready for a baby that never was. When I was thinking like this last night and telling D part of what my fears are (I could not say this to him face to face) our little Peanut started kicking badly as if to say" Mamma stop talking non-sense!! I am here to stay!!!" I have said it before, our daughter is way ahead of me and she is already telling me how things are. I am so in love with her.

So as you can see I am making a big effort to let go and to get carried away and hopefully this weekend can start looking at colours for the nursery and maybe start thinking of what kind of furniture apart from her crib we want to have in there. I have ideas for the walls but I don't know exactly how it's going to work. I always tell myself to take it one step at the time... so for once I will follow my own advice and take it one step at the time. Cribs and colours and furniture can wait until I am ready. Tomorrow we go see our RE for a routine visit and quick u/s and I cannot wait to see Peanut. Seeing her and hearing her heartbeat always puts my mind at ease. I know it won't be a long u/s but just a quick one, the BIG 20 week one is next week. I also dreading this appointment because I need to tell my doctor that I cannot keep seeing her and the hospital where I will deliver and that I will probably start going just to the hospital. Wish me luck!

Who is that naked lady in my bathroom???

Ok, so here I was standing in my bathroom about to go for a shower when I take a look in the mirror and jump back. Who is that naked lady in the mirror? I take a step back I put my glasses back on and I take a closer look. My face is definitely rounder, my boobs have new blue veins everywhere and they are so huge, my belly is so round and so high up to my belly button, my thighs are getting bigger and my feet.. well they are still the same for now!! I stop looking and enjoy my shower then I go downstairs and I tell D that my body has been kidnapped by aliens. He laughs and tells me that my body is that of a beautiful mommy... that stops the madness and I regain control of my thoughts. My boobs and belly are bigger because I am PREGNANT. D'oh!

I am 19 weeks pregnant today and yet I still have moments when I still think this is all a beautiful dream. I still thank God and our lucky star for this wonderful miracle and I am so thankful that in October we will welcome a baby girl into our family. The fact that I am now showing has helped me relax somewhat. Peanut moving around in my belly and making herself felt is just the best of reminders that she is growing stronger and all is ok. I already think our daughter is going to be so intelligent because even at this young age she is already a step ahead of me! I am so in love with her it's not possible to put it in words.

This weekend I had my first "pregnant" women with a stranger. We went to the cinema for the first time in a LONG LONG time. We went to the 8.30pm show of Robin Hood and before the start of the show I went to the bathroom. I was standing in line with another lady who was ahead of me. When it was her turn she turned to me as if for me to go and I said that she was first, so looked down at my belly and said "no, you go ahead dear". I came out of the bathroom smiling from ear to ear and D looked at me inquisitively. I told him the story and he said that I just had my first pregnant moment with a stranger!! I loved it and it made my night. I was really proud of myself for lasting all movie and then going for pizza with friends after. I went to bed after 1 am and the next day I felt fine but I did go to bed at 10pm! I love the second trimester. I am starting to realise why people say it's the best time during pregnancy. Well, it's late here now I am going to go sit on the couch and feel our little Peanut kick up a storm in there in the hope that she can kick hard enough so that D can feel her too. He hears her when he puts his ear on my belly (my human doppler!!!) but has yet to feel her movements. I am confident is just a matter of time with our little overachiever!!

First baby kicks... oh what a bliss!!!

Today he best thing in the world happened to me. I was sitting at my desk working away when all of a sudden I feel the softest little kicks in the lower right part of my uterus. I have felt this kind of butterflies before but only when I am about to fall asleep and all is quiet but then when I place my hand there the kicks are gone. Well, today the kicks were still there when I put my hand there. It was incredible and only last about a minute but it was amazing!! That was our little girl telling mommy that she is there to stay and that I better believe it. I have waited for this moment since turning 16 weeks and couldn't wait to experience it, now it's happened once I cannot wait for the next time she will make herself known to me. I wished D could have been here to feel her too but I am sure there will be plenty more chances.

I am finally starting to feel back to my normal self. I have been nursing a cough/cold since last Tuesday and stayed home from work for two days last week to recover. Now I only have a it of a cough left and the rest is gone which is great. I felt so powerless when it all started as I didn't know what could help me in terms of home remedies. So I stuck with drinking hot milk with honey first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Then I would have lots of orange juice and water through the day. I kept on eating, mainly soups and then at the weekend D made me the loveliest of spaghetti bolognese and Japanese noodles which tasted like heaven and I am sure they also helped in my speedy recovery! I didn't take any medication not even Panadol because I wanted to control this without meds and I am lucky to say it worked. The only thing I allowed myself when the coughing was really persistent was Halls sweets for my throat (max of 2 a day). I have been so strict when it comes to taking any sort of medications and the whole time I have been pregnant so far I have only taken 2 panadols.. also luckily I have never needed to take any more. Lucky all around!

I have not posted a belly picture last week as I was sick so to make up for it... here is one taken yesterday at 18 weeks and 2 days. The belly is really getting rounder and growing so fast now. I cannot stop touching it and caressing it, hoping that the gentle cuddles are felt inside too.

Thank you Krissi!

I just want to thank Krissi from Stress Free Infertility for featuring my story for her weekly Success Story Sunday. Through her blog she is doing such a GREAT at keeping hope alive and reminding us to appreciate life right now. Her advice for Mother's Day Live for the moment.. appreciate the day! reminded me of how important it is to be thankful and for what we have right now... without focusing too much on what we be without. I know it's easier said than done but it's a GREAT mantra to live by...

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all who are already mothers, to those who are mothers to be, to those who are mothers at heart and waiting for their baby and to those mothers who are now Angels looking after their own children from above.

I always loved Mother's Day because it has always been a day of celebrations in my family. I remember as a kid I would prepare breakfast in bed and lovely cards for my mom and on the day we made sure my mom felt super pampered. I always send her flowers except for this year as she said NOT to send her any (florist issues!). My mom and I have always shared a very tight bond. We have our fights and disagreements on things but we always make up and even if we are miles apart we remain very close. I love hearing the story of how much my mom longed for me. Of how much she wanted a girl after having my brother 2 and half years before. She dressed in pink for most of her pregnancy and dreamed of me and how I would be. During her ultrasound she was the one that told the doctor that I was going to be a girl! She always describes me as a good baby, one that ate, didn't fuss and slept. My mom was a stay at home mom not by choice but because of the fact that she was an air force wife and as such she could not change jobs every 3 years. I personally loved having her home every day after school but I also know how much she would have like to keep working too. She made a home for us wherever we went and never once I have I heard or about yet another move. She was always patient with both my brother and I and she always took our side whenever we were in trouble. She truly is a super mom. I always said to my mom that if we knew each other growing up we would be friends for sure. For the last two years she has been taking care of my dad who suffered a massive stroke in March 2008. We were so worried for them both as both my brother and I live in different countries as my parents. My mom has never been a woman of many words but since the stroke and my dad suffering from Aphasia, she has found a strong voice for both my dad and herself. She is an amazing woman and I am so so proud she is my mom because it is because of her love and devotion that I am the woman I am today.

Today I also celebrate Mother's Day with my own little princess. I might not be able to wake her up with a kiss and a cuddle yet but she is growing within me. She is 18 weeks old today, she is all ours and I am her mommy. I still cannot believe how blessed we have been to be where we are now and I thank God and pray for him to keep Isabella Anna safe now and for the rest of her life. I know Isabella has a beautiful and super protective Guardian Angel already in D's mom who passed away in November 2008. Isabella was conceived just around the time of her birthday and we believe she had something magical do with it. Today I remember her and wish her a Happy Mother's Day wherever she might be. D sent me a message from Isabella wishing me a happy Mother's Day and of course I started crying. Today it's a beautiful day.. one that I will cherish forver.

Powerful list

I came across Bon's blog through Baby on Mind's blog. Last week she posted a powerful and useful list of things she wished she would have known when she first started to TTC 3 years ago. It's such a moving list and I am sure a lot of us who have been TTC for a while can relate to a few of them. I am posting it here in the hope that others who have just started TTC can go to her post and read her advice... it truly speaks from the heart.

We went shopping!!!!

After researching prams and car seats for about 4 months.. or 2 years and 4 months... I was sold on The pushchair and The car seat for us. Then after getting a very long email from a Britax representative I have discovered that the chances of me getting a Britax prams are zero and that it would cost way to much to buy it in the UK and get my brother to send it over. Plus if anything goes wrong with it there is no way of getting replacement parts etc.

So I went back to my original idea which was to purchase a Phil & Teds pushchair. I did a lot of research and found out that there are adaptors for the P&T that allow you to put the car seat onto the pushchair. So now the only remaining question is which model to get. I cannot decide between the Sport or the Dash. I keep reading that they are both as good as each other, the Sport being the more basic model and the Dash being the upgraded model up from the Sport. There are plus and minuses I am still trying to figure out with both and once I make up my mind I will decide what to go for. I am leaning towards the Dash as it's a newer improved model and all the issues that people had with it in the earlier days post release have now been resolved. I am waiting for my paypal to be approved before I can go ahead and purchase it so I have still a bit of time to think things over. The store we went to had the E3 which is an earlier model but I didn't feel like buying something that was already outdated plus the only colour they had was navy blue and I prefer the red or black.

As for the car seat we got the one I wanted yesterday. We got the Maxi Cosi Cabrio Fix which is the model I have researched and which has won a lot of awards for its safety records. I felt like a child in a candy store when we got it and I jumped and sang all the way out of the store!! Every time I turned and saw the car seat in the back seat made me smile.. I am tempted to get it fixed just so that I am constantly reminded that it's really happening!! We wanted to get the ISOFIX bases to go with it but they were out of stock. It was not a big deal and the guy in the store told us that there is a store across town that sells them. We then went to have a lovely lunch with a friend who is visiting us and then we headed home... or so I thought. D took a road we normally don't take and then he made a turn and I said.. are you taking me to buy the bases?? And he just smiled!! I kissed him and started screaming because I was so happy!! I swear they tell you baby shopping is fun but this is just the BEST!! So D bought me the two bases, one for my car and one for his and then we went home.. for real this time. I had a wonderful day and spent all night playing with my new purchase!!

Whilst we were in "baby land" I bought another pair of work trousers and I also got a body pillow. I have been wanting to buy a baby pillow since sleeping on my belly has become impossible and yesterday we found the one for me. It's super soft and long enough so that I can really hug it. I slept much better with it even though turning with it proved rather difficult. I am sure once I get used to it I will love it. D was joking how he has now been replaced by a pillow and how it feels like he is having a threesome... but not the type he had in mind!! HAHAHA!!!