Please Let This Be It

Frozen Embryo Transfer... yup already!

2011-02-20T09:51:00.004+04:00

Ok so life as a mummy is BUSY! I have been through so much in the last 4 months that I don't know where to start. Here's a small summary:

Isabella is a marvel. She is growing so fast, sometimes I joke that if I blink I might miss something! She is in the 95th percentile for height (they told us she was going to be a tall one from her ultrasound and she really is!) She is smiling, laughing, giggling, talking and she amazes us every day with something new. She has made our lives feel complete and she truly is the love of our lives!
I have become a stay at home mum! I have lost my job the day I went back from maternity leave. It was kind of expected and in a way it turned out for the best as this means I get to spend time with Isabella when she mostly needs me. I was laid off so they are paying me a reasonably large amount of money so at least I don't feel like it's all on D's shoulders.
I have been fighting an infection since I gave birth and had been on 4 different antibiotics. I finally started drinking lots of cranberry juice and yogurt in the hope it will help fight it and last week I found out that it's gone! It took 4 months but it's finally gone!
I am still breastfeeding Isabella and loving it. I was in so much pain to begin with but after the initial struggles now it comes very easy and natural. I am pumping and saving lots of milk too just in case we need it at a later stage.
I have been told that unless we use our 4 snowbabies from our first IVF cycle, they will be destroyed at the end of June. So we are planning a natural FET cycle in May.We have also been told that I can wait max 1 year but that we need to do an IVF cycle soon otherwise we might never have the chance to add to our family (I have DOR).

So here we are 4 months after Isabella's birth already planning a FET and future IVF cycles... isn't the life of an infertile fun! When we tell most people this they think we are nuts, of course when we tell that unless we move now we might never give Isabella a brother or a sister then they understand.

My RE wants to do a natural FET, although I don't know how that would work considering I haven't had a period yet but I truly hope we can do it naturally as Isabella will only be 7 months and I had originally (in my 'perfect' world mindset) planned to wean her naturally. Of course now I know this might not be an option, it hurts and make me think if we are doing the right thing. We waited so long for Isabella and now I want to be able to give her the best possible start in life. I know that breastfeeding her for the first 6 months is already a huge plus but I wanted to let her decide when to start solids and continue nursing her until she was ready. D keeps telling me to look at the big picture and I know he is right. I shouldn't complain, I have been so lucky to have gotten pregnant, had a uncomplicated pregnancy, a healthy baby girl and that I have enough breast milk to have been able to nurse her this far.

I have been researching natural FET and other stories of women doing FET whilst nursing and there aren't many but my doc did not seem concern so for now I chose not to panic (yeah right!) She was honest with me and told me that she has never had a success with FET cycle so not to put too much hope in this cycle and to be honest I won't.... but you know how it is... It would be so wonderful it worked as it would mean not have to go through IVF and all the drugs and procedures again... we shall wait and see. We won't even know how many of the 4 embryos make it past the thawing stage so it's a long shot.

So that's where I am at these days.. life has surely changed a lot in the last 4 months and I wouldn't change one bit!!!

Happy New Year!!

2010-12-21T10:26:00.002+04:00

I am still here! Life is busy busy busy with a baby but it"s the best kind of busy! I love being a mom so much and I cannot stop counting my blessings! Life is amazing! I still have moments where I look at her and wonder if she is our, I still pinch mysel a lot!!

Isabella is amazing and life cannot be any better really. I will write more in the coming weeks as Isabella is settling in her own routine and I will have some more free time to return here and to your blogs... but for now Happy 2011 lovely ladies.. I have missed you!

25 days and growing so fast

2010-11-09T15:07:00.005+04:00

I have been a bad bad blogger but I do have the most beautiful excuse for it... Isabella! She is the light of my day and the most amazing baby anyone could wish for. She is such a happy, smiley and good baby who sleeps at night and eats with such eagerness. I couldn't ask for more. She is growing by the day and every morning whenever I go pick her up to change her and feed her she looks like she had grown over night. I call her my Little Giant.

She already has her own routine of more frequent feeding during the day and longer sleeping periods at night. She never cries unless she is overly tired and even when hungry she never cries but almost talks to us telling us to hurry up and feed her already. She started smiling about two weeks ago and hasn't stopped since. She gives us the cutest smiles when we least expect it and we just melt like butter. We hold her to help her fall asleep and we cuddle her for hours just because we can. People tell us that is not good but we argue otherwise, we don't think there is anything wrong in hugging and cuddling our baby girl as much as she needs to.

I was preoccupied about being on my own with her after D went back to work but the first week went like a breeze and this week I feel like things have always been this way. Isabella runs our routine and I adapt to what she feels like on a day to day basis. We do go out together on short outings whether it's to the local shops or for a walk around the neighbourhood. She loves her pram and I can now safely say it was the best buy so far. As much as some babies like their car seats, Isabella prefers to lie flat so she loves it when after a car ride I place her in her pram, she normally falls asleep straight away.

D and I still have moments where we look at Isabella and wonder how we got so lucky. She truly is the most adorable baby girl and we cannot believe we made her...that she is half me and half him.. She makes all the struggles of getting here seem so worth it and she makes us want to have more children as soon as we can.

Anyway, it's almost feeding time and I better go but before I do, here are a few pictures of our Little Giant:

9 days old and all is GREAT

2010-10-24T14:58:00.005+04:00

Isabella is 9 days old today and we are so in love. Some days are tough, some days like today are easier but no matter what day we are having we are just so thankful she is in our lives and we feel so privileged to be her parents. She brightens up our lives with her smiles, her looks and her many cuddles and kisses. She sleeps in our room next to my side of the bed so it's easier to pick her up for feedings and seeing her first thing in the morning is just the most incredible feeling. She is changing by the day and is showing signs of her character emerging. She has her daddy's eyes and lips and some of his expressions. Everyday we look at her and wonder how much she has changed overnight. It's truly incredible to see how much she can change in one night. Her face is filling up and she is starting to get a little double chin which is just so cute. She has long hands and feet and we think she is going to grow taller than the both of us but then only time will tell. She feeds very well and we are both becoming good at it with times and it hurts less each day. I am so lucky to have a lot of milk and a baby eager to eat it. We are feeding her on demand at the moment and it's working very well. She wakes up between 2-4 hours to feed through the day and night and feeds for a long time until she is tired to go to sleep. I used to cut the feeding short as I notices she was getting sick afterward and being gassy but that didn't work well with Isabella and now I have gone back to the letting her feed until she needs to approach which works better for her and for us too as she is less fussy and more happy and rested afterward. It's all trial and error for now but we are getting there.

D and I are both home which is great as he is getting to know her as much as I before he has to go back to work. He is an amazing dad and even with little sleep he is still able to be calm and we both find ourselves laughing at things as they happen rather than despair. He is my rock and he always makes everything ok. I love him so much.

My parents went home yesterday and I have to say they left a big void when they did. The house seemed all silent and I miss having them around. Yesterday was worst but today I am already getting on with things and I know every day is going to get better. I loved having them around and I loved spending so much time with them after not having seen them for a whole year. My mom showed me a lot of tricks in terms of holding Isabella and what to do and what not to. I wish they lived closer by but for now I will wait till they come back for Christmas! I so wish for Isabella and I to have a similar relationship to the one my mom and I share, we truly love one another and we can spend hours together and still find loads to talk about. I miss her dearly.

Tomorrow we take Isabella for her first visit to the pediatrician. I researched which one to take her to and the one we are taking her to his a young doctor from Germany. He is relatively new in town but a lot of people are raving he is meant to be a great doctor. I cannot wait to hear what he says about Izzy's weight ( we think she is gaining not losing like all babies do after the first week to 10 days) and want to ask about her umbilical cord which is still attached. We cannot wait for it to fall off so we can give her a proper bath for now we just give a sponge bath.

I better go now as she is starting to cry for her next feed.. here are a few pics of our baby girl!

Labour story and on being a mamma

2010-10-19T09:24:00.002+04:00

I finally get two minutes to write whilst Izzy is still asleep so here is my labour story...

Labour was a marathon for me! I was induced on Thursday at 6pm and didn't give birth until the next morning at 9.24 am. It was the most painful but amazing thing I have ever done in my life and as painful as it was, hearing my baby girl crying and opening my eyes and seeing her between my legs, was the most incredible and intense feeling I have ever felt! I was able to hold her straight away and the minute she was on my chest she stopped crying, I never felt happier. Then they put her on my side and I was able to breastfeed her which she did like a pro! D was by my side through it all. He would time and hold me during those painful contractions and then encourage me to push when he could see her head coming and I swear if it wasn't for him I would never have done it! He is truly my rock and the most amazing dad ever! He got the hang of changing diapers so easily and now that's his job!

I had a complication after the birth whereby my placenta would not deliver and after 4 hours of waiting for the or to free I was wheeled in. I hated being taken away from my baby and D so soon and part of me felt scare something would go wrong. I was told it was a 15 minutes thing but it ended up taking a whole hour. I was awake under an epidural and knew something was up when more and more doctors were coming in the room and they gave me 'something to relax me'. In the end the leading surgeon who operated on me came to speak to me. She told they got all of my placenta but that they also found a big 'bleeder' behind one of the 3 stitches I had done after the birth. It was a large haematoma the size of a fist. I lost 1 liter of blood but they got it all and I need to think of what a lucky break I got when the placenta didn't come out otherwise they wouldn't have caught in time. I started shaking and crying hearing this and didn't come down until D came to see me in the recovery room. I was still in shock and my blood pressure was all over the place so they suggested bring Izzy to see me so I would come down and so I did as soon as she was next to me in her cot.

Having lived throught this as well makes me feel even more thankful for the miracle we have been granted. We are truly blessed!

We are all home now and recovering well. I am on pain meds and antibiotics and iron but overall we are doing great. The antibiotics I take don't impact on the breastfeeding and so I am now a milk factory! I am blessed with a lot of milk and a baby who loves to feed! We are still finding our feet but we are managing well and every day seems a bit easier. I still see her as such a fragile baby and I cannot help but feeling nervous at times about accidentally hurting her. I suppose that's what moms do.. They worry!

Here are a few pics of Izzy as it seems yesterday's post didn't work out.. she is a true beauty but then I am biased!!

A few pictures of Isabella Anna

2010-10-18T17:31:00.000+04:00

she is here

2010-10-16T06:57:00.000+04:00

Our baby girl is here! Born on Friday the 15th at 9.24 am measuring 3.335 kg and 52cm. She is the most beautiful and amazing baby I have ever seen. I'll post her birth and my labour story later. Just wanted you all to knoe a new star is born! I am so in love!!!

i am in hospital

2010-10-14T15:27:00.000+04:00

I am in hospital being induced today. My cervix is looking more favourable and I am a fingertip dilated. Izzy is still doing great and her heart is strong. If induction works then great if not then they'll do an emergency c-section. I was a bundle of nerves all morning and cried as I expected to be sent home and wait for a c-section but I am now feeling calm and relax and focusing on Izzy. D is keeping me company and we are in a nursery room with a bed waiting for our bed to become available! I cannot believe the day is finally here and that we are going to be holding our precious baby girl today or tomorrow. Life is about to change in a very special way!! How incredible!! I'll update you later if I can! Thanks girls for all your support!

update

2010-10-12T17:28:00.003+04:00

I have been so busy over the last couple of days I have had no time to update you all. After spending all of Sunday in some sort of pain and then went to bed early with cramps and spent all night up with what felt like contractions. I slept a total of 2 hours but the next morning I was in no pain. That morning (Monday) I had my 40 week plus 1 day check- up, I told my doctor I had that pain and she did an internal exam to check if I was dilated at all and if there was any progress and she also got me to do a CTG. The doctor told me that I was all closed up and that my cervix was 2cm and posterior, the CTG showed no signs of contractions and her heartbeat was healthy and strong. The doctor wanted to consult with her superior on what would be the next step, then I was called back in. They said that normally they don't leave IVF babies longer than a couple of days but that given all looks good they can make wait until Thursday to decide. They seem to think that given my cervix and the fact I am all closed up an induction won't work and that Isaballa might suffer as a result of trying an induction. The idea of a c-section is now more favourable than an induction but we won't know until Thursday and even if an induction is then favourable but I prefer a c-section by then it's also ok. I am now going back and forth every day for CTGs until Thursday when I will also get an internal exam to see if there has been any progress so that makes Thursday decision day. I am not sure they will do a c-section on the Thursday or whether we would have to wait until another day to book it but whatever happens we will know when Izzy will be born which is such a relief.

To say I was ok with this new development, especially considering I thought something was definitely going on, would be a lie. Yesterday I felt teary as in a weird way I felt like my body let me down a little again but I know that isn't true. My body has kept my baby girl from harm all 40 plus weeks and now the fact that it seems to be in non hurry to get ready for birth is ok. I have been keeping an open mind all 40 weeks about how delivery will come about and for me to be upset now is counterproductive.. as long as she is ok and I am ok that's all that counts. I know the doctors won't push me in any directions and have so far been so supportive of all of my decisions so I know they will respect whatever we decide on Thursday.

D is taking the day off on Thursday in case we go in and there has been progress and they decide to induce Izzy that day and either way we both feel it's important he is there so that we can make a joint decision. I know D will respect whichever choice I make but I want him by my side in this day.

I live in anticipation of Thursday but at the same time I feel relieved that hopefully by the end of the week I will be meeting my baby girl. Today I went for my CTG and Izzy was playing tricks on me. She was moving around so much that she kept on playing with the monitor so that it kept on missing her heart beat. At one stage she was so fast that she ditched the monitor that went into hyper mode and started beeping because there was no heartbeat. I got my mum to call the nurse and then they moved the monitor and in no time we found her strong heartbeat and all was good in the world again. I had to stay longer and being monitor for a longer period due to this missing heartbeat but in the end all looked great.

That's all from me now.. I will hopefully have more to update you on this coming Thursday or I will do as soon as I can if I end up delivering her Thursday.. wish us luck!

The one before the "due date"

2010-10-09T12:16:00.005+04:00

So here I am at 39 weeks and 6 days on the eve of my "due date" and all is good. Now that all the anticipation of Isabella being born early is gone I am feeling a new sense of peace. I know she will be born eventually so for now I chose to enjoy this last few days of being pregnant. I rub my belly and follow her many kicks and stretches and in the meantime enjoy sleeping in and go about life in a "I do what I want when I want kind of attitude" knowing that when Miss Izzy is here she will be the boss.

Yesterday D and I made Clam Chowder for the first time and it came out so yummylicious! We feel in love with it when we went to San Francisco and still dream of it, so it was lovely to be able to eat it again. Then worked on our garden which is now coming back to life after the heat of the summer, D measured around the edges of the garden and then him and my mom took out a strip of grass and I added little white stones. We have not finished yet but it is starting to look amazingly good! The white stones give out this lovely light at night and it will be much easier to maintain it. We then did a BBQ which was yummy and I even made a potato salad for the first time which came out delicious. We finished the night watching football on tv.. perfect way to end a great day!

Today we started on the garden again but it was way too hot so we left it for later on this afternoon. My mom and dad went off into town on their own and we stayed behind to chill out and catch up on the tv shows we have been missing out on. This afternoon we are off to an exhibition center to check out modified and one of a kind types of cars which should be interesting! As you can tell I am keeping busy and life is good.. As I type Izzy is kicking away and stretching her long legs on the side of my belly telling me she is in need of nourishment so I am off making some pasta and pesto! We shall see what tomorrow shall bring us..

The week of false alarms

2010-10-07T17:53:00.003+04:00

Me at 38 weeks and 4 days and today at 39 weeks and 4 days.. the bump has dropped!

This week has been the week of "is this it?" Every cramp, every weird symptom points me to think that labour is underway and that I will give birth within 24 hours.. well every time I have been wrong so far. Yesterday was our 10 year anniversary, D went to work and I spent the day with my parents walking in one of the many malls in the hope that walking would help with labour. We walked for one hour and a bit and my back was really aching at the end. We had lunch and I started having contractions every hour or so. Then we went home chilled out and they came back again at 5.30 pm then D got home and I was still having them. We all got ready for a lovely celebratory dinner out and left for the restaurant. On the way I got some more contractions and more painful ones followed every hour whilst having dinner. Towards the end I had to ask my parents and D to leave as I could not stand it anymore. We all thought this was it and went home to take the suitcase downstairs and get all our stuff in order just in case. My contractions were still an hour apart. I kept active and at midnight I went to bed to get some rest. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee but nothing more and this morning I felt great again and haven't had any contractions. I know Izzy is not due for another 3 days but I had hoped she would take us all by surprise and be like mommy.. always a but early..I now have a feeling she is like her daddy, right on time or slightly late. Only time will tell.

For almost 40 weeks I am still doing great and only today took off my wedding and engagement rings just in case my hands swell up. I am walking around most days and keeping active around the house too. I have my moments where I freak out and think I won't be able to do it, that I won't be up for it and I will fail. I read the labour and delivery books constantly and keep thinking I am about to go for an exam that I cannot fail. It's stressful but so exciting at the same time. I have to say the weeks are blending together but it's great to have the company of my parents to make the days go by faster. They are as eager as D and I to meet their third granddaughter but are being super supportive in the waiting game.

D is doing great but I feel he is as excited as I am to meet his daughter. He thought she would be born on the 1st and now that is almost 10 days ago every "ouch" and every contraction make him jump and be ready for the big event. He is so ready to be a daddy but I think he is also a bit freaked out about the whole seeing me give birth part of things. We have been through thick and thin together and we know that this is going to be one of the the most amazing moments of our lives we will never forget, so just need to focus on that and get rid of all those fears.

39 weeks check up today

2010-10-04T12:03:00.003+04:00

I am waiting around the house for 2.30 to go for my check up and see what they tell me. Every day I get a few more BH but they always go away and for the last 3 days I have had diarrhea in the morning which is unusual for me. I am looking at every symptom and every sign in anticipation but so far nothing has happened. I will see what the doctor tells me today... I have no idea if they will mention induction or if they will let me wait until I am after my due date to suggest it. What I know is that I am getting more and more excited as each day goes by... Izzy is super active still and her kicks and movements are still constant which is always reassuring.

My parents are being supportive and it's great to have them here. They are watchful of my every move and since they have arrived D has been able to relax more too. We are also super excited about our upcoming anniversary on the 6th of October, it's our 10 years together... only 2 days to go.. I wonder if she will wait till then to be born on our special day! Only time will tell.... cannot wait to kiss, hold and meet her!!!

*******Update*******

Went for my check up and all is ok as they don't do internal exams unless absolutely needed I don't know if I am dilated at all or not but they said everything looks great. Izzy is still head down and feels engaged so all is good. I have lost some weight probably due to the recent stomach issues which the doctor blames on a possible stomach bug or as a sign of my body readying itself for labour! Next appointment is on the 11th.. the day after my due date we shall see if we need it.. if we make it that far I intend to ask to be induced as I cannot afford to wait at home on leave and waste all my leave whilst she is still not born.. we hope this won't be necessary!

I am still here

2010-09-28T15:08:00.003+04:00

Just a quick one.. I am still going strong and still doing well! Went for my 38 weeks check up and u/s and Izzy is doing great! She has hair and she has grown beautifully and now is 3.499kg which is about 7.7 pounds. Apparently she is going to be a very tall little girl as she is measuring way ahead of all the girls her age.. I knew her kicks were strong and her legs long but I didn't know that long! I cannot wait to meet her so bad!

My parents are here so every day I a busy with something or the other and enjoying having them here a lot! It's been so long and now I am catching up.. hence my lack of posts! I will try to update you on the progress but I don't have much time to keep up with all your blogs...I will try do this at least once a week!!

Last day at work

2010-09-23T12:45:00.003+04:00

Today is my last day at work for the year. I am off on maternity/paid and unpaid leave until the end of January and I am super excited. I cannot believe the time for it is already here. After looking forward to this date since the middle of April, now it's here it does not feel real. I am telling everyone who cares to listen that it's indeed my last day and I have even brought miniature cupcakes to make sure everyone knows I am off. I leave with a bit of a dark cloud over my position within the company as I have no idea if my job will still be here by the end of January. My company is going through some major restructuring and no one knows how things will shape up in the coming months. I have jokingly asked if I will be returning to this office after my maternity or this is more of a "goodbye and good luck" kind of exit and no one has been able to give me a straight answer. When all these rumours first started emerging I was really worried and concerned, now I look at things with "what will be will be approach". If I come back and still have a job great, if it's not the case I will take my redundancy money and reconsider what will happen. For now my number one focus is my baby girl's arrival and nothing or no one is going to spoil that!

I think at first it's going to be strange being off for so long and yet I know once she gets here the days are just gonna fly. I won't have time to sit and think, I will have the most amazing job on earth.. Being a mommy and I cannot wait for it!

Things are proceeding well in our preparations for THE day. Last night I was so tired from work and going food shopping afterwards but I have been wanting to make a lasagna to freeze just so that if my parents get here and I am in hospital they will have something warm and home made to enjoy. So I put a chair next to my cooker and made it sitting down. I had pretty intense BH and Izzy was kicking me right on my cervix which didn't help. It's all ready and looked yummy now all that D or my mom will need to do is bake it.

My dad got the all clear from his cardiologist to travel and his heart is doing so well that he won't need to go back for another year now which is just amazing. Last time they visited us he had a small incident where his heart went into atrial fibrillation again so we had to rush him to the hospital, admittedly we overdid things and he got too tired too quickly. This time, we are going to take things at a different pace and make sure he and I both get plenty of rest. I cannot wait to have them over. D keeps hoping Izzy hangs in there fore a little longer so my parents get a chance to see me pregnant. We shall see if our little princess is willing to wait or is ready to break free.

some advice for my daughter

2010-09-22T14:13:00.006+04:00

I have read this type of post on a few other blogs and as the weeks turn into days (18 to go today according to the ticker!) I am inspired to start one for my baby girl...

No matter what people tell you or what you might read in "beauty" magazines you are beautiful, just as you are. Not thinner, with different hair, taller, shorter legs.. you are perfect just as you were made. Always remember that true beauties lies within.
Don't spend hours, days and years obsessing over every little detail of your appearance..it's time wasted. Don't get me wrong, sweetie pie, there is nothing wrong in experimenting with make up, changing hair colour, tyring new styles.. but don't let this be your main focus in life.
Be good to your body. Your body is your biggest asset so make sure you look after it. You might hate it at times but trust me if you don't treat it with respect and love you might end up regretting it one day.
Make friends. Invest that time you have just saved (see point number 2! ) on making friends. You don't need a lot of friends, I can count my true friends on one hand, it's not a popularity contest. You will learn and be able to differentiate between a real friend and someone who is an acquaintance. Cherish and invest in your true friends because those are the ones you will lean on for the rest of you life.
Have lots of fun and make sure to surround yourself with people that make you laugh at least once a day.
Embrace who you are. Your background is a diverse and interesting one and I hope you are able to get to know each and every of the 3 countries you come from. I hope you won't be intimidated by it all but that you will be able to see it as a beautiful adventure.
Don't be afraid to speak out for what you believe in. Your views might not be the same as everybody else's but that doesn't make them less valid or interesting.
Make mistakes. I am sure that as your mom I shouldn't tell you this, but I don't feel right leaving this out. "The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one."--Elbert Hubbard. We all make mistakes and I believe is those mistakes that make us who we are today. So don't be afraid to venture out into the world and LIVE my sweetie pie.
I hope you find your passion in life, no matter what it is. I hope you will find that something that makes you get up in the morning with a smile.
Travel and explore the world. There is nothing more eye opening than travelling and experiencing different and diverse cultures.
You will fall in love many times and every time it might feel like your life won't be able to go on without that person...trust me, life does go on. Your heart will unfortunately be broken over the course of your life and you will break many in return...but life carries on and eventually you will meet that one person that you will want to spend the rest of your life with. Trust me all the others won't even compare.
"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do." H. Jackson Brown. If daddy and I let had the odds stacked against us get in our way, we would never have you to hold and love every day. When people tell you something is impossible, evaluate your odds, do your own research and most importantly listen to what your heart tells you is right. If you feel it's what you were meant to do, put all your heart into it and go for it.. if it fails.. wipe away the tears, collect your thoughts and if it's still worth it.. try again.
Ultimately baby girl, remember your mom and dad love you beyond words. You are our miracle baby girl and in our eyes you will never be anything less than perfect (now, don't go on abusing this right!!!). We are always here for you no matter what happens in life, you just pick up the phone and we will be there in no time.

One eventful night

2010-09-21T09:20:00.004+04:00

Last night was pretty uneventful until I started going to the toilet every 5 minutes to pee. I couldn't understand how I would need to pee so much. After I'd pee some liquid would come out which I couldn't figure out if it was more pee or it could be amniotic fluid all I know is that it smelled sweet which was so odd. I told D that something felt weird and he dismissed it saying it's just nothing and that my water couldn't be breaking without me losing my mucus plug. I asked him to consult Dr. Google and after 5 minutes he started to get a bit more concern, he read that I should lie down for 30 minutes then get up and see if more liquid would come out then it could well be amniotic fluid. I did that and when I got up no fluid came running down but I still needed to pee. I also got pretty intense BHs, enough for me to stop walking and wait to see if they would go.

When I looked at my belly in the mirror I could see how much it has dropped and how far she has now moved down. I think all the extra preassure of her moving down so much is causing me to go pee more often and is also causing all these more intense BHs. At one stage I was in so much pain that D was ready to take me to the hospital. I have never seen him so freaked out and unglued. He is normally the calm one out of the two of us but it was me who was reassuring him that everything was ok and that it was probably just BHs and that if I felt them getting /closer together I would tell him and we could go. I laid down and as soon as I did that the preassure was less and I managed a good night sleep.

So what I have learnt out of this situation is that for the next 2 weeks we are going to have a lot of false alarms, that I will need to be super considerate of D because I know how freaked out he gets knowing I am in any kind of pain and that as spectator he won't know what the pain feels like or if I can handle it. I was able to reassure him that everything was ok and that it was probably a false alarm and by the time we went to bed he was back to his calm self. I think I handled yesterday pretty well, I saved us a trip to L&D and was able to recognise that it was a false alarm. Looking back and thinking I could have been close to labour I felt pretty cool and was impressed at how I managed to stay calm. It was weird but I felt so excited at the prospect that it could have been the right moment! I always thought I would have been a nervous wreck instead I felt ready for whatever was to come and excited to get things started too. We know it's a waiting game..

Check-up update

2010-09-20T12:11:00.004+04:00

I just got back from my 37 weeks check up and it all went really well. I got there early as usual but I was still able to register and then I was sent straight for my urine tests, which came back all clear and then I was asked if I wanted to see a doctor now. D was supposed to meet me there for 9.20 so I called him and told him not to bother as I was already going in. Saved him the long drive over.

I was seen by Dr. Chillaxed, he is the doctor that I was recommended to by my Miracle Doctor and I have only seen him once before. He is a Sudanese doctor in his 50s I would say and he is so laid back and relaxed that he really calms me down every time I see him. I have to say most of the doctors I see are all relaxed and so friendly. Anyway, he asked me about my birth plan and whether I had changed my mind and wanted a c-section and I said that unless it was medically needed I wouldn't want one. He asked me about the epidural as last time I said maybe I would want one and this time just to be sure, I said I defiantly want one. Why suffer through this when I can do it pain free, I am not looking for the "original birth experience" and I am not afraid to say it. My blood preassure is great, my weight has gone up by 2 pound in the last 2 months which is good, I knew my weight gain was going to slow down towards the end. I then heard the heart beating which was nice and strong and then the doctor felt my bump to see Izzy's position which is still head down. He checked my ankles for swelling but I have none and he said everything looks just great.He booked me in next week for an ultrasound to see how Miss Izzy is doing. I cannot wait to see her again but I bet we won't see much as she is going to be so squished up in there.

My parents arrive next Sunday for their month stay and I cannot wait to have them over. Part of me is a bit concerned about having them over for such a long time but then again I know I will feel more relaxed knowing they will be home with me during the day and D will also feel like there is less preassure on him too to be there in case I go into labour when he is at work. We shall see how the month goes... I am sure once Izzy gets here it's going to go by so fast! D and I keep thinking about when she will be born and he believes she will be born early October, I kept thinking she will be early but now I have a feeling she will be just on time. Time will tell!

Finally, last night I was in the garden watering the grass and as I looked up in the sky I saw a shooting star! I stood there gobsmacked as I hadn't seen one in such a long long time. I stood there trying to make the perfect wish and then I ran... well waddled, more like.. inside to tell D. I was so excited about it.. he said he must be a good sign!

Full term!!!!

2010-09-19T13:45:00.003+04:00

We are officially 37 weeks along today and have reached that amazing milestone that signifies that everything is going to be ok. I cannot believe we are already here, when I look back it seems it was January a month ago and here we are almost in October! The idea that Izzy can be here any day is just beyond my poor pregnant brain and both D and I look at one another thinking this is just so incredible. Soon enough our lives will change forever, we are no longer going to be "just the two of us", we are going to be a family of 3! I get goosebumps just thinking of this amazing idea and cannot believe how blessed we are and have been to have come all the way here and be so close to meeting our little princess!

Given this special date I am want to do an update on how things are going now at 37 weeks! Tomorrow we have a check up at the hospital and I have a page of questions for the doctor this time, D is able to come along and I am so thankful for that.

Weight gained so far: no idea as I have not stepped on a scale since I was 33 weeks. My pregnancy clothes fit so I don't care really.

Stretch marks: still none on my belly but I have discovered some on my right upper thigh so I am now adding my miracle cream to it. I hear they will go away after so I am not too fussed.

Biggest change: my bump. It's huge and since last week it has dropped lower down. I love how it turns heads when I walk around.. it's my best and most precious asset! I love cuddling it, kissing it too (air kissing mainly.. I am not that flexible!!) and it's incredible to see Izzy's feet and elbows poking through when she is being super active which is often these days. I keep reading that babies slow down in terms of movement but not our baby girl, she keeps on kicking and turning like she has ton of room in there.

Major purchase/change in her nursery: nothing really we have everything we need now and her room is just waiting for her to come home! We have left the rocking chair downstairs in our living room for now but we will move it to her room once she is born.

Sleeping: still sleeping well despite waking up more often needing to pee a lot more. Tossing and turning has become a bit of a challenge but I am still managing.

Cravings: sweet things these days.. my hunger is back with the vengeance! The other night I woke up in the middle of the night and I was actually hungry. I have never once indulged that night hunger (not that it happens often) as I didn't want to make into a nightly thing but a few nights ago I really was tempted. I tend to crave ice-creams or cakes but the amount I eat is not any different than it would have been pre-pregnancy.

How is D doing: great! He cannot wait to meet his baby girl and see what she is going to be like. After having carried her with me for 9 months he is looking forward to some father-daughter time and I cannot wait to see them together. He loves going into her nursery looking into her cot bed and imagining her being there. He loves the room we have made for her and feels so proud of all the work he has put into it and how he was there choosing everything with me. He is on high labour alert and told me he keeps imagining running out of the office telling everyone I am in labour! Even though he has come up with the silliest songs for me to give birth to... one of them being "Big girls don't cry" (had me laughing so much!!)..I know he is going to be a great labour partner!!!

What I am looking forward to: the birth and meeting Isabella. I just cannot wait for that moment when labour starts and all gets going. Knowing that our baby girl could decide to be born any minute feels my life with happiness and anticipation!

What I miss: nothing at this moment. I have days when I miss the strenght of my body but as I have been lucky and can still do a lot of the things I want to do, I don't really miss it. Plus I know my body's strenght is going to come into play when I'll go into labour.

Best moments: feeling her strong movements, her kicks and bumps, seeing my belly move with her and knowing she is ok. Seeing her move like crazy whenever I talk to D on the phone or whenever he is the room and she hears his voice. It's incredible how much she loves hearing her daddy's voice!

Have I lost it?

2010-09-16T11:20:00.005+04:00

Over the last week or so I have been especially needy, clingy and downright demanding. I don't know what's going on with me but I cannot shake these feelings. If D doesn't text or call during the day I get all annoyed and upset, if he is late from work I get in such a bad mood and start crying. It seems that his attention is never enough. Last night I was in "the mood" and I told him as much but instead of jumping to the fact I was up for it, he said he had to finish what he was doing. By the time he was done, about 15 minutes later, I was all upset and no longer in the mood. He came over and told me why I was upset and I blurted all these feelings out and the minute I did we both started laughing at how irrational and out of character I am behaving.

We have seen this happening to a lot of friends and we used to joke about this and now here I am in the same shoes as those irrational women! I really put it down to hormonal changes because last week I was my normal self and this week I am wreck. Last week I was still full of energy and could do everything I wanted to, this week I am more restricted in my activities and feel like I need to slow down a hell of a lot. I think this might have something to do with why I am feeling so "weird".

I haven't passed any more unusual looking discharges so I am thinking that the other day was a one off and unless I see anything happening in the next couple of days. I cannot wait for my appointment next week Monday to see how things are looking and where we stand. I heard a lot of women having internal exams to see how far along they are in terms dilation so I wonder if I'll also get one. I want to have a Group B strep exam done as I haven't had one yet and I will ask if they run NST at this stage. The doctor won't know what hit her/him!!

I have just taken my weekly belly shot and the contrast between last week and this week is huge! Izzy has grown so much in the last couple of weeks that if I hadn't taken the pictures I would never know!

Mucus plug or nothing?

2010-09-15T09:27:00.002+04:00

Yesterday was a "not so hot day". We are going through a restructuring exercise at work and I have no idea if I will still have my job by the time I come back to work next year. My boss who has always helped me and supported me is worried about where he stands and the people at the top are too concerned about playing political games than actually getting on with the restructuring. I have been in the same situation since November of last year and unless things change things will still be like this by the time I am back at the end of January. So yesterday it was just negative info after negative info.

I was also super hungry, I mean REALLY hungry. I have not been this hungry since the beginning of my pregnancy where I would need a snack every hour or so.. I ate my usual snacks and meals combinations and still felt hungry within an hour of eating them. I started getting my usual back rib pain on the left and a headache just for good measures. We were supposed to meet friends at a comedy club but I was in no position to go so we cancelled.

*TMI alert*After dinner I went to the bathroom and I saw a little yellowish looking sticky thing on my pantyliner with one dot of blod in it. It looked a bit like the type of discharge you get before you ovulate but yellow and less mucus-like. I called D to have a look at it and then I googled away for some answers. I still don't know if this is part of my mucus plug or what but it's the first time I get discharge that looks different in 9 months so it could be something, right?

I have also noticed that Izzy has definitely moved down a bit as my belly touches my thighs when I am sitting down which did not last week and I am peeing a lot more these days even at night. I wake up around twice to three times a night/morning. I know that even if it's part of the mucus plug, we could still have a long way to go, but it's still exciting to know that things are moving along.

A friend of mine said that the last month feel like an overly stretched 2ww and she was spot on! I find myself looking for signs/symptoms that something might be happening and I over analyse everything just like I used to do during the 2ww. I am not anxious or apprehensive about it all and I am not in a hurry for it to happen yet, I just find this last part of pregnancy to be exciting and filled with anticipation in knowing that every day could be THE day!

Marathon runner

2010-09-14T16:47:00.001+04:00

That's my brother for you. He started running around the same time his first daughter was born almost 4 years ago, ever since he has run the London Marathon and then last Sunday he ran the Nottingham Marathon after preparing for it in just 3 weeks. He is Superman!

If you think that two marathons in less than 3 years is enough you haven't met my brother. He is now talking about doing doing an event short of a triathlon where he will cycle as well as run! I admire his determination, endurance and he leaves me wondering where he gets all this energy from!!

Hot and cold

2010-09-13T09:51:00.003+04:00

One minute I am fine the next I am not so great... I suppose this is what the last month of pregnancy is meant to feel like. If one moment I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to the next all I can do is drag my ass to the sofa before I pass out. Yesterday at work I had this dull pain in my lower abdomen that truly felt like BH/contractions. One minute my whole bump would be hard as a rock and then the pain would go and Izzy would move like crazy and on and on it went for about 2 hours. I walked around a lot but it would not go away. Finally by the time I went home it finally went and I was super energetic again. I did a lot of organising around the house and cooked dinner. Then D got home and went outside to finish trimming the hedges of the garden (which now looks so so good!) and I went outside to help collect the grass. I went back inside hang up the washing and by this stage I started feeling BH again. So I laid down and did nothing else for the evening until it was bed time! I suppose it's my body's way of telling me to take it easy and not push myself too hard.

My mom tells me to take it easy and not do too much but I feel like there is still so much to be done before they arrive and before Izzy arrives. Her room is as good as ready but I still want to do a few things before they get here on the 26th that otherwise I won't have time to do. I bought Izzy a few sleep suits that will fit her from 3-6 months just in case she is born big and we won't have anything at home (I know crazy but had to be done!) and so I washed all of them together with new bed sheet for the guest beds that I want to iron and prepare for when my parents get here so they have two sets to last them a while! I also want to organise D's dad single bed which is as good as ready apart from the bed sheets. Tonight is ironing night. I suppose once I am done with this I should be done but knowing me, I'll find something new to keep myself busy with!!

I got inspired by reading Mare's blog about how she joined a quilting class. It got me thinking about how I would love to quilt Isabella her own quilt to keep in years to come. I told D and he thinks it's a great idea. I think I will leave this until my mom gets here. We made this wonderful quilt when I was still at school as part of my final year project. We picked the material together and spent hours on end working on it so I think it would be amazing to do something similar for my daughter. D has even said he can help with the pattern and picking the material. All I know for sure it's that I'd like it to have her birthday on it and her name. For now I'll start thinking patterns and ideas...

Last night before bedtime D and I went into Izzy's room to test the new lamp in the dark and it looks great. It gives out just enough light not to wake her up and for us to be able to check in on her. We could spend hours in there just looking at it, all the hard work to get it ready has paid off and now we can just step inside and enjoy it. We just love the overall look and how it looks just the right amount of feminine. Sometimes we go up to the crib and look, almost expecting to see Izzy laying there waiting for us.... we have practiced with teddy bears so far but we cannot wait for the real deal!!! 27 days till my due date and 5 days to full term... our baby girl is coming home soon!!

36 weeks

2010-09-12T13:02:00.005+04:00

I am 36 weeks today and officially in the 9th month!! I cannot believe it we are already here, time is just flying by at the moment. We are one week away from being "full term" so every day we are waiting to see if today is The day. I know it's still early but I have a feeling Izzy pie wants to be born soon. I feel her moving a lot these days and struggling to get into a comfy position. Yesterday and today have been non stop of activity in there. She tosses to one side then decides to move to the opposite and it's just non stop. I think it's because she is growing so fast now and the space in there must be close to none and as she is like mommy she cannot stay still but struggles to move as freely as before. Yesterday my belly looked like I had just eaten a huge peanut! Today it's a bit better but not by much. It's not uncomfortable but at times I feel like she is going to stretch her way out of there Alien style... Otherwise I am doing good. I do get some cramps here and there that feel like period pain but they go away if I change position or sit down for a while. I have started experiencing pain in the back of my thigh which after much googling I have discovered could be sciatica. It's only painful if I have been sitting down for too long.

We had a lovely long weekend which was much needed!! On Wednesday I went and did some major shopping for when my parents arrive in 2 weeks and for D's arrival on the 10th. I bought new sheets and house plants, tablecloths and other useful things for around the house. I also finished putting together Izzy's room in terms of her little side table, lamp and baby monitor! All is set for the big arrival!!

In the evening we met up with a friend of ours and we got home at 1am! This friend of ours F, got us this cute little pendant for Izzy which has her name in Arabic engraved in it. So so cute!

Thursday D was at home so we had a relaxing brunch then chilled out for the rest of the day, then we went out for dinner at this new Greek restaurant with friends! The food was amazing and the company was great! Friday we took it easy and yesterday D mowed the lawn and trimmed all the hedges in our garden which now looks so much better for it. Then we went out for dinner in this cute little place that does nothing but Hot Pot. I have never had it before but D has been going on about it for months so last night we finally went. It was great fun for such simple food. I love the concept and enjoyed my food so much!! You basically chose a type of soup base then you pick your ingredients and you make your own soup/Hot Pot. It's really a lot of fun and healthy too!

Now I am back at work for the next 2 weeks until my maternity leave kicks in and I cannot wait for it. I really don't want to go into labour at work...

holiday mood, cramps and massages

2010-09-07T09:31:00.006+04:00

Today is my last working day until next Sunday and I am super happy! I would be happier if D's company would decide to announce his leave and be done with it too rather than keep us all waiting! We are not going anywhere but it would be nice to have some relaxing time together rather than me having days off now and D being off on Sunday... fingers crossed! Every public holiday has fallen either on a Friday or a Saturday so we have had no extra paid holidays this year which sucks especially as we have both being saving days for the BIG event! I have 31 days of leave and D has 26 which considering there are only 3 months left of the year it's an achievement! I start my maternity leave on the 26th of September and I cannot wait!!

Cramps wise after much Googling I believe it's Izzy's way of letting us know she is getting ready to be cuddled, kissed and loved beyond words by us. The pains I am getting are sharp stabbing pains down in my cervix, they come and go mainly when Izzy is moving or when I have been moving around too much and they always go away after I lay down or rest on my gym ball for a while. I have not gone back to the hospital because I know these are not contractions but probably BH. Yesterday I had more a dull kind of pain in my back and leg whilst I was out shopping. I sat down for 5 minutes got up and they went. I read these kind of pains are only gonna get more intense and frequent as the days near the BIG day so I just need to toughen up and watch out for when the real contractions start! We shall see if I will manage it...

Massages.. oh I used to think of massages as in the ones you do at a spa and where you leave feeling as if you are made out of jelly. Well nowadays massages have a different connotation for me. I am talking about Pernial Massages. Yes, I took the plunge and I have been doing them for the past 2 nights. I read it's best to start at 34/35 weeks and as I couldn't bring myself to start last week, this week I had to start. I was moaning about them to D and he said "after all we have been through to get here you are moaning about a massage.. come on you are better than that!" then the following night he said "if you want to tear go ahead and skip the massages" which worked for me! The same evening I went upstairs, got a mirror to familiarise myself with the whole thing and started. I have no idea if I am doing it properly but I am really trying to follow the instructions and at the end of the day it can only help right??

*****update*****

It worked, D has Thursday off!!! I wish he had tomorrow off as well but you cannot have everything so at least we are having a long weekend together!! Yaaay!!!

Ode to pregnancy

2010-09-06T11:22:00.002+04:00

Last night D touched my belly and said how full and hard it feels and asked me if I have had it with pregnancy and wish Izzy could just be born already. My instinctive reaction was "no way". The fact of the matter is that I have and still am loving every minute of pregnancy, I know it has a lot to do with how hard we tried to get pregnant and what we had to do to get pregnant but part of it is just me loving every minute of this experience and feeling great too.

Before I got pregnant I would suffer from a bad sensitive stomach, strong headaches, painful periods, night sweats, moodiness and the list goes on and on. On top of these annoying physical signs I was never truly happy in my own body and felt that my body had let me down by not allowing me to get pregnant. I was depressed for a good 2 years during our quest of getting pregnant and no amount of love or distractions would make it all ok. Since January 25th all of this has changed. Even though I had minor problems at the beginning of my pregnancy, I have never felt better in my life in terms of my body and also emotionally. My headaches, the bad stomach, the night sweats all of it is gone. Of course I haven't had a period in almost 9 months which has been an improvement for me! My hair is luscious and I hardly need to wash it, my nails are super strong and never break, my skin is as soft baby skin. I love my new body, love my big round belly and the bigger boobs, I don't mind the fact that I have gained more than the advised amount because I know all is well with the baby and that's what counts.

Emotionally I feel in my element; I feel happy beyond words and whenever something gets me down I think of what's going on in my body and that puts a big smile back on my face. I also thank my body for reacting to pregnancy in such an amazing way. I thank it for not letting me down and apologise to it for not trusting it could do it. It seems strange but I feel like I owed it to her after all the crap I gave her! I find myself laughing a lot more than I used to and I have a different prospective on the small things that used to annoy me or get me down. I just see them for what they are and ignore them.

I am still amazed with what's going on within my body and thank God for granting me this amazing miracle of pregnancy. When we first TTC I always assumed pregnancy was something everyone got to experience unless they chose not to and boy, was I wrong. Infertility has thought me that for some of us it's not that simple. I feel extremely blessed with this gift and it's this knowledge that it could have easily gone the other way that has never left me throughout this pregnancy. It's the fact that so many other women are still struggling to get to where I am and some other never will get here that has never allowed me to focus on the small annoyances of pregnancy. When I tell people how blessed I feel they look at me as in to say that everyone who gets pregnant is blessed. I agree but I don't necessarily know if other non IF women know how truly blessed they are to be pregnant and that it's not a gift granted to all.

I have to say I will miss being pregnant, of course I will have my baby girl in my arms and I will feel a new sense of awesomeness but for now I intend to make the most of the remaining "pregnant" time I have left.

a good weekend

2010-09-05T13:14:00.013+04:00

As the working week start again in the UAE (we work Sunday through to Thursday, then have Friday and Saturday off) I am left wanting more weekend as the one just gone was a blast! Thursday after work D went to ACE to get a new garden trimmer and then to Toys R Us to get a singing octopus for Izzy (it's super cute, colourful and it makes music!)

In the meantime I went to get my eyebrows threaded followed by a blow dry. I love going to this spa as everyone fusses over my belly and asks me 1001 questions about how I am feeling and how Isabella is doing. I have really started enjoying going since getting pregnant which is strange but D seems to think it's Izzy's influence on me.. I wonder if he is right and she is going to be a girly girl! HEHE

On Friday I woke up at 8 and could not fall back to sleep. I started reading and in no time I was crying my eyes out. Now this has NEVER happened to me before. I have cried watching movies or listening to songs but reading a book, never. Well on Friday morning I was a wreck! Thank God D was asleep and that I didn't wake him up! I am reading Jane Green's latest book called The Love Verb which is beautiful written but so sad... When D woke up at around 11 I told him I had been crying all morning and that I had wet the bed and his face went all white and he shifted position to look at me to see if I was serious and then I knew he understood it as if my waters broke!! He called me a silly cow... I know I deserved it!! lol

We went for brunch at a Belgian Cafe which was ok but the food selection was very limited so we were not too impressed. Then we went home and chilled out for the rest of the afternoon, I even managed to nap for 2 hours and then we got ready to go enjoy Iftar at friends house. Iftar is when Muslim people break their fast during Ramadan and it's normally a big meal delicious meal. We met at our friends' house ready to eat for 6.30/6.45pm. As usual our friends made enough food for an army but considering the majority of the people at the table were guys, it's understandable. My friend made me Musakhkhan (not to be mistake with the Greek Moussaka), which is a traditional Palestinian dish of chicken, onions and sumac spices baked in Arabic bread. I love this dish so much I could eat it every day and it's so simple to make too. After we all digested our meal we enjoyed some traditional arabic sweets and some sweets we brought along too including a yummy pistachio based strawberry tart! Yum Yum. After we left their place, D and I and another couple went to a nearby pub to try watch the Belgium V Germany match on tv but we had no luck. We ended up chatting away until midnight and only getting home for 1am.

Yesterday we had to take D's car back to the mechanic as his horn and lights were not working properly, hopefully he will get it back today. Late in the afternoon we headed to Dubai to look at table wear and a nightstand and night lamp for Izzy's room. We went into Crate & Barrell and found so many cute things and also a new set of everyday glasses, different vases and lots of other things. It's our new favourite home store!! We stopped at Pottery Barn Kids and found this amazing lamp base that turns on with a dimmed light if you touch it once, with a medium light if you touch it twice, with a brighter light if you touch it three times and it turns off if you touch it four times. Given we were looking for a nightlight this is just perfect, we liked the pink pleated shade in pink. We also got a mobile with sea creatures that plays " You are my sunshine". We found the nightstand to put the lamp on and underneath the baby monitor but as they didn't have it in stock we'll have to go back for this Tuesday.

After we were done shopping we went to meet up with a friend of ours who lives in Dubai and her new boyfriend. It was the first time we met him and we were really impressed with him. He did not fall into the typical guys she goes for and seemed to be genuine with us without trying to impress us. He makes her very happy and has been treating her like a queen so that has to be a good sign! She deserves to be happy and be with someone who respects her and treats her properly so we hope for her that he is the one! We shall wait and see but for now we are happy all around!

We made it home for bedtime... tired but happy with such a great weekend! Now the new started and the countdown continues... I am 35 weeks with 35 days to go!! I cannot believe Izzy is going to be here so soon, time is literally flying by now!!

All is good in the world again

2010-09-02T10:12:00.012+04:00

Thanks ladies for your lovely messages and for "getting" where I was coming from. Reading your messages made me feel less like an hormonal crazy person! I have to say that after letting things cool down over the course of the day, we made up and now we are find again. It never takes D and I long to make up but I know we both need some time out before we get back to "normal". His dad can't change his tickets as he has work commitments so we will just have to hope that Izzy will be born within that week or before if not, then he will have to wait to meet her for Christmas. I am not going to over think this, I will just let it be and concentrate on the two most amazing people of my life..

The people from the baby store came by and delivered the cot bed as agreed, they were actually early but they waited for me to get home from work. The cot bed is stunning, even better than how we remembered it and it fits just perfectly in the nursery. The mattress is bigger than your average mattress which got me worried none of our fitted sheets would fit, but they did! I was almost in tears when I put the fitted sheet and it fit, what a relief! We also received the toy chest which looks just incredible and is so much bigger than what D and I remember. It'll fit all of Izzy's toys (whenever we get around to buying any that is..) and will keep her room nice and tidy... yeah right who am I kidding here??!? We arranged it all last night and we both didn't want to go sleep in our room, we wanted to sleep in her nursery.. it's so calming and relaxing. Here are a few pics of the almost finished room:

I have also been working on my ultimate Top 10 Pregnancy songs, I have added these to YouTube but I am 3 short! If you have any suggestions.. I'd love to hear them!!

Sod's law

2010-09-01T13:52:00.001+04:00

It's so typical of me to say how everything is great and on schedule and then the very next day I got very painful stabbing pains deep down in my "lady area". I was fine all day at work, then I after work I went into town and I started to feel a bit of preassure as I was walking around the shops but nothing major. I waited for D and we went home together and I was fine but when we got home it started and boy do they hurt. It felt like someone was stabbing me with a knife down there. I held my breath and instinctively put my hand down there to "protect" my parts. I tried sitting down but they kept on coming and Izzy was moving like crazy too. Then I laid down and slowly slowly they went. I drunk lots of water then went to pee and it kind of hurt when I passed urine which is weird as it never happened before. I took it easy and eventually they went. They felt more intense then last time and they lasted longer too, we are still talking about a matter of seconds but they surely did hurt. We didn't go to the hospital as they eventually went and we would have gone if they had continued but as they didn't, I didn't see the point.

Today was meant to be a happy day. D got his beloved car back after waiting for 3 weeks for the mechanics to fix it and in the afternoon we are supposed to get our much awaited cot bed and toy chest. Well instead we got into an argument over D's dad visit in October. He is a very stubborn man who makes his plans and then you are supposed to change your entire schedule around him. So D tells me his dad sent his travel details and that he has already booked his flights. He has booked them so he will arrive at 2am on the 10th of October which is my due date and leave on the 16th at another crazy hour. I went nuts. It drives me nuts how he just makes his plans and does not consult D about any of it, then makes the decision to come on the 10th assuming Izzy is already born when we all know babies come when they want to come and his ticket isn't even flexible so that he can change it should things change. Also the idea of spending 6 days at home with him and my parents and for every day for him to tell Izzy to hurry up will drive me up the walls! I can talk to my parents and tell them off when they step out of line or get on my nerves but it's different with him. I told D I couldn't handle this.. he needs to change his tickets and actually book flexible ones so should things change he can make different arrangements. I swear this man has always made selfish decisions so I don't see why the fact that his first granddaughter is close to being born should change things. He probably expects her to be born when he says so just because that's how he is used to treating everyone around him, D and his family included.

D is taking care of it but in the meantime we had a huge fight and now I am upset and know that he is upset as he hate confronting his dad and now my cramps are back. What a mess of a day.. we hadn't had a fight since I got pregnant until today.. but surely enough I knew that if we had one, it would have been over something like this. I hate feeling like so upset and wound up especially whilst at work as I cannot hide my tears and people look at me as if I have lost my mind, not that I care! I am gonna listen to my meditation and try chillax myself and Izzy who seems to know things are not good and who is moving around like a crazy child! I must try do better for her sake.. I don't want to go into premature labour over something so stupid!! So here goes.. breath in... and slowly breath out..

A religious question

2010-08-31T12:56:00.003+04:00

I know, I know... never bring up politics or religion unless you are looking for an argument, right? Well, I keep thinking about religion and whether to baptize Isabella or not. I do believe in God but I have never been a fan of organised religion. I am a catholic because I am Italian and most Italians are baptised Catholic at birth, I did all the sacraments required of a good Catholic child but my parents never forced made religion a big deal in our family. They have only started going to church a bit more in the last 3 years or so and even then they rather go pray in sanctuaries than churches. My brother who has also received all the catholic sacraments I have does not believe in the church either and has refused to go since the age of 16. I did attend for a while but got so disillusioned about the whole thing and now only go for Christmas mass as part of our family tradition than anything.

D was baptised Greek Orthodox as his mom was. His dad was Catholic but after D's mom passed away he converted to being Greek Orthodox too, I suppose grief makes you do things you would never consider otherwise. D doesn't attend Church either unless it's Easter and he happens to be in Greece.

Now that I have painted what our family is made up of in terms of religion, I ask myself, what should Isabella be? A Catholic like me, an Orthodox Greek like her daddy or neither and for her to decide later on in life? I hate the idea of choosing one over the other purely based on the fact of which one is less intrusive on her life or less demanding of her and us because that would mean I am making a decision thinking purely about my needs.

I remember thinking it was strange how my brother didn't baptised both of his daughters but now it makes more sense to me than baptising her one way or the other just because of family preassure or the need to conform to what society deems appropriate. I would also hate for her to say I am Catholic because my mom is or Orthodox because that's what my dad is and not knowing much about her religion at all. I don't see myself talking to her what it means to be a good catholic and if she were Greek Orthodox, I wouldn't know the first thing about it. I do see myself talking about the God I believe in and I pray to and as far as I know my God and the God D believes in, are the same.

There is also the added issue of who can be godparent when baptising in one church or the other? Could my mom be a godmother in the Orthodox Church even if she is Catholic? Could D's dad be a godparent in the Catholic Church if he is Orthodox? I already know that given we were not married in the Catholic Church we cannot have the baby baptised Catholic unless we swear to raise her up as such. I don't know, the more I read the more I am put off. When talking to a friend of mine and mentioning that being Orthodox is easier as you don't have as many sacraments as in the Catholic Church therefore less obligations than if she were Catholic, she mentioned that if that was the way we went about deciding things, we might as well not make the decision but leave it open for her to decide once once she grows up. I can see her point and the more I think of it, the more I agree with her.

D and I have spoken about this in passing but we have yet to sit down and actually make a decision on the matter. I know his family is more religious than mine and that they will push for her to be baptised Orthodox but I really don't feel that family preassure should be the deciding factor in something that would have such an impact on her life. As I have said, it's a tough one...

All is GREAT

2010-08-30T13:21:00.007+04:00

I just got back from the u/s and doctor's check up and all is looking GREAT! I went ahead of D and as I wanted to avoid a repeat of last time where I had to wait to register for an hour! This time no one was around and I was too early to register so I had to wait until I was allowed to! Typical me, always arriving early! Anyway after I registered, did my typical urine test and paid, D got there and we went for the scan. The tech explained that she will take all the measurements and it will then be the doctor explaining the u/s results, she will show us the baby in 3D at the end. It was obvious that Izzy was head down from the first image we saw. Yup my little rebel is head down and ready to go and I could not believe it. All the bouncing and turning on my pregnancy ball are paying off, I will definitely keep that up. The tech said that Izzy was covering her face with both hands and so she couldn't get a clear picture for us. She tried to make me cough and turn on my side but nada, our baby girl was napping just like her dad with her hands on her face and didn't want to be disturbed! At one stage we even saw her giving us the biggest of smiles, it was so unbelievable to see her do that!

After the scan we were both so relieved and happy that all is looking great. D had to go back to work and I went to see the doctor to hear how it all went. The doctor I saw this time (I see whichever doctor is available from my team) was a lovely Indian lady who reassured me straight away that all is great with our baby girl. She weighs 2.423 kg (5.3pounds) and she is indeed head down. The fluid in there is just the right level and the umbilical cord is working as it should do. I asked her about her hiccups and she told me it's perfectly normal not to worry about it. I have to monitor the movements but not in terms of counting, just in terms of making sure there isn't a change in her normal activity and that she is still moving around. She told me that as everything is going so well we don't have to go back for another 3 weeks which is great, she did tell me to go back at any time if I notice anything out of the ordinary but otherwise we go back on the 20th of September (10 days before my due date!)

Here are the two pics we got of Izzy today, a friend of mine said she looks like D a lot, I told D and his reaction was: "Poor Izzy". LOL

Questions

2010-08-29T13:40:00.007+04:00

Today we are 24 weeks and growing strong! Isabella is still happy kicking and moving around and all seems great. I know she is still not head down because I feel her moving and changing position often and also because her hiccups are sometimes low on the right, other times on the left and then sometimes near my belly button. I am doing well, still sleeping fine and managing to get up to use the bathroom only once per night (which makes me think there is no way she is head down!). I am not filled with energy but I am still doing pretty much everything I used to do, I do try to take it easy as much and I do sit on the pregnancy ball every night in the hope that it'll hep Izzy turn.

Tomorrow morning we have our scheduled u/s, followed by a doctor's visit and I cannot wait. I keep asking Izzy if she will be kind enough to let us see her lovely face but I guess she cannot guarantee what mood she will be in! LOL I told her daddy is taking time out from work just to be able to come see her so hopefully this will do the trick and she will not be hiding behind her legs again. I am not sure D will be able to stay for the check up as I know he is limited with time out of the office so we shall wait and see.

I am preparing a list of questions to ask the doctor tomorrow, most of the queries are related to the "what ifs" of Izzy's position. I am a planner so not knowing when or if she will turn is causing some uncertainty for me. I want to ask the doctor what his course of action will be in case she does not turn and when the decision will be made for a c-section or normal delivery. I have read enough bad stories of doctors trying to move the baby and this resulting in emergency c-sections for the baby as she gets entangled in the cord, so I am not for this kind of manoeuvre. I don't intend to put Izzy's life at risk for a "natural" delivery, I'd rather go for a c-section and knowing that she is safe.

I also want to ask the doctor if Izzy's recurrent hiccups are normal. She gets them up to 4 times a day and I just wonder if this is ok. I intend to ask the technician to check her neck to make sure her cord is not around her neck or anything, I have read about this being one of the causes for recurrent hiccups and I want to make sure they rule this out. I am sure the technicians are used to mothers over analysing everything!

In other weekend news, we went to IKEA yesterday and got some super cool things for the nursery. We bought a nursing chair to put in the nursery which can rock slightly, we still need to assemble it but we are sure it's going to look so cute in there and D reassured me it's the perfect buy as it's not too expensive and most importantly it's practical.

We also bought a little red table for Izzy's room and two white chairs. We know she won't use them now but we have my nieces coming to stay with us over Christmas and we are sure it's going to come in handy. We stopped at Baby Gap and D picked out a few items including the cutest little overalls and a little top to go with it (the pink and purple leggins are my choice!). We bought the 3-6 months size as she has enough clothes for now plus my mom and dad went on a shopping spree for Isabella and are bring loads of outfits from Italy for her. My mom is also knitting some cute special outfits just for her that I cannot wait to see. She told me that she came across a few items I used to wear as a baby and that she will bring them along so Izzy can wear mommy's clothes already!! So cute!!

Looking back

2010-08-26T11:08:00.006+04:00

I have just spent the last hour reading posts from the beginning of my 2nd cycle and I am now sitting here in tears. I need to get my act together as I am in the office! Reading back I cannot believe how blessed we are for our prayers and wishes to be answered. My last post of 2009 said that there was only one thing we wanted: to be blessed with a baby in 2010 and here we are in August with a baby who is almost ready to make her appearance. I looked at that first super faint BFP at 4 days after the transfer and actually got goose pumps, now that's crazy! How can a cheap Internet pregnancy stick give you such a buzz 8 months later?? Well it still does. That first super faint second line of two years of trying! It was so faint that it was there one minute and gone the next. I remember texting it to D at work and he could see it too.. I was not imagining things!

I think back at how that 2nd cycle started and how it continued, it had doomed all over it. I remember all the injections hurting, bleeding and bruising, the agony I was in during and after my ER when I woke up in the middle of it and they had to knock me out with more drugs, D telling me how much worst it was as she couldn't access the right ovary as easily, he said that's one thing he will never forget. I remember how we were told that none of the other 6 embryos made it to freezing and how lucky we felt knowing that we had 2 amazing looking blasts to implant. Despite all the odds being against us, here we are 45 days away from welcoming our baby girl into the world. Life surely is incredible.

You would think that after 8 months of pregnancy the feeling of being blessed would kind of go away and I would spend more time on the here and now but there isn't a day that goes by that D and I don't say how lucky we are to be where we are now. We both know how things could have easily turned the other way and how we would still be trying IVF, hoping for a miracle. There are still days when I wake up thinking it has all been a dream and I touch my belly wanting to feel its roundness and when I feel it I am able to breath again. People tell me if Izzy's night kicks keep me up or bother me, the truth is they never do. Her kicks are soothing for me, I fall asleep more easily knowing she is active in there because it means all is well. When I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, it's her movements that lull me back to sleep. People (that don't know me very well!) ask me if I am now tired of being pregnant and my answer is always No way! How can you be tired of something you have been praying and hoping for so long? How can I have enough when I know this might be the only time I'll ever experience pregnancy?? I count down to meeting Izzy because she is what it's all about, but in the meantime I am cherishing every moment of this amazing journey we have been on for the last 8 months and looking forward to the last month with excitment and anticipation!

Life surely is GREAT!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-25T14:00:00.009+04:00

Happy news

2010-08-24T12:47:00.003+04:00

It's raining BFPs for my IF girls and I am so happy for them!!

I am just so thrilled that so many of the IF girls I have been praying for are now pregnant. Some of these women have been waiting for such a long time and have been through such hard times but their time has come to finally relax and enjoy this new amazing journey!! Some had experienced late pregnancy losses followed by endless IVF cycles, others TTC naturally and it just never worked until they tried IUIs and it worked. All of them have one thing in common, they are real life superwomen! I am so in awe of their strenght and determination and know with 100% surety that their babies are going to be so loved and feel so wanted.

Just at the weekend I got an email from a cycle buddy of mine from last September and the December and she is now 16 weeks pregnant. Life can truly be amazing when you least expect it. She had previously lost her baby at 5 months along due to CF and she has been doing IVF cycles with PGD ever since . Their embryos never did well after the PGD testing and so for this latest cycle the did IVF and left the tests for after the cycle. Well it worked and she is now pregnant with a healthy baby girl!! Her sheer determination of not giving up and continuing on this journey is what got her here. Saying I am happy for her does not convey how I feel.

Another dear friend got pregnant and lost her baby early in her pregnancy. She gave herself a break and then started to TTC again but it just was not working for her. Month after month she hoped it would work. She then started IUIs and was even considering moving on to IVF when her last IUI cycle worked and she is now pregnant! Life can delivery you the biggest most amazing news when you least expect it.

There are still so many girls I am praying for, women who are mothers before having given birth. If life was simple they would be the one getting pregnant whilst not trying or on the pill, not teenage girls! But life is never that simple... I keep you girls in my prayers and one day, soon enough, I hope to be posting about your GREAT news until then... remember "never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do".

33 weeks and 1 day update

2010-08-23T12:57:00.004+04:00

I have been meaning to post an update and today seems like the perfect day for it.

Weight gained so far: 16kg which means that my weight gain has finally slowed down. At the rate at which I was going I was going to be huge come October but this is more like it. People that haven't seen me in a while keep telling me how all the weight is just on my belly... I am sure they are being kind.. my boobs are huge and my ass/thighs is the size of Brazil! But bring it on I say, I have a lifetime to lose it and go back to my old self, for now I have more important priorities to consider

Stretch marks: still not on my bump but I have seen them appear on my bum.. so now I started putting my miracle cream on my now very pampered derriere

Biggest change: my bump is getting so big these days and Isabella's movement continues to amaze me. I read that the movement is meant to slow down now but it has not for our little baby girl. She seems happy to move and toss and turn a lot and despite our best efforts to keep reminding her to be head down she flips around a lot. I can tell as our princess gets the hiccups a lot these days, and on an average day she gets it an average of 4 times, mainly after meals. So whether sometimes I feel her down below others I feel above my belly button. We shall see what the doctor tells us next week after our ultrasound (cannot wait for that

Major purchase/change in her nursery: well everything is coming together so well, yesterday we had the maintenance team come and install her sun lampshade. I put it together myself, whilst cussing out loud for choosing such a difficult lampshade but in the end it looks so so cute and it gives out this warm light that just looks right! I'll take some pics and post them on here. We are waiting for the cot bed and toys chest to arrive next week and cannot wait to finally have everything we need in the nursery. We are still planning on getting a cheap nursing chair from Ikea. It's D's idea and I have to agree it makes sense, we just don't want to spend a fortune on it so we shall see which one we get

Sleeping: I have to admit that after the first rough patch at the beginning of the month now I am sleeping so well. I still get up up to three times to use the bathroom but I am sleeping well and feel rested when I wake up. I give all the credit to my trusted body pillow.

Cravings: still none but when I told D that I like to eat sandwiches with hummus, tomatoes and cheese (that I make myself at my desk at work!) he thought that was a strange one. I am also not a fan of meat these days and stick with eating beans instead for the protein.

How is D doing: he cannot wait to see Izzy and get to have some Izzy and daddy time which I totally get as I have had 8 months and counting with mommy and Isabella's time and he needs to catch up. He wonders if she will recognise his voice and I keep reassuring him that of course she will! She will know straight away he is the one who has been showering her with kisses and hugs!! He is super proud of the fact that he was there painting and decorating her room with me and that every decision we have made on it has been a joint decision. Tonight we are going to look for some toys for Izzy as we haven't gotten an really apart from her play gym

What I am looking forward to: next week! We have the doctor's appointment on Monday and u/s, hopefully given the u/s is at 9.40 D can make it too at least just for the u/s part!! Then the baby shop we ordered the cot from said they will deliver it next week so that's going to be super exciting

What I miss: still our sex life.. I am now into that kind of mood where I have scared myself that having sex could harm the baby. I read on What to expect that it's advisable to have protected sex in the last weeks of pregnancy to avoid possible infections as one might be dilated already without knowing it. This didn't help! I will ask my doctor next week what he makes out of this.

Best moments: Isabella's reassuring kicks and movements and D's love and cuddles. There isn't one day that goes by that he doesn't tell me how beautiful I am pregnant and it surely makes me feel all loved up and sexy even now at 33 weeks pregnant!!

getting out of my funk

2010-08-22T13:32:00.009+04:00

I don't know what came over me yesterday but I could not stop crying. The last time I was in tears like that was the night before I got the decisive two lines on my pregnancy test. Poor D didn't know what to do with me. It all started when I said to D that I wanted to build the wardrobe we bought from Ikea for the guest room. D was not in a mood to do it but I felt that if we didn't build it then (it had been in our living room for 4 weeks already), it would have still been there when my parents show up in a bit over a month from now. I think it had something to do with me wanting everything in its place these days.. nesting and all that! He obviously didn't want to do it and I couldn't help him as the whole thing weight more than 40kg! He took all the pieces apart and proceeded to carry bit by bit up 2 flights of stairs. Once everything was upstairs I tried to help him but I couldn't do much. I just felt so useless and helpless. Normally I am the one that builds furniture and enjoys it, this time all I could do was look at the instructions and tell D where each piece went. I felt like a big fat loser. D was super quick and he was done within an hour but I could tell he was still upset about having had to do it. That's when the crying started and for the first time since getting pregnant I longed for my pre-pregnancy body and of course the minute I thought that I felt so GUILTY for even have thought it and the crying proceeded for the rest of the afternoon. D hugged me and told me was sorry he got so upset about the wardrobe and I told him I felt useless and he tried to convince me that I did help him. Unfortunately no amounts of hugs or kisses helped me get out of my funk.

I made myself a yummy pizza and tried my best to snap out of it and when D suggested we go for a drive just to get out of the house it felt like a brilliant idea! We went to Dubai for a tea and ended up finding a super cute growth measurement thing to put on the wall to keep track of Izzy's growth. By the time we came back I was so tired but no longer upset. The funk had left me.. thank God. During this whole process and even today Isabella has been kicking my belly continuously. I mean she normally kicks and moves but between yesterday and today the kicking and movements have increased so much, I fear I have upset my little Miss or perhaps she is trying to kick the bad funk out of me! Either way.. it helps! She is such a clever girl and I love her so so much.

In other news we went to a baby shop and asked to buy baby hangers to put hang Izzy's clothes and the lady gave us loads for free which was super sweet. So now all her outfits are hanged in her wardrobe. Whilst we were in the shop D saw a super cute pair of black and white pumps that he said he would get for Izzy and we also bought her a cute little summer dress and other necessities. Her room is so close to being ready... here is to happy thoughts!

another hospital bag post

2010-08-19T10:49:00.007+04:00

I know you must be screaming at the screen: "get your act together and pack that bag already!" Right?? Well given that I am not happy until I have considered all options and researched something until that subjects hides from me on Google she is so scared of me, I am still on this subject and I am still holding off packing that bag until I know I have a complete list.

I did what I do best and Googled away all day looking for inspiration and items that other moms and dads who have already been through this found they needed and they forgot or simply didn't know they needed until it they were already in hospital. I worry especially as we live a good 30 minutes with no traffic (45-1hour with heavy traffic) away from the hospital and I would hate the thought of D having to leave me to go grab something I forgot. Did I fail to mention I am starting to freak out a little about whether I will be able to give birth???? Planning and researching keeps me calm so please hang in there with me...

Anyway, this is what I found for dad- to be-and when I sent the links to D he was super excited to have all of this information and is now more eager than I am to pack the TODAY:

http://www.noodad.com/wp/instructions/predad/if_i_could_pack_my_hospital_bag_over_again This is a brilliant list for dads to be on what to pack and what to pack with a lot of humor thrown in there (this is the one that got D thinking he should pack!)

http://pregnancy.about.com/od/forfathersonly/a/dadlaborbag.htm This is more of a formal list but nonetheless it's useful in identifying what items must be going in the daddy to be bag for the hospital. I especially like this one for reminding dads to bring pain relief medication.. I can imagine D getting the mother of all headaches with all the screaming I will be doing!! Earplugs are not an option though!

http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/2313/pregnancy-packing-for-the-hospital This is a GREAT post from a father's prospective on imminent labour and the fear of being unprepared as far as packing goes. It also has a list of what fathers-to-be should pack! I personally will steal his idea of putting a bag with old towels and a trash bag in the back of my car in case my water breaks whilst I am driving!

These are the links I have found most useful for my bag and that of the baby:

http://www.squidoo.com/hospital-bag A great article on What (not) not to bring with you, to the point and very useful! In this article it says not to bring your pillow unless it's an old one you wouldn't mind getting ruined. I have a few of these so I'll make sure I'll leave my favourite one home!
http://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-tools/articles/checklist-packing-a-hospital-bag.aspx The Bump has a lot of useful info and their hospital list does not disappoint. You can even print it out and tick it as you go along.

http://www.mumsnet.com/pregnancy/hospital-bag I love this list because it divides up the items you need and don't need in a very easy way to follow, because most of the suggestions are by other moms and so it's first hand advice and finally because some of the suggestions on here are new to me. Things like wearing a dark colour nightgown to avoid stains showing easily, bringing a plastic bag to put all your dirty clothes in when you are ready to go home, towels you don't mind getting lost or dirty (this is a big one I didn't even think of!

I feel like I have all the info both D and I need to be prepared.. guess what we'll be doing this weekend!

If one plus one equals two...

2010-08-18T13:50:00.011+04:00

If this is D as a baby(how cute is he?????).. and

this is me at around the same age...

What would Izzy look like???

D and I's favourite question at the moment is exactly that. What will our baby girl look like? I hear stories of parents who knew what their baby would look like but I generally think they are full of crap! How could they know?? I mean the latest 3D pics of Isabella show a cute baby but it does not give us a clear indication of what she will look like when she is born; how could it? I mean she still has 7 plus week in which to change and grow. Even her appearance at birth will not stay the same after a week or a month.

When I see pictures of my nieces at birth and then see pictures of when they were 5 month the difference is huge, they don't even look like the same baby! My baby niece Lilli was a beautiful baby girl, she was born my emergency c-section and looked like the perfect baby. She had pale eyes and a few brown hair. Now at almost 4 years old she has brown/blond hair and green eyes. Her baby sister was not a pretty baby at birth. Her birth was a natural and painful (for her mom) birth and her she had the typical cone head you see in some newborns. Now at two she is such a pretty toddler. Her hair, that at birth was red, is now as blond as it gets and she has the most amazing blue eyes you have ever seen.

So we already know that Izzy could be born with pale colour eyes (like most babies) and then end up having brown eyes like me or green like her dad. She could have a head full of hair (D is not too keen on this one.. don't know why but I think it would freak him out) and then end up having light brown hair like me and D.. who knows. What we do know for sure is that no matter how she will look in our eyes she will be the most beautiful and perfect baby girl in the whole wide world. We will look at her and our hearts will melt, we will piss people off by showing them endless slide shows of her pictures. My purse and D's wallet will be covered in pictures of Isabella and no other baby will be able to compare... and that's the way it should be. I cannot wait to meet her.. come on October hurry up!!

what kind of parent will I be??

2010-08-17T12:48:00.005+04:00

Part of my meditation exercise these days is thinking of a parent I admire, the reasons why I admire him/her and then picture Isabella and I having a similar relationship. You know what cames to my mind.. be prepared to laugh.. the Father of the Bride. I basically want to be George Banks!

I know he does not exist but he has been my ideal parent figure since I was a little girl and whenever I think of a good parent he comes to my mind. The relationship he has with his daughter is that of a protective, loving, understanding father who goes overboard at times but who is nonetheless there for his daugther no matter what and that's how I want to be with Izzy. He is also not the typical super perfect dad you see on tv, he has his faults but in the end he comes through for his daugther and his family. I love this movie because it shows that we are all humans and never perfect but we can try our best to become better parents/wives/daugthers etc. What I hope for my relationship with Izzy is for her to feel free to come to me for advice and for me to be able to listen and provide her with the support she needs. I don't want her to hide things from me because she is afraid of what I will be thinking or what my reaction might be... ultimately I would love for us to have a good relationship just like the one George has with Annie.

Will I be as good listener? Will I be able to always be there for Izzy and offer her a shoulder for her to cry? Will I be the first one she calls when she needs advice? Will we argue but then hug and make up knowing that deep down we love one another? Will she be able to be herself with me? Will she feel protected and loved when she think of me? Will I go overboard and always worry if she is ok? That's a definite yes!

Only time will tell what kind of a mom I will be... in the meantime I daydream of Isabella and let her listen to this lovely song... hoping that she can feel the love I feel for her.

my lovely bump

2010-08-16T16:12:00.002+04:00

Have I told you how much I like my bump?? I still smile whenever I see my reflection in the mirror or random shop windows and in every picture you see me rubbing and holding my belly. I cannot help it!!! Every time I touch it I feel Izzy moving in there and giving me cute baby kicks letting me know that she is doing great. How can I not touch it?? I love it when D kisses it and now hides underneath it when I stand up! LOL We still have moments when we look at it and we think it's the most amazing thing we ever experienced and yet we know that when the belly is gone and Izzy will be here it'll be even more incredible!!

I think because I generally give this nasty "don't you dare f*&@* with me" vibe, many people don't just touch my bump but ask before they do. It has only happened once at the spa I go to, that I went in there and all the ladies surrounded me and started rubbing my belly. It only lasted a total of 30 seconds but I have to say I didn't mind it; it made me feel super special. I suppose if this happened every day it would piss me off but on that one off time it didn't really annoy me.

When I am out with friends they want to feel the baby kick or move so I tell them to be patient and just wait for Izzy to get moving. Their reactions are so funny especially the ones that never felt a baby move before. My friend M jumped and gave out a little scream when she felt Izzy move for the first time and ever since every time we meet she wants to feel my belly for movement! On one occasion we were out and Izzy had the hiccups and I told her where to feel her and she thought it was incredible, then again she did made this joke about whether we should try scare her to see if she would stop.. which makes me think that M will never get to babysit Izzy alone!LOL

Here is a picture of my bump last week; the incredible thing is how fast it seems to be growing now. I mean a couple of weeks back it was not as big as now and steadily it's expanding more and more... I wonder how much bigger it's going to get! My skin is holding on and so far I have no stretch marks on my bump but I wonder if this will change given the current growth spurt Izzy is going through.

Nursery progress

2010-08-15T13:45:00.006+04:00

The wardrobe and changing unit is in, the decals are up, the pictures have been put up and Isabella's clothes have all been organised in their place; Izzy's nursery is really coming along so well!! We spent most of Thursday afternoon placing the girl on the swing decal on the wall next to the wardrobe. It took a bit of effort and time but the result is stunning and we are so so happy with it. Then on Friday morning we applied the decal of Twinkle Twinkle on the opposite wall as well as other pictures that we bought along the way. The overall look is so cute and we cannot wait to add the cot once it arrives and the little toy chest D bought for Izzy. I loved putting her clothes away in the wardrobe and the sheets because it made it look so real.. she is really going to arrive soon!! Life is just incredible!

We had our last parenting class session which was all about feeding the baby and breastfeeding. The midwife gave us an handout that mentioned that people who had a variety of health issues could face difficulty in breastfeeding. Amongst these issues was Infertility treatments. I asked what that meant as I explained that our daughter is an IVF miracle. The midwife said that hopefully all will be fine but that if I have face problems in breastfeeding to speak to a lactation specialist whilst I am in the hospital. I got freaked out as I am really looking forward to breastfeeding but all we can do for now is wait and see what happens. We also had a tour of the hospital facilities, we were shown a standard delivery room so we know what to expect and then a standard recovery room. We were both happy with what we saw. Whilst we were in the delivery room the midwife told me that normally if you are considered high risk, which I am now, I will be monitored more closely than the other patients that as much as possible I should be able to deliver with the help of the midwife alone but that a doctor will be on standby anyway. D and I spoke about this and we don't mind the extra attention to make sure that both Izzy and I are well looked after.

Today I am officially in the 8th month of pregnancy and 32 weeks along! I have to say I am still feeling great and that my energy levels are still high. I do get tired and hot but for the most part I am doing great. My belly and my boobs are still growing loads and most of the tops I used to fit into a couple of weeks ago are now too short. I can still feel Izzy movements and kicks but they are not strong enough to wake me up at night or even if they do I just turn around. I say I "just turn around" but you should see how I turn these days.. poor D must think he is at sea!! Life is amazing and everyday closer to THE date is a miracle!

D's birthday

2010-08-11T11:56:00.005+04:00

Today it's D's birthday, he is officially 29! HAPPY BIRTHDAY D!!! The day started great for him...Izzy's kicks first thing, presents in bed, then my brownie cake for breakfast (his diet went out the window at least for breakfast!). We left for work together as it's the first day of Ramadan here in the UAE and for the rest of the month we do shorter hours, I now work 9-3 (yaaay!!) and D's hours are 9-4. Before leaving I warned him to be super careful on the road as we always see so many accidents during Ramadan and he said he will be careful but you cannot control idiots.

At 9.30am he called that he had a car crash but that he was ok. It seemed he was avoiding an accident and stupid people driving on the hard shoulder, he got distracted and crashed into the back of the car in front of him. He sent me pictures of Barracuda (that's the name of his car) and she looks in a bad state but I am glad she is so strong to have taken the impact of the crash and not my D. Considering the insurance does not cover agency repairs as the car is over 3 years old we might need to sell her in order to cut our losses. We shall see what we do in the coming days, for now I think D will need to recover from the shock of it all and at least try to enjoy the rest of his day if that is possible.

In the meantime I got a call from the baby shop we bought the wardrobe and changing unit from and they are coming to deliver and build Izzy's furniture between 1-2 this afternoon! I was in shock that they are coming so quickly I was not expecting this until next week so this is really a bonus and hopefully by the time D gets home Izzy's room will look like a nursery and it will help put a smile back on D's face!

Last night after work I went and treated myself to a mani pedi. I hadn't had one since getting pregnant because of the fear of doing something that could harm our baby but now that I cannot reach my toes as well as I used to two weeks back I decided to bite the bullet and go. I went to my usual spa and had the room all to myself so there were no strong smells. I decided to get a french on my fingers but just get a clean manicure for my toes like this I can remove the nail polish easier. My toes look so nice and clean, they were a real mess! The girl was so knowledgeable about which area to massage and which not to so that put me right at ease. I was in there for a long time but it was so worth it. I am thinking I will be going back next month when my mom gets here for another session.. it should be fun and my mom never gets pampered like this so that will be nice for her!!

The pram post

2010-08-10T09:36:00.005+04:00

So here she is!!! It all arrived in 3 different boxes, one for the pram, one for the car seat adapter and one for the carrycot which is called "the peanut"! I left work 10 minutes early just to beat some of the traffic in the city and made it to the TNT in no time. The people there got me to take my car inside the depot and then loaded everything in for me. They were so sweet they even told me to wait in the car whilst they got the paperwork I had to sign for Once I drove away I could not stop screaming and called D and he almost lost his hearing!! Then I called my mom and she was so excited for me but told me not to be silly and wait for D to take the boxes into our house. I promised and she relented. Then a friend of mine called me and she was so happy for me and told me if that meant she never had to hear about it again...apparently I have been going on about this pram long enough! I don't blame her!!

I got home at the same time as D and we were all so excited to open all the boxes but we were both starving so we ate at a supersonic speed and then we got working on the pram!!! D did most of the building whilst I looked on and gave out small screams each time something new happened. I tried to help with what I remembered seeing on the YouTube videos and by looking and reading the instructions manual but D did most of the hard work. In no time the pram/stroller was built and D and I both had a god at pushing it around the house!! It's so great as I can really see Izzy using this from when she is born all the way until she get bigger as it's so adaptable! I absolutely love it the colour which does not look too red like in the pictures I saw but it's bright and so much fun. The material is super soft and the insert for when she is still baby is super padded and extra soft. I am truly happy with it.

After the pram was ready and we tested folding it, which is so simple and the breaking and all the different positions we moved on to putting together the "peanut". This proved a bit more tricky then the pram but once D got his muscles working it came out so well. It's basically a carrycot you insert into the pram for when the baby is just born to approximately 6 months. It's super sturdy and solid so Izzy will have the support her back needs at the very early stages. It folds up really compact so once we no longer need it we can simply fold it away ready for baby number two (see how positive I am being!!!). Once it is secured onto the pram it's really safe and there is no way it can come lose so we feel confident Izzy will have a super comfy and safe ride.

Anita, the sales representative from Phil & Teds, added a UV protective cover for the carry cot and also a cute little backpack that I can add to the pram for free as a thank you for having waited so long. It was so kind of her and I have promised her a picture of Izzy in her new pram once she gets here.

This morning all I wanted to do was go to Izzy's room and check out the pram... it still seems impossible to me that we are the owner of a pram. I mean here we were thinking it might never happen and almost 8 months after we saw those two beautiful lines we own a pram and we are waiting for the last two months before Izzy is born. Life is truly incredible.... and we are so truly blessed.

Tonight I have some baking to do for D's birthday brownies. I have never made brownies so this should prove interesting. I am not baking them from scratch that would be way too much but nonetheless I am thinking it could still end up in disaster. Let's hope and see how it works.. pictures to come tomorrow.

A day of good news

2010-08-09T13:59:00.003+04:00

I cannot hide my excitement. I sit here with a big fat smile on my face waiting for 5.30pm to come so that I can drive to the city and pick up the pram. I just called TNT and apparently as it's still in transit they cannot deliver it until tomorrow but they said I can go pick it up myself after 5. So of course that' where I am going. D told me to wait but I seriously cannot wait another day.. I want to see the pram today and I don't mind the extra drive!! I feel like a child in a candy store.

I just got back from my 31 weeks check up with the leading doctor of the team I have been assigned to. He seems like a really nice man and he is a friend of my trusted Dr. Miracle so I know I am in good hands. We had a nice chat and told me that he is happy with how things are looking and that he does not seem concern about the incident last week but he wants me to go back should it happen again. He also discussed my birthing options, he said that normally at this hospital they don't encourage elective c-sections but given I have had IVF and I am part of the exception. He didn't go into the details of why this is the case but I have it as an option should I wish to consider it. I said I would like a normal delivery if possible and he seemed happy with that but mentioned that I can change my mind at any stage and also that if there are complications we will factor those in too. He also said that epidurals are given routinely even before the real bad pain sets in so that I don't have to suffer at all. I was happy to hear that and he made a note about this in my file. I don't think I will be brave enough to go without one if I can have it but I am willing to see how things go on the day. I like his overall approach to the birth plan in terms of not setting crazy standards but seeing how things progress. He checked the results of the u/s and all looks great and he is happy with how Izzy is growing. They checked my b/p, urine and weight and all is ok. They then checked Izzy's heartbeat and felt Izzy moving and checked her position. At that moment she was in an oblique position but I told him she moves around a lot. He ordered an u/s for the next appointment in 3 weeks to make sure all is good and to check on Izzy. I left feeling confident in this doctor's ability to get me and Isabella through birth and even if it will be a member of his team or one of the midwife I am still feeling GREAT about things. I am so glad I picked this hospital.

The visit was not all smooth sailing. I actually left work at 9.45 am and didn't make it back to the office until after 1.30pm. It was hell in the hospital today. I got lost on the way there because I took an alternative route and then spent hours just waiting to check in. I didn't see the doctor until 11.45, a whole hour after my appointment was due. I normally book early morning appointments but this week they had none available but I will never make that mistake again.. what a mess.

On to more happy news today D had his first weight check at the clinic where he registered and he lost....drum rolls please..... a total of 3 kg in two weeks in this new diet! He didn't expect much from it but he came out of the appointment and felt so good and confident in knowing that it's working! I am so proud of him and I know how hard it can be for him to stick to the diet at times but I have every faith in him to be able to reach his target weight.

Feel like Christmas Eve

2010-08-08T13:29:00.003+04:00

Wait for it... our pram is in the UAE and being delivered to us tomorrow morning!!! I am so excited I am jumping up and down... in my head!! I have been told it would be here in 8-10 working days so you can imagine my excitement when I checked TNT's website and found out that our pram is already in Dubai!! I am so so excited I don't know how I will be able to calm down and sleep tonight!! The lady from Phil & Teds I have been dealing with has added a few extra freebies to our parcel in appreciation of all of our patience and I cannot wait to see what these are!! In this country post is delivered to your office and as I am currently working on a site office, I get our office drive to take my mail every day from our head office. Given I have my 31 weeks appointment in the city tomorrow morning I am going to take a little detour afterwards just so that I can go to the head office and pick up the pram myself!!! I am so excited but I know I am not going to open it until D gets home as it's probably too heavy for me to take out of the car!! I so feel like Christmas Eve.. you know with all the excitement of knowing tomorrow will be a GREAT day!!! I will get D to take loads of pics and then will post them tomorrow!!!

On Friday day we went and ordered the wardrobe and changing unit for Isabella's nursery. They will be delivered in 10 days and they will assemble everything for us which is great so we can ensure everything is built safely. I cannot wait to have furniture in Izzy's room and be able to clean the wardrobes, put all of her clean and pressed clothes in the wardrobe, add the changing matt, nappies and all the essentials ready for Izzy's arrival. Her room will then start to look more like a proper nursery and less like a dumping ground!! Once the wardrobes are in I am getting our handyman to come install the fire alarms downstairs and upstairs and Izzy's lampshade we got from Ikea. Cannot wait to see how it will look!

In other non-baby related news we celebrated D's birthday this weekend by organizing a dinner with friends at one of D's favourite restaurants! His actual birthday is not until the 11th but because Ramadan is starting on his birthday this year and most people will want to spend it at home with their families we made it this weekend. It was great fun to catch up and seeing friends. A friend of mine organised "29" candles and this really cool sparkles that almost set the whole restaurant on fire!! For his actual birthday I got him a present for him to open (won't say what it is as he reads my posts from time to time!!) and I will bake him a brownie cake..!!! We shall see how that works out!!

Nosebleeds suck and happy birthday to my mom!

2010-08-05T14:11:00.003+04:00

We all know nosebleeds suck. I mean there is never a good time to get them and they are always so messy! I suffered from nosebleeds before getting pregnant then at the orders of my doctors I went to an NTE specialist who cauterised the capillaries in my nose and all was solved. Since getting pregnant the nosebleeds started again. The triggers always seem to be blowing my nose or sneezing. Today I had a meeting in the city at 9 and by the time it ended it was 11 am and it was hot hot hot in my car. We live in the desert so summers are just unbearable and most people (the ones who can) leave and go to cooler countries and today was no exception. Anyway I got into Ruby (that's my car!) and blasted the ac and opened all the windows too. I pulled away and drove a total of 3 minutes before I started feeling a trickle down my left nostril, I put my hand to my nose, looked and surely enough there was blood and then more and more. Of course I had no tissues in my car so, and this is where it gets gross, I wiped my bloody hand on my black top and then held my nostrils together to try stop the bleeding. Good thing I had not driven too far from the office I just left, so I turned around, parked the car and went back in the office. Everyone looked at me as if I was dying on something but thank God no one made a fuss. I locked myself in the bathroom and almost didn't recognised myself, my mouth, chin and neck were all covered in blood. What a spectacle!!! I asked for ice and after 15 minutes of preassure and ice it stopped and I was able to get back in my car and drive away. Of course this means I am now sitting at work with a top that as much as it does not show it is covered in blood.. yuck yuck yuck!!!

On a happier note today is my mom's birthday!!! I so wish I could be with her to celebrate it and make her feel as special as she is but super fast travel has not been invented yet so I have to settle and wish her a happy birthday over the phone. I miss my mom and cannot wait till she comes in September!!! She took my dad shopping for Izzy and they got her some super cute little outfits that are just so adorable! She knows me well (I took after her on this!!) so she is washing and ironing all of the clothes she bought so that once she comes I won't have to do it myself! She gave me a proper talking to last night because she is worried my contractions are caused by me overdoing things instead of taking it easy. She made me promise her I would calm down and take life at a different pace. She understands it's hard but she told me to think of Izzy and in that she is right. We are very similar in that we both cannot stay still we need to be moving and keep busy but we also are not very good at realising when it's too much. I normally send her flowers but she insisted I didn't as the florist I use has been sending her shitty flowers so she told me not to waste my money on that. So this year I sent her a lovely card that opens up like flowers and as combined Mom and Dad's birthday present we got them the tickets to come stay with us! :)) Now all we need is for Miss Isabella to hold on until the end of September... we shall see how that goes!

First unplanned hospital visit

2010-08-04T09:15:00.005+04:00

Yesterday as I was leaving work to go check out prams I felt this super sharp shooting pain down below. It literally stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away. It lasted maybe 5 seconds and then even if I felt sore I managed to slowly walking to my car and drive myself home. Once I got there I lay on the couch of a good half hour before it the same pain came back but much milder. I called D and he told me to call the hospital and ask them what I should do. So I called them and they told me to come to the hospital for a check up. Of course we live outside the city and around 30 minutes away from the hospital by car. As D's office is in the city there was no way to wait for him and then go so I drove myself there (of course I was told off many times by the nurse once I got there but what could I have done!?). Through all of this I kept really calm. I always imagined myself having one of these moments and being alone and losing it. Instead I was doing my breathing exercises and talking myself calm, I was so calm that I told D to go ahead and go to the gym and that I would see him after! Of course he didn't listened and met me at the hospital instead, he said something amongst the lines that one of us had to act like the responsible one! HEHE! I really was on another planet.. planet calm!

Anyway, on the way there the pain cam back again. I made sure to look at the time and at this stage I had had 3 "pains" in less than one hour. Luckily there was no traffic on the way there and I got there at the same time as D. Once all the formalities were sorted out I had to give the usual urine sample and then they took my blood preassure which was fine and pulse too. All was good. I then got to see a doctor who explained that in order to rule out full blown contractions she would do an abdominal exam, followed by a scan, a mid-stream urine test and then I would be hooked up to a CTG to check the baby's heart and if I was having contractions. Only if there was any signs of contractions they would do an internal exam to see how things were looking. During the pelvic exam all looked good and she thought that Izzy was head down but was not sure, then we heard her heart and all looked good and she did not seems in any sort of stress.

Once all looked ok with me and the baby we were sent for the u/s. The technician was in a good mood and spent ages on her. She looked at her heart as I mentioned we had a scare and all looked great and she was not skipping beats this time. She is measuring a whole 2 weeks and 4 days ahead of schedule which brings her due date to the 30th of September! When the technician said she is 32 weeks and 6 days I said that she is 30 weeks and 2 days but according to the measurements she is not! She seems really eager to grown fast!! She was not head down but in the transverse position with her legs over her head and to our surprise she was sucking her own knee whilst holding on to her toes! Most babies suck their thumb, not our daugther she was sucking onto her own knee! It was so cute to see her making those movements and seeing her opening and closing her mouth. Incredible. Once all the important measurements were taken and all looked great the technician spent ages trying to get us some nice 3D pics of her but given the fact that she was squishing her face with her own legs it was difficult. We got a few very cool ones and we left to go for the CTG knowing that she is healthy, strong and all is well with her heart. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I sent D to get his dinner as there was no point two of us waiting for the CTG. I did my mid-stream urine test which proved difficult and I fear I messed up because I didn't pee enough before taking the sample.. we shall see! As I was waiting to be hooked up to the CTG machine I was in the same waiting room as two ladies who were either in labour or in a lot of pain. Another lady and I were looking at each other with knowing looks as if to say "we are so going to be next!!" After about half hour I was escorted to this area for my CTG and after 20 minutes on it with Izzy's heart going strong and no contractions on my side I saw the doctor for the last time. She said that it could have been contractions and that if they happen again with a repetitive rhythm I need to go back but if they happen here and without a pattern I can stay at home. I am due back to the doctors on Monday for my normal check up so I will ask more questions and discuss my new due date and see what they make of these contractions/BH.

Considering it was the first scare of this pregnancy I realised that as much I will be ok, one person I need to look after and make sure does not pass out is D. He is normally so calm and collected but last night he really was not. It was as if we had done a role reversal and I became Mrs Cool and he became Mr Worry. I tried my best to reassure him that all was ok and by the end I know he knew all was ok with us but I have a feeling that when THE day comes I will need to make sure he is constantly reassured that all is ok. I can imagine why is feeling like that, at the end of the day this is all happening to me and all he can do is be there for me but not help me feel better and I know this can be so difficult. I keep telling him how much him being there helps calm me down and reassure me.. I hope this is enough.

Change of plans...

2010-08-03T15:28:00.004+04:00

If there is one thing I cannot stand is delays. I am one of those people that show up early all the time, even if I purposely delay myself in order not to show up early I end up being early anyway. I am the first to show up for anything and feel so stressed out when I know I am running late. D is the opposite, he is laid back and relaxed and as much as he says he is on time, he is one of those people who is late unless there is something urgent or he has to be somewhere for a specific deadline then he is be on time! We balance each other out and between my eagerness to be on time and his laid back attitude we manage to be just on time!

Well today my impatience on waiting for my pram reached its peak and I cancelled it! We ordered it on the 4th of May and we are now the 3rd of August, in that time I could have gone to New Zealand and brought it back myself but instead here I am waiting for it. Every time they said they were going to receive it they have not and I have now reached a stage where my due date is fast approaching and I don't want to risk not having a pram when Izzy is born. So this morning something told me that enough was enough, I sent an email to Phil & Teds and told them to give me our money back and that I am not willing to wait another day. They have all been nice and friendly but unless I chase them I would never know when to expect it and even then the dates they give me are always followed by another delay. Even if they tell me they will receive it tomorrow who is to say it will make the trip from New Zealand to here in less than 9 weeks. I really cannot tell and I don't trust them in the promises they will make. All I want is to be done with this now.

After I cancelled it I felt a new sense of relief in knowing that I can just go to any store and buy a pram and take it home with me. I told D and all he said was that he hopes I don't regret changing my mind, I told him that he should know me better than that...once I make up my mind I never change it back and regret having made that decision, I am very black and white when it comes to that. So this evening after work, whilst D is going to the gym, I will go check out some new prams and see which one takes my fancy. Then this weekend we are off to Dubai to see them in a bigger store and take home the one we want! I cannot wait to try different ones and be able to say "let's buy this one" and just take it home!

I also found out that the wardrobe and changing unit we like are available in Dubai so this weekend we can buy them and have them delivered within 10 days! It's pure bliss!! I cannot wait to place the order and receive them at our door step. I have kept all of Izzy's clothes, cot sheets and blankets in my wardrobe but it's going to be so great to have them all ready in her room! Her room will then look like less of a dumping ground and more like a nursery!!

In other news I don't know if I mentioned that last weekend D and I went to the Formula One track here in Abu Dhabi because I got D a driving experience as an early birthday present! He got to drive a La Mans style car on the F1 track and loved it!!! The whole experience was so well done organised and even if Iwas nervous about the idea of D driving such a fast car, knowing he was going to be in the same car as his instructor made me feel more secure. I took loads of pictures and a recorded his driving too. D was buzzing after it and said he will try again!! This weekend I have organised a dinner with friends in his favourite restaurant! Should be a lot of fun!!

Third Trimester...

2010-08-02T08:53:00.004+04:00

If you are still going through treatments or you are still on the road to where you want to be, you might want to skip this post, I know it's not easy to read about pregnant women complaining about something they have wanted for so long.

I feel bad saying this because IF girls "should not be complaining" about pregnancy, right? Well I will go ahead and say it anyway: the third trimester is so hard! I read blogs where women have endured all sort of problems with their pregnancies from the start so I feel double bad in admitting to this but I need to let it out and I feel this is the right forum for it. It's not all bad of course but the combination of fear that something might still be wrong with her heart, severe heartburn, sleepless nights, Braxton Hicks (if that's what they are), bad back, dizzy spells and the fear that nothing will be ready for when Izzy is born is making me feel so on the edge these days.

Of course not everyday is the same and most days I only get a couple of those issues so it's manageable but yesterday it was as if all was coming at once and I felt so overwhelmed by it. Whatever I ate yesterday I could not digest so that was a negative, then I felt so sleepy and the fact that work is so slow does not help, all I wanted to do was put my head on my desk and snooze off! I then went food shopping and on the way out of the supermarket I started having Braxton Hicks that would only last a second or 5 but these were repetitive so I freaked out. They went away once I sat in the car. Now what are Braxton Hicks supposed to feel like anyway?? I mean I am assuming what I am experiencing are Braxton Hicks as I have never had anything like it before but are they really it? To me they feel like something is pulling me up there at the top of my vagina (base of my uterus), it's not painful but it takes my breath away as I don't expect it and then after it's repeated a few times it goes. I intend to ask my doctor when I go see them on the 9th and see what they think. The heartburn is so bad when it's there that on a couple of occasions when it happened I think I am going to puke. I try to eat little and often but if some days it helps during others it does little. I am not about to take anything for it unless I actually start throughing up, I worked so hard to have a medicine free pregnancy that I am not about to let this all go out of the window over heartburn! The dizzy spells are something new. I have never had dizzy spells before but when they come I feel like any moment I could pass out. They normally happen at the end of the working day when I am tired and I push myself to do that little but extra so I have learnt my lesson and from now on instead of doing 200 things after work I will do 20 instead... we shall see if it helps.

I am going to stop complaining now and focus on the good. The good of course is that Izzy is a super active baby who reminds me everyday of what an amazing miracle she really is! Whether last week her movements were really subtle and delicate this week they are strong and constant. I get kicked in all sort of places which gives me an indication that Izzy is still very much just moving around and has not picked her favourite position yet. I am sure our clever little girl will put herself where she is supposed to be when the time comes. I am curious to where she will be during the ultrasound because if one minute I feel her head down the next she is diagonal and the next transverse... 7 more days to go! I am also confident that once we do the ultrasound and we see that all is ok with her heart I will be calming down and hopefully some of my fears will subside. At the moment I cannot share this fears with D because he dismiss them as being irrational but I cannot help it and to my defence I have tried my best not to focus too much of my attention on it but the part of my brain that is "mummy brain" cannot help but wonder if everything is now as it should be. Only time will tell.

Never waste a moment...

2010-07-29T14:13:00.003+04:00

Last night D and I watched Away We Go for the second time. The first time we watched it I was not pregnant and I still loved the movie as it covered so many different angles of everyday life and families that you cannot help but fall in love with it. In the movie Verona, the main female character, lost both her parents whilst she was still at university and you can feel how upsetting it must be to going through something as amazing as pregnancy and then the birth of your child and not be able to share this with your parents.

At the end of the movie D was emotional and I could sense it. He lost his mom 3 years ago in November. She passed away whilst on holiday and with no prior warning that something was seriously wrong with her; she was 54 years old. D was really close to her and the shock of losing her from one day to the next hits him to this day. I know he misses their chats and the fact he could talk and be himself to her. As the time of Izzy's birth nears I feel he misses sharing stories with her and talking about what we are buying and what we still need to get, you know the kind of silly talk that does not mean much but it's good for the heart! He doesn't need to tell me how much she would have gone crazy over little Izzy, she kept on asking D when she was going to become a grandma even though at the time we were not even married yet. She would have spoilt Isabella rotten and would have been there for D's many phone calls asking about this and that. To say it's unfair that she has been robbed of this moment is an understatement. My heart aches for D and as much as I empathise I can't really understand what he is feeling. All I feel is helplessness in not being able to help D more and ultimately not being able for him to experience this moment without at the same time aching for her to be here. When you love some like that the hardest thing is watch them live this pain and not being able to take some of it away and make it better.

My brother has lived through similar feelings of helplessness with L, his fiance (they have been together 15 years but never got married until their two girls came along and they decided to get married in the summer of 2011!). L was 17 when both her mom and grandfather were killed in a car crash. It was a full frontal car crash and they were sitting in the back seat, L's aunt and uncle were in the front seats and survived the impact. I remember my whole family grieving for L's loss, she had such a tough start in life and to be robbed of the two most important people in her life was heartbreaking. When L got pregnant with their first daughter I remember my brother telling me how difficult it had been for L to go through something as amazing as this and not be able to share it with her mom. They also named partly after her mom and it's by pure coincidence that both L's mom and D's mom shared Anna/Anne as their names.

Life is incredibly unfair at times and then again it can all turn around and be amazingly happy, there is no way of knowing when one will end and the other begin and I am sure that no one would want to know either. What D and L's tragic experiences have taught me is never to take any moment for granted, never wait till tomorrow to call your loved ones, never wait a moment to tell the love of your life that he is the most amazing man, never waste a kiss, don't waste time being sad for what you might not know for sure, to be happy and thankful for what you have right now because you don't know what tomorrow holds.

Hospital bag.. what to pack??

2010-07-28T13:37:00.010+04:00

I love making lists and updating them as I go along and my one ongoing list has been the "what to pack for the hospital?" Everyone, except my mom, has been laughing at me for making my list and wanting to start preparing everything for every eventuality this early. I expected the same from my mom but when I told her she said that she started putting things away in a drawer early enough and when the time came all she did was empty the drawer into the bag. I am planning on doing the same!

Much googling later I have come up with the current list...here it goes:

Things for me:

old night gown/t-shirt for during birth and after birth;

robe for walking around the corridors;

slippers (I think I will stick to my trusted Birkenstock -the only shoes I can fit into);

pillow (not sure if I should take my beloved body pillow or just an ordinary pillow with coloured cover);
socks;
nursing bras;
knickers;
panty liners;
breastfeeding pads (which ones to get??);
toiletries;
birthing ball;
ipod (not sure I will use it for music but I can listen to my meditation or at least try!);
one outfit for when I leave the hospital;
phone charger;
snacks and drinks.

Things for the birthing partner (aka D):

comfy shoes and flip flops;

change of clothes;
toiletries;

camera and charger;
phone charger;

a watch with a second hand (might need to get one as D does not wear one!);

snacks.

Things for Little Miss Peanut:

Nappies;

outfits for two days;

onesie for two days;

one pram cellular blanket and a swaddle blanket;
hat;
mittens;

nail file (in case she is born with long nails);

nappy cream (still researching that one!);

comb;

Car seat and base (the hospital we will deliver at has a system in place whereby every child who delivers there gets a free car seat!)

What am I missing??? If you have any suggestions please let me know!!

The Great Big Wash

2010-07-27T12:45:00.000+04:00

On Sunday for the 100th time I took out all the things I bought for Izzy. I just love looking through her clothes, bath towels, socks, bibs and just hold them in front of my belly. It makes it all so real for me and I do feel like this is actually happening and that we are going to have a baby in October who will wear all of these beautiful outfits. D looks on from his armchair and plays along with my “game” by looking at some of the outfits I point out to him and saying how incredible it is that Izzy will fit into them.

Anyway, as I was saying on Sunday I separated whites, pales, brights, sheets/blankets and bath towels. I put them all in 4 separate bags ready for my big washing spree. Of course a process that could have taken me 10 minutes lasted about an hour as I stopped and was almost in tears whilst looking at all the different outfits we bought so far (D looked on thinking I have gone and lost my mind completely). Now you would think that washing clothes is not something that requires a lot of thought, you just put the clothes in, add the detergent, select your program turn the machine on and voila, your clothes are washing. Well it can be that simple but it’s not when it come to baby clothes. I started researching this a while back and after reading both American and British ways of doing things I decided I would sit somewhere in the middle and do things my way. I decided to use Ultra Purex Baby as the main detergent and then add ¼ of the normal tiny cup of Downy Free & Sensitive as the fabric softener. As all the clothes /sheets are brand new I wash them all on 30/40 degrees and after adding the softener I let the machine stop then run the washing cycle again just to make sure all the extra soap is gone out of the clothes. I suffer from allergies and always had sensitive skin so I fear Izzy might have the same reaction to harsher detergents. I read a lot about the use of fabric softener but the controversy is mainly about using it on those clothes that are flame retardant and most of the clothes I buy are not treated for this purpose, the only item I saw as being fire proof is her moses basket and its mattress and I don’t intend to wash that. I did however wash the lining of the basket as it smelled of wicker but I didn’t use fabric softener on this just to be sure even if there was no mention of this on the item.

So far I washed all the sheets, blankets and bath towels and last night I started ironing them. I did a lot of them and still have another wash load to do tonight. I have figured out a way whereby I can sit on the sofa and iron at the same time which does not hurt my feet and my back either. It was a bit of challenge ironing the moses basket’s fitted sheet… it was so tiny but I managed. I wonder if I will keep this up after she is born…I guess we shall wait and see. I normally don’t iron our sheets I just put them on and that’s it, they are going to get messy anyway so what’s the point but for Izzy it’s better that they are flat and pressed.

It’s a good thing I love washing and ironing and making everything neat and tidy or this would be such a chore.. I actually love putting in the items and then putting them on the line and when they are ready ironing them, it’s a really calming and peaceful process for me. D on the other hand hates washing and even dislikes touching wet clothes just out of the washing machine. He used to help me putting the clothes up to dry but after being told that he was not doing it the “right” way too many times he now just watches… I only have myself to blame for that one…LOL!

In other news, Izzy is moving like crazy these days. I started counting kicks and I think I am going to stop. There is no point as she moves so fast so quickly that she does 10 kicks in less than a minute now! My whole belly shakes and moves as well which is pretty amazing to watch and I can feel what I am guessing is her spine and her tushy against my belly. She moves equally as much during the day and the night, the main moves come mainly after food or if I drink cold water or orange juice. When I told D how much she is moving his reply was : “we are never going to sleep again!” We shall see…

Thyroid vs D the battle continues...

2010-07-26T11:36:00.004+04:00

If you'd asked me what the thyroid was 6 years ago I would have looked at you blankly. Now I know more than I ever wanted to know. When we were still living in London, the summer before moving out here, D started losing a lot of weight. We thought it was a diet he was doing or just his metabolism speeding up. With time we felt something was wrong when he started to develop other symptoms; he could not stand the heat that we used to sleep with 2 fans on us and he was still hot, his hands started to shake so much that he could not even sign his own name at, the muscles in his legs were so weak that he had a hard time walking or going up stairs, his eyes became bigger and towards the end he would just stare at nothing for hours and not even reliase he was doing it, he was also super excitable and super hyper and he could not control it, his heart rate was so fast and his blood preassure through the roof. We went to doctors in the UK and in Belgium and no one could tell us what was going on. One stupid doctor even told us that he might have some sort of cancer and to come back in 3 months for more tests!?!?!? Idiot.

Then at the end of August after we packed our house and as we were on our way to the UAE we planned two stops, the first in Italy to see my family and the second in Greece to visit D's. When my parents saw Dimitri they realised he was not well. They took me aside and told me they thought he had a severe thyroid condition. I looked at them blankly and they told me that my aunt had the same thing and that he needed immediate medical attention. When we got to Greece his aunt who also had it, organised for him to go get his blood tests done so that he could receive treatment once we got to Abu Dhabi.

The results showed a severe case of hyperthyroidism that if left untreated could have caused heart failure. We were shocked and relieved that finally we had a name for what was going on. We saw many doctors for his condition and D has been struggling with his thyroid since. Through my boss we were able to start seeing this amazing endocrinologist who from the first visit made us feel like we finally were in good hands. D's hyperthyroidism was so out of control that even the medication were not helping and almost 3 years ago he took a dose of radioactive iodine in the hope that it would help control the thyroid function without needing to do surgery and have his thyroid remove.

We felt it was the right approach and it has worked until now. His thyroid seemed to be doing ok and after many ups and downs the doctor was confident enough to tell him that if his latest lab tests came back looking good he would be considered as any other person. We just got the results and his thyroid has finally realised what happened and is now fighting to keep on responding but the doctor believes it is showing the signs of hypothyroidism. We knew going into the radioactive treatment that this could have been one of the outcomes but we were hoping it wouldn’t come to that. I keep telling D that millions of people live with hypo and that once you find the right combination of drugs you can live a normal life. I believe in his doctor and I have faith that waiting to see how things develop in the next couple of months before starting medication is the best course of action. I can also understand his frustration in that he would rather not have to take a pill for the rest of his life starting so young. I tell him to keep thinking positive and that with his new diet and his exercise routine he will be in a better shape come the next check up. If there is one thing I have learnt in the last 2 years is not to underestimate the power of your body.

In the meantime I am researching “living with hypothyroidism” so I know what to expect and can be of help and support to D. I am sure that as long as we are in this together there is nothing we cannot conquer.

Shop till you drop

2010-07-25T15:07:00.005+04:00

That's what we did this weekend. We went on Friday but after lunch Isabella started moving around so much that I could hardly walk. It was painful and I even started to get pain that felt like period pain which I know is not a good sign. I wonder if I was feeling Braxton Hicks contractions?? No clue! We decided to go home instead and chill out for the afternoon. In the evening we went to the cinema to watch Inception which we really enjoyed! We saw it on an IMAX screen so it looked even more awesome!

Yesterday we tried again and it was definitely a better day. D left me in a shop for an hour and by the time he was done getting his hair cut I was still in there. I got Izzy lots of cellular blankets and fitted sheets to fit her cot. We have also bought the moses basket we will keep her in until she is big enough for her cot/bed. It's not the exact one we looked at first but it's cute and it's safe so that's all that matters. I also got some super cute little baby socks as they were on sale (D did not share in my enthusiasm when I showed them to him!) I used all the vouchers I got for my birthday on these expenses and loved the feeling that all these gifts came from friends. As I am not going to have a baby shower D mentioned that my birthday celebration was also a baby shower all in one so that's why I got so many vouchers and a few items for Izzy including her first pair of trainers!

The major items that remain on the list are the furniture items for her room. We went to Ikea but didn't like any of their options, we went to upmarket baby shops and either they were not selling what we were looking for or they ran out of stock or they were asking for crazy prices we are just not willing to pay. What's wrong with having shops that stock up on popular items?? I don't want to risk ordering anything as we only have 11 weeks left and after what happened with the "pram" (yes I am still waiting to receive it!!!I know it's been since March!!!Every time D asks when it's going to get here I want to sink into the ground I am standing on!!!) I don't want to risk ordering anything. I feel like I am asking for a piece of the moon here where all I am asking is to go to a shop chose the furniture I like, buy it and take it home! How can this be so bloody difficult???

As you can tell I am getting frustrated over this and D told me he has about enough of going to the same shops checking out the same stuff every weekend and he has a valid point. So next week we are going to another shopping center to check out a new brand... wish us luck!

In other news D has started a diet regime as he is determined to get fit and healthy before Izzy gets here. He has changed so much in the last 7 months since we got pregnant. He quit smoking from one day to the next and he is doing so well with that and now he is focusing on losing some extra weight and getting fit. This means that from now on I will be cooking dinner for myself only which will be strange at first but I know it's all for a good reason! He gets to have Fridays off so I know we will enjoy that meal together! I hope that it works for him as it did for the friend that recommended this center. We shall wait and see. I am just super proud of him!

80 beautiful days to go till we meet our Girl

2010-07-22T09:01:00.005+04:00

Today my tickers said 80 days to go and as we move forward towards the BIG day, here is an update of where I am at.

Weight gained so far: 15kg (33 pounds) I know, I know.. some women gain that at full term. For me this is not happening. I still look good and everyone tells me how the extra weight suits me. One of my girlfriend told me not to lose it after.. I don't know about that! I will let my body take charge and see where we get to. The way I figure it is that I have a lifetime for losing weight but I might only be pregnant once!

Stretch marks: still none although in terms of cellulite on my thighs.. oh God.. it's bad!! Still didn't stop me from wearing my pregnancy tanking during our weekend away!

Biggest change: Isabella's movement. I believe she is facing inside my belly and therefore I don't get the usual kicks. I still feel her move and I can see her with my own eyes when she moves from one side to the next but the kicks have changed in terms of strenght. It's as if she has become more coordinated. Although I have a feeling she will be like me, in that she never can stay still for too long!LOL

Major purchase for Isabella: so many but the biggest is the cot/junior bed. We are still waiting to get it delivered but we know it's ours and it's on its way. We also got a soft and colourful rug for her room. Given we painted her room baby blue we went for a pink rug with flowers on it. We love it!

Sleeping: since the start of the second trimester I have started going to the toilet again at night. That stopped almost to the day I went into my second trimester and now it's back. So far I only get up once around 4/5am but I am sure this might change. I am also tossing and turning a lot but overall I still average 9 hours per night which is incredible.

Cravings: starting to think this craving thing is all one big lie. I have not gotten any and at this rate I might never get one. D was ready for me to say I wanted ice cream on steak or that I started craving pickles (which I hate!) but I have to disappoint him on that one.

How is D doing: great and still attentive and loving to the "bump" and his daughter inside of it. He still has moments when he looks at me and I can see his eyes resting on the bump and a look of amazement coming over him. He loves the fact we are having a daughter and as time nears he cannot wait to meet her.

What am I looking forward to: our ultrasound on the 9th of August. I cannot wait to see that all is good with her heart once that is established I am looking forward to getting a new 4D picture of her little face. I bet she has changed loads from the last one we did at 20 week. For this one she will be 31 weeks so the change will be incredible! For now I pray all is ok.

What I miss: I would have said wearing my normal shoes but when I had my birthday dinner I wore a sexy pregnancy dress (yes they exist!) and I didn't want to were my Birkenstock with it I wanted to wear something classy and cute. I tried all my shoes on and none would fit my poor feet. D (I swear he is so clever!!) suggested I try some of my open sandals as I might have more room and it worked. I wore the shoes I wore at our wedding, golden strappy sandals from Sergio Rossi (was my mom's present to me for the big day!) I kept them on all night and even if my feet were swollen at the end of the night, I managed it!

Best moments:I discovered recently that Isabella loves being massaged. So yesterday I was at my desk and I rubbed my belly because sh had her tushy or back against it. I stopped and went on working when I felt a distinct kick or elbow on the opposite side of where I was massaging. So I massaged her a bit more and she was still, then I stopped and she kicked again several times. She wanted more. We played this game for a while until she was satisfied with the amount of attention she got from me. She is also a music lover and if she likes the music I am playing she will wiggle and move if not, i don't hear from her at all. Well yesterday I tried something whereby I out one earphone on me and one on the belly.. she loves Daughter, Loudon Wainwright III , our girl has good taste!

I will never forget..

2010-07-21T14:13:00.003+04:00

Last night I had a dream that IVF didn’t work for us and that we had decided not to try anymore. For some reason I had to watch women delivering knowing I would never experience this for myself. I woke up in a sweat and the first thing I did was touch my belly to make sure it was still there. This is something I do anyway but last night I felt a need to do so. When I felt the roundness of it and remembered that I am 28 weeks pregnant the fear left me but I started thinking of all the couples out there still struggling to get pregnant. I remember those feelings of "what if it never happens for us", the endless sleepless nights, all the crying whenever I saw a pregnant woman on the street, all the dreams of being where I am right now, the painful tests, the many bad news and all the injections. Now that my dream has come true there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God and the universe for this amazing gift. I feel so bless to be experiencing pregnancy and "please God let it be this way" childbirth and motherhood. I know how lucky I am to be pregnant and in this amazing experience there can't be enough highs.

Infertility has deprived me of many things but it has also thought me a lot and it had brought me to this wonderful community where women carry and support one another and for that I will be forever thankful. I cannot know what each and every woman/couple is going through because each experience, as similar as it might be, is different but I do hold you in my prayers and I do wish that you will get to where you want to be. I first heard this poem in the movie "In her shoes" and I want to dedicate it to all the ladies out there who are struggling to get to where they were MEANT to be....

I carry your heart with me E.E.Cummings

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Life at 30 and in the 3rd trimester

2010-07-20T09:26:00.016+04:00

I have to say that surprises rock!!! D organised the best weekend of my life!!!!! I have never had this much fun in one weekend and he has really ensured that I would always remember this birthday.

The celebrations started on Thursday night when D organised a surprise dinner with all my favourite people. I had no idea where we were going but I knew it would have been dinner with friends. He booked a private room in Frankie's, a new Italian restaurant in Abu Dhabi that I have been wanting to go check out for a while now. The atmosphere when we walked in was incredible and the private room was just so intimate. Slowly slowly all our friends arrived and the party got started. I found out that 3 of my friends changed their flight schedules to be there which was just incredible! I felt so loved I could not stop smiling all evening. I got so many presents, most of them being vouchers as that's what I had told D I wanted. The champagne was flowing (for those drinking it) and the food was incredible! Everyone enjoyed it so much as they had such a big variety to chose from. After we were done with the food, the lights were dimmed and out came the waiters with the cake... oh my GOD the cake!!! Words cannot describe what I felt when I saw the cake. I had told D that all I really wanted was a BIG cake and boy did he listen! The cake was enormous and covered in a lovely pink icing with an intricate purple design on top, there were actually two separate cakes one for the "3" and one for the "0". The filling was a very delicate blueberry cream and the rest was a super soft sponge cake... it was so so delicious that most people asked for two slices! Here is a picture of it...

I later learnt of the extent to which D went to get it made as he wanted and delivered to his office and then the restaurant. I swear I am such a lucky lady!!!

The next day we woke up late and then we set off for our surprise weekend adventure!!! D told me we were going to be gone till Sunday but I had no idea where to. The drive took 2 hours and throughout I kept on guessing where we were headed and I still had no figured it out when we got to our end destination. The resort we were staying at is one that has been on my list of places to see for a while. It's in the northern emirates and right on the coast which makes for some amazing views. When we checked in the asked if we were staying in a room or a water villa and D looked at me and said.. "water villa"! I was shocked.. yes.. again!!! Our villa was right by the beach and on the water. We had 2 pools nearby and of course the sea to explore. The resort was built like an Italian/Greek village so you felt like you really were in an authentic village. It was so well done. Our villa was on two floors with a large living/dining room and kitchen on the bottom floor and the bedroom/bathroom upstairs. We also had a large terrace and a balcony by the bedroom to watch the sunset. It was an amazing place and one I will never forget.

Once we got comfy we exchanged presents and D took out a little blue Tiffany's bag and my jaw dropped. I told him not to get me presents that all the rest counted as presents but of course he didn't listen. I got out my present and card and he was surprised, finally I could get him back! I slowly opened the box and fund the cutest necklace and heart shaped pendant with 5 diamonds. It is so simple and so me that despite being crossed that he got me this too, I could not help but loving it! I put it on and have not taken it off since!! D loved his new camera and has been snapping pictures since. He has tested it at night, against the sun and in low light and he LOVEs it. I am so pleased he loves it and he said he cannot wait to take pics of Isabella with it!

We spent most of the weekend relaxing and chilling out by the pool or the beach. We did some exploring by car and despite the fact that we didn't find much to see it was still a lot of fun! For my birthday dinner D had organised a little cake to be brought to the table with two candles on it... it was a yummy cake and the last of the many surprises I got this weekend.

I cannot express how spoilt and loved I felt this weekend.. to know that D went to such extent to make my birthday so special brings tears to eyes and I will ALWAYS remember turning 30 with a big smile on my face!

The day after I turned 30 I officially entered into the 3rd trimester!! I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy is going! I wen to my 28 weeks check up yesterday and as my midwife was off sick I got to see one of the doctors in my team. She reviewed my chart and after seeing that Isabella is an IVF baby she upgraded us to high risk. D was not happy with this decision as he feels they put a stigma on IVF as being high risk when it should be just like any other pregnancies. I agree but the "worry-maniac" part of me feels that we will be better monitored and more closely followed in this way. Not that the midwife was not doing this to begin with but I did notice that she never asked to see my file from my doctor or ask me why we did IVF to begin with. I now ordered a copy of my file at the RE's office and will pick it up on Saturday. Anyway, I also mentioned what happened at my RE's clinic in terms of Izzy's heart and she ordered an ultrasound for the next appointment. I will now see the doctor every 3 weeks and then every 2 and eventually every week. I cannot wait for the 9th to see how Izzy is doing and to make sure her little heart is beating as it should do now. I also wonder if we will be able to get more 3D pics of her, last time they did it so quick that we could not see her on the screen but the pictures came out so well. We shall wait and see. I might have to go for this one on my own as the appointment is at 10 am but D said he will try make it at least for the ultrasound part. I am back on the iron tablet and now on calcium supplements also which is a lot of pills for me to remember to take... maybe they need to start giving me pills to remember to take my pills!! HEHE!

Almost two years ago....

2010-07-15T11:32:00.005+04:00

On July 16th 2008 we said "I do". It feels like yesterday we were making the final arrangements for our "special" day. We had waited almost 8 years for this day and when we planned it and we made the arrangements it was not supposed to be on this day but at the end of September and in Venice, not Abu Dhabi's Italian Embassy. Life got in the way of our plans. Within a 4 months period, D lost his mom very suddenly and my dad suffered a severe stroke. He was in hospital and no one knew if it he would make it. Plans were unmade, my dress was cancelled, our wedding planner was let go and we made other plans. I suppose in a way... "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" John Lennon. This quote is so true and so applicable to our lives.

Regardless of the fact that our wedding day was not what we had envisioned and planned it will stay in my memory as one of the best days of my life. Saying that I wanted him to be my husband through it all and promising to love and cherish his love forever felt like a brand new chapter of our life together. It's weird but in a way, and D knows this, I always felt like we were married to each other from when we got together. We made an unsaid promise to love and never hurt the other person and we stuck to that promise through the years.

D has been my soul mate and my best friend since the day we met back in October 2000. He was the first to say I love you and when he did it all I said was "YOU love ME?" I was in shock that someone as amazing as him could fall in love with someone like me. He swept me off my feet and has never let me down since. I know I am the luckiest girl alive to have such a wonderful man as my best friend and now husband for the last two years. He was truly made for me and he literally is my first and only true love.

This is year is super special as we no longer celebrate just the two of us but Izzy is here with us celebrating the day and reminding us today of all days that miracles can and do happen. I love you my amazing and irresistible husband.. I don't know what I did in a previous life to deserve you but I sure know never to take what we have for granted. I love you.

I found these quotes recently and I saved them for this moment...

"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years." Simone Signoret

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." Germaine Greer

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” Phyllis Diller

Here we were taking our first steps as husband and wife...

Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-14T15:45:00.008+04:00

Trees are my secret obsession..

making small talk and other random thoughts

2010-07-13T14:12:00.005+04:00

I am not nor have I ever been one of those women who make small talk. It does not come natural to me and when I try it it make me feel so awkward. Since getting pregnant I have made small talk with complete strangers on two different occasions. The first time happened last week, I went shopping for food for D who was home sick with a cold (wonder where I got mine from...!!) and I wanted tomato soup and all they had was broccoli and stilton soup which I hate and cannot eat whilst pregnant. So I stood there like a moron looking for something else to buy. This woman also stood there looking at all sort of deli meats. She turned to me at one stage and said "can't find what you came here for?" and I turned to her and said that I came here for tomato soup and they had everything but that. She told me that she had a dinner party that night and that her husband just told her that one of her guest was Muslim and therefor did not eat meat. She had planned some kitchen wrapped in pancietta and so she had to come out at the last minute to look for some halal pancietta and all they had was turkey slices. I said something along the lines that I felt for her. After a while she picked up her turkey slices and left but before she did she turned back and said good luck to me and I wished her the same.I know most people do this every day but for me this is a rare occasion. When I told D his eyes popped and he said "You making small talk to strangers... this pregnancy is really changing you!"

Well it happened again today. I was at work in the restroom. When I went to wash my hands there was another lady brushing her teeth (it was after lunch), I looked down and so her big bump. I instinctively and without thinking twice asked her how far along she was and she told me she was due the first week of August. Her belly looks so big and beautiful and for a tiny lady she carried with it with such grace. She asked me the same and I told her and then she said she know when the birth will happen as she is having a scheduled c-section at the same hospital I am delivering at but that she is also considering another one for insurance purposes. I asked her if she knew what she was having and she told me that she is having twin girls. How exciting!! She told me she is working till the end in order to make the most of her short maternity leave (we both have 45 calendar days which is just shit!). I wished her good luck and said congratulations on her blessing and she said the same. We work in the same zone but for different companies and as much as I have seen her around I have never spoken to her before today. I will surely look out for her for brief catch ups in the coming weeks.

As much as I LoVe our new house I am starting to dislike all the issue we are facing with it. If it's not one thing it's the next but our main issue so far has been with the water tank and pump. The geniuses that built these houses didn't think that putting a water pump underground in a garden that needs a lot of water would be an issue, so not only they built it like this they also didn't waterproof these manholes and pumps. As a result from one moment to the next we are left with no water as the water pumps get flooded with water. Since we moved there 6 months ago we have had to get the maintenance to pump water out on 4 occasions, two of which occurred within 2 days of each other. Now you tell me if this is normal? Last night it happened again. We were watching tv thinking the water was watering itself and when I went to check the water was off in the garden and in the house too. They came they "semi-fixed" and they are coming back today to fix things for the third time. I swear I hope they do fix this once and for all

I have also changed my job to travel agent! My parents are coming to stay with us for a month (they live on another continent from us so it's only logical for them to stay longer) from the week I go on maternity till the 23rd of October so I have had to organise their tickets for their trip. I cannot wait to see them and it'll be great for them to see me pregnant. I last saw them for Christmas and pictures don't really do this justice. I warned them that they might have to drive me to the hospital and be ready to speed if necessary.. that should be fun! I have also asked my mom on several occasions if she wanted to come in with us whilst I deliver and on all occasions her reply has been somewhat vague. The first time I asked her we were talking about their visit and whether they should come before or after Izzy's birth. I told her that if they came early she could come in with us and her reply was "we'll come after then!!" I should have gotten the picture but I asked her again and when I felt how uncomfortable she was I answered for her and said that maybe it would not be fair on dad who would have to stay out on his own. To that she agreed. I think it would be too much for her to see me in that much pain and that she might not be able to stand it. She is a known fainter so I think if she saw blood she would be out and then take D with her as he gets queasy too!!! When I told D all he said, in a joking way, was "I am glad you are so considerate of your mom's feelings.. what about mine??"

Then in December we are having everyone over for Christmas at our house, well not exactly staying with us but spending Christmas here with us for Izzy's first Christmas. My brother and his family are flying over from the UK, my parents from Italy, my father in law from Greece and maybe D's brother and new wife from Belgium. It should be fun and an experience to have everyone here together at once! We are putting people in hotels as our house only has one spare room, the other room being Izzy's room and we are saving that for D's dad as he is alone and would not be nice for him to be in a hotel alone. So we have a lot to plan and I want to do it all before Izzy gets here because then she comes first and I will only have eyes and ears for my little cutelet! When I told this to my mom she almost sounded jealous as if she was losing me to Izzy in a way.. which is silly because she will always be my mom but I feel that in way she feels she might be less important in my life once she is born.. need to make sure she does not feel that way!!

Taking this cold to the mattresses!!!!

2010-07-12T15:11:00.004+04:00

I am once again coming down with a cold.. I swear I was fine last night and now I am all congested up. I have 4 days left of my twenties, I should be on top form not feeling like an old lady! So I have come up with a canning plan.... I have decided to take inspiration from Kathleen Kelly from You've Got Mail and "take this cold to the mattresses" Godfather style!!!! I shall not be sick, full of snot during the the last week of my twenties... I will Fight, Fight, Fight!!! So I sit here drinking liters of water, tea with lemon and honey and walking around to keep my energy going.. I am one determined person when I want to be!

You must think I have been obsessing over turning 30 but the fact is that until a friend mentioned if I was ready for the last week of my twenties, I had no clue my birthday was so close. I have to admit that I am really looking forward to this big surprise with friends on Thursday night and then to our mastery long weekend away!! I cannot wait for it!!! All D told me to pack was a swimsuit that fits me because "we will be away from civilisation"! How cool does that sound??? I cannot wait to see where my lovely husband is taking me! I am also super excited about Thursday but worried after D told me off last weekend for being high maintenance but thinking I am low maintenance.. which is, according to Harry from When Harry Met Sally.....the worst kind of woman:

Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

Sally Albright: Which one am I?

Harry Burns:You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

D told me this because everyone has been asking him what to get me for my birthday and how no one, including him, knows what to get me because I don't spell it out! When he asked me I told him to tell people to get me vouchers for books or stores anything is fine but no specifics because I don't want people to spend a fortune on a birthday present. I said it before, I have not celebrated my birthday with friends since I was 18 so I am a little out of training here! When it comes to D's present I told him I don't want anything because he is already taking us to this amazing weekend away so that's the present and not to get me anything from Tiffany either. Basically he should not get me a present.. now that's not high maintenance to me??!?

Anyway, I am off walking around the office trying to shake this cold off... wish the cold luck ladies because I am not taking any hostages today!!!

My post its and we got the Cot bed!!!!

2010-07-11T12:29:00.012+04:00

Since getting pregnant my brain has not been working in the same way it was pre-pregnancy. I was always the one that people relied on to remind them of appointments and useful information, it was my gift. Well my gift is gone and people have stopped asking me to remind them of what they need to do cause they know I will forget. As much as I try to remember what question I was suppose to ask my midwife or my doctor I will not be able to remember when I need to. It might come to me an hour after the appointment or I might remember it as I am about to fall asleep, but that is of little use.

In order to keep up with appointments and a semi normal life I have started writing all the "important" things down on post its which I then stick to the inside of my purse. When I showed D the inside of my purse he was shocked with what he saw. I had something close to 5 post its all stuck to my purse and I had to admit that was a good day. I told him that he can official call the doctors when I start sticking post its to the walls of hour bedroom in a manner similar to that movie "Momento" except the guy did it with a combination of notes and tattoos. I hope I don't get that bad..!

In other news, we got Isabella's cot bed and it's wonderful! It's not one of the 3 we had shortlisted but it's a new one we saw yesterday in this funky shop in Dubai. We went there to look for decals for Izzy's room which I saw on their website so after selecting the ones we liked we moved on to discuss cot beds with the manager of the shop. We told her what we were looking for and she showed us three that interested us. The first one had an oval shape that as cute as it looked would have been difficult to own in the long run in terms of finding sheets to fit it etc. The second one was a white simple and yet practical cot with a drop sides that transformed into a junior bed. The last one was a sleigh design cot that when we first saw it dismissed on the ground that the colour was not what we were looking for. When she said that they had it in white as well we bought looked at each other and knew it that that was it! Here is a picture of it, but in the one we got the two end parts are in full wood (at least that's what we remember!):

It's called the New Sleigh 3 in 1 Cot bed and it's by Boori Country an Australian company. We love it because:

the wood they use is grown in a sustainable plantation so as much as it'll be durable through the years, it came from a plantation that was created for this purpose;
it meets all the safety standards you can think of;
it is possible to lower the side track for easier access to the baby;
it does not only convert into a junior bed but later when Izzy outgrows that too it can be converted into a little sofa;
it comes with its own spring mattress so we can be sure of a perfect fit.

We ordered it and it should be delivered to us in 8 weeks from now which will be around the first week of September! We cannot wait to see it in Izzy's room! D saw a little chest for Izzy to keep some of her toys in and fell in love with it so we got it too! It's also white but we could add stickers or maybe a nice looking pillow for now.

We had a busy but exciting weekend! On Friday we had two back to back parenting classes, the first one was all about C-sections and the exercises to do after the operation and the actual procedure etc. The second class covered baby care, so we learnt how to hold the baby (Teddy bear in our case!) when breastfeeding her, how to bath and change her nappy. It was a lot of fun and very educative for us. We also learnt that poor little Isabella will have a lot of vaccinations to do after she is born... I don't dare think about it yet!!! The first ones are done after she is born.. how crazy is that?? Will need to do some more research on the subject!

We then went to get special paint and stencil brushes to do the stencil in Izzy's room. D had the brilliant idea of making a stencil that reads Isabella Anna to put in the only section of the wall that we left white. So I spent all of last week trying to work out how to make the stencil. I have never made one so I researched it online and watched YouTube videos of how to make them! LOL In the end, the stencil came out pretty well and we could not wait to get started on it. D suggested we get special paint and brushes for it so after we got all the material together, Friday night D went up on that painful ladder again (I swear the man is a saint! I spent 10 minutes putting the light curtains up on that ladder and my feet hurt like hell today! He did all of the walls twice on it and never complaint!! How don't know how he did it!!) and the result is just amazing!! I also washed the curtains and put them back up and the whole room looks so so pretty.. it remined us of a peaceful cloud! We are so pleased with the overall look of the room so far and cannot wait to see it once the cot and the rest of the furniture (we still need to buy) arrives! Here is a picture of how the stencil came out and how it looks now the colour is dry and the curtains are up:

Retrain my brain

2010-07-07T12:49:00.006+04:00

One thing that I have learnt so far in this pregnancy and by reading through some heartbreaking stories recently and some inspirational blog entries, is that I need to cherish and live every moment of this pregnancy because it's so precious and because you just never know...

I remember how scared I was of letting go and allow myself to think of how amazing this truly is. I remember the fear that something might happen and something might take it all away and by living in fear all I achieved was lack of enjoyment of the moment I was living. Well that is no longer me. I chose not to be afraid and scared of what might be because I just don't know what tomorrow will hold. All I know for sure is that right now my baby girl is kicking away at my bladder and moving around every so often to remind me that she is a miracle and she is alive. I chose not to worry about what future ultrasounds might show because right now there is really nothing to worry about. We went out and bought so many things that in 3 months time our baby girl will hopefully enjoy and use. I read baby care books because I believe that in approximately 95 days we will bring home our baby girl and I will be able to apply some of the things I have learned in the way we will bring her up

Thinking like that comes naturally because in the reality of the moment all is good and all is going as it should be. The part I chose to ignore and silence consists of the negative thoughts and the thoughts that come from having experience difficulty in getting to where we are now. What I do now is play off those feelings and thoughts to make my point even stronger. For example when the thought of how things could go wrong because of how hard it was to get here in the first place comes into my mind I think and cherish the fact that I am pregnant NOW despite all the tests and medical explanations as to why it might not happen. When I think that it might never happen again, I hug my belly and stroke it thinking how wonderful it is that I am experiencing this at all! I basically fight those feeling back with a baseball bat because they will not get in the way of me enjoying this amazing pregnancy I am living! It takes practice and I need to stick at it because it's easy to go back and allow those negative thoughts to sneak in but I am determined to try my best.

In a way I feel like I am retraining my brain. I remember when we first TTC we saw everything as a positive and as a new opportunity, we expected a positive result and were so oblivious of the journey we had just embarked on. Even during the first batch of tests when we found the first problems, we still managed to keep positive. It was later when everything looked bleak and IVF was mentioned that we started to think the millions of what ifs and we learnt pretty quickly to expect a negative result as the norm. Well now it's the time to change all that and go back to that first innocent state of mind because life is beautiful and the miracle that we both prayed so much for is growing within me... and that alone should be celebrated each day.

Dreams

2010-07-06T11:08:00.003+04:00

I have always been a dreamer and I remember all my dreams, good or bad. Since getting pregnant and especially in the last couple of weeks the dreams have become more intense and more vivid too

Last night's dream was the first of its kind as it was my first giving birth dream. I was in labour as I had contractions so I went to the hospital. Once I arrived (I was on my own) the nurse at the reception asked me how my first baby was doing and I looked at her not knowing what she meant. The other nurse next to her gave her a bad look and showed her something on my file. I asked them what they were talking about and the nice nurse said she was sorry for the other's nurse lack of sensitivity as she didn't know I gave birth to a still born baby in my previous pregnancy. The news shocked me and at the same time I seemed to have remember that it did happen. I started crying so much that I could not stand and I couldn't even feel any labour pain. They then took me to the L&D room where the doctor proceeded to break my water and give me a c-section and in no time Isabella was out and on my chest. She was such a big baby with beautiful green eyes like her daddy. I hugged her and kissed her and I never wanted to let her go. She was not crying but smiling at me with the cutest of smiles. They wrapped her up in paper towels as I had not bought her a blanket! (bad mommy!) After a while I was a allowed to leave and I left Izzy there as it was expected but later we came back with D and he cried so much when he saw her and he could not stop hugging her and kissing her all over.

That was traumatic and beautiful all at the same time and in way it makes me wonder how real labour will feel and be like for me. We live a good 30-45 minutes away from our hospital and D has been suggesting we get a cheap hotel room nearby for the last two weeks. I don't know if this is a good idea as I would rather be in our house with all the things I love than in a hotel room. He has a point in that if I go into labour when he is at work then there will be no one that can take me to the hospital and even friends that work nearby our house will take time in getting there and then take me to hospital. Then again I know that labour does not just come on one minute to the next and I know most women are in labour for a long time before they deliver so I am confident we will make it there in time.

The second dream I have had involved me being involved in saving Barack Obama's life. I know it sound completely loopy but here it goes. For some reason I had realised that this woman that lived next door to me was crazy and wanted to kidnap and kill the US president. So I intervened and fought with her and managed to keep her from doing any harm to the president, or so we thought until I saw that she had already the president in her basement. I was able to go see him and reassure him that help was on the way and that I would not let any harm come to him. I was even patting his head, it was hilarious! I went to my house and left him there knowing the secret service were going to go in any minute. The next morning I went by the house and was welcomed and hugged by Michelle Obama who kept on thanking me for saving her husband's life and the father of her girls! It was all so bizarre and it all felt real, I was a national hero!

Shopping weekend!!!

2010-07-04T14:04:00.021+04:00

I said we were going to start shopping for Isabella and shop we did!!! Our bank account is crying but we are happy! We started shopping on Friday morning, and we never felt so excited about spending money! It was the first time that D bought anything for Izzy so he was on a roll and at one stage he said he needs to go shopping on his own one of these days as I was slowing his spending spree down! It's not my fault I am a slow shopper and think 100 times before buying.. it's in my genes!!

The first purchase was a bathtub and as my brother recommended we bought a sponge to go inside it so that Izzy rests on it and it'll be easier to wash her. We also got her this cute and soft changing pad for nappy changing purpuses! My brother has a similar one and it's so easy to carry around the house depending on where his girls are.

The second big buy was the bottles steriliser which I had researched and found that steam sterilisers are more reliable and better all around than all others kind. So we went for the Philips Avent electric steam steriliser. It fits up to 6 bottles and breast bumps accessories and the cleaning cycle takes only 8 minutes. Its design is also sleek and not too bulky which is important in our not so big kitchen and we don't need a bigger one as I plan to breastfeed until I can.

D also bought a thermometer to measure Izzy when she has a possible fever. He actually wanted to buy the whole first aid section of the shop! I told him I had not researched ear thermometers and he gave me a look that said: "have you lost your mind??!?" so I kept quiet. We also got some night lights with Winnie the Pooh on it and some flowers ones too.

We then moved to the next shop where we saw they had baby swimsuits on sale so we got Izzy her first and also a cute little outfit that we could not resist!

D also got me to look at maternity clothes that were also on sale and I got 2 dresses (one to show off my new cleavage!) and 1 trouser for work and 1 pair of shorts! D also saw a playmat we have been buying for all our friends' kids and he said that after we bought it for everyone it was time we got it for ourselves! It's Izzy first game and as it's coming from daddy, it's even more special! It's super colourful and has music and lots of other fun things for her to discover.

We also looked at all the cots we are currently considering. We have 3 running favourites but cannot make our minds up on which to get. They are all white but they are all different models and they are all beautiful in their own right, they all convert into junior beds for when Isabella is big enough. Here they are, if you like one of them over the other let me know.

Number one on the list is the Celine from Mamas & Papas .We love the design of this one but we are not convinced about the paint they used to make it look antique white:

Number two is Humphrey's Corner cot bed. They don't sell the model that is all white here in the Emirates but they sell one with a wooden tip. It still looks super cute but if it was Winnie the Pooh we would have bought it but as we don't know Humphrey's Corner much it feels strange to buy Izzy a bed with this theme on it.

The last choice is a very simple design cot/junior bed by Mamas and Papas called the Coastline. We like it cause it's simple and white and it ticks all the boxes we look for in terms of safety but it does not have that extra factor that make you go "wow".

You might think that our shopping was over but we were ready for more the next day! We went to a new shopping center in Dubai that has a lot of brands that are not generally sold in the UAE. Our first buy of the day was the baby monitor. I have been researching it for a while now and found that the Philips Avent digital ones are reliable and clear. I wanted to go for one model as I had researched it but the only they had was this one and after much internal debate we went for the one they had (after i got home I read up on it and the one we got is the latest model so was super happy with our choice! ) We tested it and it covers all of our house. From the parents' control you can talk to the baby, activate the lullabies options or even turn on the night light. It also shows the temperature in the baby's room and the humidity level. Super happy with it!
Then D literally dragged me into a maternity shop. I thought it was all going to be clothes but they had other stuff that was on my list including the breast pump I wanted, the Medela Swing and the portable changing pad from Skip Hop. D said I need some shopping training because I definitely don't know how to shop! My mom used to tell me the same thing and I have to admit to it.. I am not a good shopper!

We then went into Borders and I got the Dr. Spock's book I have been looking forward to reading and What to Expect in the First Year because I love this series. I also got some for the stencil project I have in mind for Izzy's room. (I'll write more about that another time). We then went into Pottery Barns for kids and they have such lovely and bright things for babies! We bought some bath towels, one that will make Izzy look like a little lamb and the other, D's pick, we are having personalised with Isabella written on the hood. We also got lots of fitted sheets for the cot (that we don't own yet!) and 2 cot skirts, just because they looked so cute!! We then saw this cute painting of a fairy and we bought loved it so much that we got it for her room.

That was the last shop we went into that day. We felt really good about all our purchases so far and we are looking forward to the next set... cannot wait! D has been sick with a bad cold and cough since Saturday....the price you pay for too much shopping! LOL

101 days to go

2010-07-01T10:03:00.015+04:00

Today we have exactly 101 days to go till THE date, that is exactly 3 months and 9 days before the 10th of October! Given I haven't done one of those updates in a while I thought I'd write one today to mark the 101 days to go!

Weight gained so far: 13kg (27 pounds) I know it's a lot of weight and most people gain that in their entire pregnancy and I still have 3 months to go but I refuse to care. Isabella is doing good and she is just the right size, I passed the GTT and as I was underweight to begin with this is normal. My midwife still calls me tiny which is weird considering I have never been this big! I love it!

Stretch marks: none so far and considering the amount of weight I am piling on you'd think I'd be full by now. I think it's all down to my miracle Spoiled Mama cream!! LOL

Biggest change: Isabella's movement. Since last Friday she started moving around so much and I can feel her and see her whenever she moves from one side of my belly to the next. When D saw it for the first time last Friday he thought it was so freaky. All he could say was WOW in a very shocked tone of voice! He is now used to it but still loves feeling her move.

Major purchase for Isabella: still just clothes and the pram (that is still not here.. D rolls his eye every time someone mentions it.. all he says is: "with all the prams you can find we had to go buy one from New Zealand!!" I know, I know!) but we intend to rectify all of that this weekend!!! We are going furniture shopping, I got the list ready and I am already checking on the mattress

Nursery progress: lots of it! D applied the second "glossy" layer of paint last week and last night we literally spilled blood, sweat and tears over the plastic sheet in her room to get the masking tape off the ceiling and everywhere in the room. Blood and tears because we both cut ourselves, mine were two minor ones but D's one was a deeper cut and by the time I brought him tissues he had blood drops over the plastic sheet on the floor. Sweat because I am always hot and D felt the heat going up and down the ladder! All we can hope is that Isabella likes her room as much as we do because I cannot imagine painting it again soon!

Sleeping:I have weird dreams but that's nothing new, I have always had very vivid dreams. The strange thing is how D is also having crazy dreams that he remembers, sometimes I wake up to him laughing in his sleep. D has always been someone who could never remember his dreams and now every morning he tells me about his latest dream. Last night he said he dreamt he came home to find a jaguar outside our house and a tiger inside of it. I need to do some research and see if this is something common in pregnancy!

Cravings: nothing yet and I still like what I used to like and hate what I used to hate. We'll see if this changes later on

How is D doing: Feeling super proud of his work on the nursery and looking forward to starting the shopping spree! He still loves to kiss my belly and he tells Izzy how much he loves her which is just so cute. He does not sing or read to her because he does not feel comfy doing that yet, he says he'll wait till she is born to start! I bet she'll welcome the change from my tone deaf voice singing Twinkle Twinkle and You Are My Sunshine! He still has some moments when he looks at me and smiles from ear to ear and says "can you believe you are growing a baby in there? OUR baby?!?!?" When he says that his eyes twinkle and they me feel like goo. I love him so much!

Best moments: seeing her face in 4D was amazing because we are now able to put a face to our baby girl and what a beautiful, cute and adorable face! Also the fact that she moves so often is so reassuring especially the scare of last week

What am I looking forward to: getting her room ready in terms of wardrobe and decals, just walking in there and feeling like it's her room.

What I miss: perhaps the only thing I miss is our old sex life. We used to have an active(in every sense of the word- LOL) sex life and now due to the size of my belly we are limited but it makes for some interesting stories for us to laugh about in years to come!

Here is a picture of me at 4 weeks pregnant (the day of my second beta result!):

and here is me last week at 24 weeks and 4 days:

Wordless Wednesday (with a few words!)

2010-06-30T14:28:00.006+04:00

The love of my life (D) got into so much trouble from his crazy-ass-pregnant-wife (me) for buying me these lovely flowers and therefore being home late last night. This is an attempt on my behalf to say... I am sorry for being so hormonal and worrying so much! I love the flowers and the thought behind them! I adore you so much my sweet xxx

Keep Rebecca in your prayers

2010-06-29T10:05:00.003+04:00

Please friends, visit Rebecca's blog to offer your support and please keep her and her husband in your thoughts and prayers.

Another heart update

2010-06-28T10:34:00.003+04:00

Ok, so after my last update yesterday I was driving home when my doctor called. She told me that she called the doctor she wanted me to see about doing a anomaly scan focused on the heart and he told her that unless the problem is still there after 28 weeks,they don't consider it an emergency and they don't even look at it. The hear beats could just regulate themselves. If the issue is still there then they will investigate things further. She actually apologised for making me worry so much but she didn't want to underestimate the issue without having consulted all the experts. So now we wait and see how her heart looks at 28 weeks and take it from there. I hope by then all will look normal and as it should be and if it isn't we'll take it from there. All I can do is keep eating right and keep monitoring her movements which are always frequent, thank God, the rest is not up to us to decide.

I feel so exhausted by all this ups and downs and D told me that he was getting upset with the doctor for making me worry one minute and reassure me the next and then freak me out again. I blame myself in a way for having gone back to the clinic when I am in the care of the hospital where I will deliver. I should have just gone there fore the glucose test and be done with it instead of wanting to see the doctor to make sure everything is ok. I think part of it comes from my fear of something going wrong or because the other hospital treats me like any other pregnant woman and I freak out that I am not. Anyway, now all we can do is not hope all looks great at 28 weeks so we can move on from this.

Thank you again for all your messages and words of encouragement they really meant a lot to me.

Research on irregular heartbeat in unborn babies (puts my mind at ease and it's in line with what I have been told):

An irregular heart rhythm is usually benign, but your obstetrician may refer you to a pediatric cardiologist for a fetal echocardiogram to better define the heart rhythm.

The normal fetal heart rate is between 120 and 160 beats per minute. The heartbeat is usually regular with only a little variation in the heart rate. Each heartbeat comes from the top part of the heart (atrium) beating first, followed immediately by the bottom part of the heart (ventricle). The bottom part of the heart is what causes blood to leave the heart and make a sound on the heart monitor.

The most common cause of an irregular heart rhythm is when the top part of the heart beats too early (premature atrial contraction, or PAC). Sometimes this premature beat is transmitted to the bottom part of the heart; other times the communication between the top and bottom part of the heart is interrupted after a premature beat.

An early beat that is transmitted or blocked will cause an irregularity in the heart's rhythm. These premature atrial contractions are very common in the second half of pregnancy and usually don't cause any problems. They may persist after the baby is born, but usually go away by one month of life. Medication isn't necessary.

These premature beats can cause problems in a small percentage of cases if multiple consecutive premature beats occur. When this happens for a long enough period, it's called tachycardia (fast heart rate). If the heart rate stays above 200 beats per minute for a long period of time (hours or days), it could damage the baby’s heart and other organs. If tachycardia occurs, your pediatric cardiologist and obstetrician will recommend medicine for you to take to help regulate your fetus’s heart rhythm. If there are any signs of damage to the fetal heart, it may be recommended that you be hospitalized while beginning the medicine. If you are put on medicine, it is likely the baby will need to take the same medicine after birth.

Most fetuses with tachycardia have a good prognosis if the heart is structurally normal. Some fetuses have a pattern of frequent blocked premature contractions resulting in a low heart rate (bradycardia). This does not usually cause any problems to the baby as long as the heart rate remains above 60–70. Some fetuses with premature atrial contractions can have bradycardia on one visit and develop tachycardia later on. An irregular heart rhythm is not usually worrisome in the fetus, but should be followed closely by your obstetrician.

The calm after the storm... or so I hope

2010-06-27T12:10:00.005+04:00

I was so overwhelmed to see all the messages you have left after my post on Thursday. I showed these to D as well and he was just stunned. Our community is such an amazingly supportive one that cares so much and one I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Thank you for your positive thoughts and your prayers, it meant so much and I am convinced it helped.

After Thursday's events I went home and as on Friday we were organising a World Cup Football, BB-Q and beer (for those who drink) I got lost organising, planning and food shopping. D gave me a huge hug and told me not to jump to any conclusions and that all would be ok as the doctor said. I swear I envy his positive character and would give anything to be a bit more like him. On Friday I knew our clinic is closed as in the UAE Fridays are like Sundays for us, so I tried my best not to think about Izzy's heart but I focused on having a good time and making sure people were enjoying themselves. The party was a huge success and our friends loved our house, the food and the drinks. They came at 5.30pm and all left happy after midnight. I have to say I am not big on having too many people at my house all at once but I have to admit that the party was a God send. I kept myself so occupied that I didn't have time to sit and worry which as a few of you mentione, is not good for me or Izzy!

Yesterday we had a super early start of the day for a Saturday morning as we had D's dad here for the day. He was stopping over en route to visiting a friend in Indonesia for some travelling. We finally agreed on telling him about our choice of name, we had been putting it off because we know he can be difficult at times, but he loved the name and the fact that we gave Izzy's Anna as the second name after his late wife. Through the day my mind kept on thinking about the clinic and whether my doctor spoke to the specialist. We had a busy day but managed to take a few breaks here and there too and during those breaks I was so tempted to call the doctor but D said that they would have called me once they had the results.

During the evening we stopped home for a shower and a break so I sneaked upstairs and called the clinic. The doctor called me back soon after with the results. She first told me that I passed my glucose test and the internal exam for possible infections, she also told me that I still have low iron so to keep taking my supplements (need to speak to my midwife first!). Then she told me that she called the specialist doctor she knows and explained what she saw on Thursday regarding Izzy's heart, he told her that we should not be concerned or investigate things further unless Izzy's heart starts beating way above what it normally should be (above 200bpm and her current heartbeats are 154 on average). She also mentioned that she will speak to another colleague of hers in Egypt and ask for her opinion as well just to rule out any possible problem. That made me feel much better and I immediately breathed a sight of relief. She told me to ask my midwife to keep monitoring Izzy's heartbeat which she does and record at every visit and for them to check her heart again when we are going in for next ultrasound. I felt so happy I was in tears. Part of me wishes I had a doppler but then again I know I would become obsessed so I just need to trust the doctors and Isabella's constant movements as an indication that all is ok. I told D and he just smiled and said "I was not expecting any other news" he basically wanted to tell me "I told you so" but held back. I thank him for that, because he knows how hard it is for me not to get carried away.. it's within my genes! My grandma was the same and so is my dad.. we worry!

I am so blessed that all seems to be ok and that Izzy's heart just needs to be monitored but not anymore than any other baby's and that she is ok. The thought of anything harming our baby girl scared me to death in a way I have never felt before and I have been through my fair share of tragedies. I cannot describe the feeling in words but I hope and pray I don't feel this again any time soon.

*******UPDATE*******
Just when I was starting to relax here comes another cloud in the sky. My doctor called me and she said that she spoke to her colleague in Egypt who asked her a lot of questions on Izzy’s heart. She said that they normally investigate further when they see liquid around the heart or that the heart is not formed as it should be. She said that she asked about how many times the heart was going faster many times as if this had significance. She still think it’s ok and that there is nothing to worry about but given the questions of the other doctor she wants to make sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with her heart. She is therefore arranging for an appointment at a special center in Dubai where they do in detail morphology exams. Hopefully then we will be able to rule out every possibility of abnormality of her heart or possible complications. As I have said millions of times before I trust my doctor 100% so we will go for this appointment and rule out any possible problems. I told D and he sounded concerned, I don’t like it when he is concerned. My mind is racing forward and my heart is going fast.. I need to calm down. I am going to try do my meditation..

Everything will be fine...

2010-06-24T13:28:00.005+04:00

During last visit at the hospital I asked my midwife when I would be required to do my gestational diabetes test. She told me that they don't run them routinely unless you have shown to be at high risk. I remember talking to my RE about it and she told me that that they screen for it as a routine between 24 and 28 weeks, in Europe and in the US this is also the case. My soon to be sister in law had it done with both her pregnancies and it was run as a routine test. Because I tend to panic and because I would rather be safe than sorry I booked an appointment to get my gestational diabetes test done at her clinic just to make sure all is ok. So this morning I went and as I knew I was going to be there for 2 hours I thought it would be nice to see my doctor as well just for a quick chat and check up. Going back to the clinic felt like going to see family. All the nurses were looking at me and they could tell how much I had changed and complimented me on my big belly. They took my first fasting blood and urine than I was give a big glass of glucose to drink. It tasted way to sweet but one of the nurses told me just to down it and drink water after it and that helped.

The doctor arrived and she complimented me on my round bump! She said that I should not be obliged to have a visit as I am being followed by another hospital but I told her I wanted to. She asked me a few questions about the hospital to make sure I am well followed and then I had an ultrasound. It was funny because she asked me if I wanted an ultrasound as if she already knew what the answer to the question would be! Izzy looks so nice and big now and was head down which was great surprise and proof that she moves constantly still. Then she focused on her heart. She spent what felt like 10 minutes on it. I knew something was wrong because I have never seen her spend so much time on anything before. She told me she was checking to see all was ok and spent a little longer on it and also turned on the heart monitor to check her heart rhythm on the monitor. After that she took measurements of her head and thigh bone which show her to be right on schedule. She then took out portable Doppler to hear her heartbeat and listened for a good minute or more. Whilst I was there she took an internal swab to check that there are no bacteria that could cause preterm labour (we got the results straight away and all look grand.)

Once we sat down after the exam she told me that she saw Izzy’ heart going at a normal rate but that it would have irregular heartbeats every so often, I could see that too but didn’t know what to look for exactly. She said she picked that up from the monitor as well as looking at hear heart but that she could not hear the irregular heartbeats on the Doppler. I asked if I should be concerned but she said not to be because at this stage we cannot do anything anyway. Not very reassuring, what I wanted to hear was that we had no issue to worry about. Anyway she mentioned she had just been to a conference on heart monitoring in unborn babies and that she knows a more specialized doctor whom she will contact and ask his opinion on. She said that he might look at the pictures of the heart rhythm and say all is ok or might want to ask us to go in for a more in detail exam and look at hear heart. For now she told me not to panic but to stay calm that all will be ok. All I could think about was reading on another blog about someone going for a detailed heart monitoring exam because there is evidence that shows that IVF babies have more chances of experiencing heart defects.

I got another blood test and urine sample and then I called D to tell him. I managed to stay calm and sound reasonable on the phone to him so he would not worry. After that the nurse that was in the examination room with us came to sit with me as I waited for the last urine sample and blood test and did an EXCELLENT job at keeping me distracted and busy until 11.30. The last blood test hurt like a b*&$@ and because I had no veins left they had to use the same site they used for the first blood test. I said my goodbyes and left.

The minute I got in the car the crying started. It came on so strong and fast I couldn’t hold it back. The thought that something could possibly be wrong with Izzy scares me to death and the thought that we “cannot do anything about it yet” scares me even more. She is not supposed to be having problems she is our perfect little princess and nothing or nobody should ever hurt her. I called D in tears and he told me not to panic because it’s not good for me or the baby, of course he is right. The problem is that my heart does not want to listen…my heart is heavy at the mere possibility of something harming our cutie pie. He also said that maybe because the doctor just went to a conference on the subject she might be more prone to spend more time on the heart. It’s a natural reflex and thinking of it makes sense, like D said if I went to a conference on contract negotiations that focused on one particular clause I would be more inclined to look at that clause more closely from now on. I truly hope with all my heart that this is the case and that there is nothing wrong with our baby girl. I then called my mom and dad and told them and she said that it might be nothing major and to think of my brother who has a small heart defect that they only discovered after his birth but that perhaps these days with all the technology they might have picked up earlier. For now until I hear back from the doctor I hang on to these thoughts and pray that there is nothing wrong with our princess and that it’s one of those “better safe than sorry” events. As I type these thoughts she kicks my bladder as in to say: “stop the worrying mommy, I am fine!!” I have said it many times and will always believe it that our baby girl is so intelligent and knows me better than I know myself. I will try focus on the kicks and the movements and blank out the rest…. Everything will be fine.

As a small side note (I fell that as a mom I have to do EVERYTHING I can!) and note I normally don't do this, but I would really appreciate if you could keep our little Izzy in your thoughts/prayers. I do believe in the power of positive energy and prayers and I have seen it do wonders .. thanks.

Surprises suprises

2010-06-23T13:16:00.006+04:00

I cannot handle surprises. I am a planner and the thought of waiting for something to happen without me knowing what it is drives me nuts! I am great at organising surprises for others and did so on many occasions for D or my parents. I am guilty of always knowing ahead of time what I would get from my parents each Christmas. My mom would do her best to hide the presents and I would always find them months ahead. I wouldn't tell them I found them but knowing what I was going to get eased my mind. It's not as if I did it so I could play for them or ask for something else, it's just that I could not handle the anticipation. This of course drives D and my friends and family insane!

I haven't changed that much from that child. D and I got married on the 16th of July which is a day earlier than my birthday. We didn't plan it this way, it just happened that the embassy could only marry us on this date. Well last year we celebrated our first wedding anniversary and D was all cool about not getting crazy presents which put me completely off guard. So as the first wedding anniversary is paper I got him a subscription to his favourite newspaper. Not the most romantic of gifts but we had "agreed" on something small. When I got home that night the door bell rang and the florist handed me pillow of red roses with a balloon attached to it

tha said "I love you". I was in total shock. What was all of this??? Then D arrived and with a big I -got -you -good grin on his face and handed me a Tiffany's bag.... not any bag a Tiffany' bag!! My heart almost burst out of my chest! Again, what was all this? I gave him one of my looks (I am knowing to give petrifying looks) and he said "you are the only woman I know who gets upset getting a Tiffany's bag!" I wiped that look from my face and gave him a big sloppy kiss instead! The Tiffany's bag contained the cutest most thoughtful of charm bracelets. D picked all the charms himself which made it even more special! So there, he got me good. He told me later that even though he planned everything for months he got everything that same day so I wouldn't have chance to know what I was up to. I am that bad!

Well this year is a special year for us, we are finally pregnant and in October Isabella will be here with us, it's our second wedding anniversary, I turn 30 and D 29 (not liking this!!!) and in October we celebrate our 10 year anniversary (date in which we first kiss and have been together since!). So as you see it's a BIG year. First on the list of celebrations is our anniversary on the 16th of July then my birthday on the 17th. I normally don't do anything on my birthday. Last time I felt like celebrating it was when I turned 18. D and I normally go out for a nice meal or do something that I like doing. This year I want to celebrate it big time. Big Time for me might not mean the same to others. I told D I wanted to have a dinner with all my favourite people that live here and I definitely wanted a cake and presents! He has been off organizing the evening, sending invites to friends and making reservations and you know what.. this time I DON'T want to know! I want a BIG surprise! I am doing the opposite of what I would have done in the past. We have also agreed that given I cannot fly anywhere for a short break we would go somewhere nearby for an extended weekend gateway to celebrate our anniversary. D told me yesterday that it's all done and booked and to take the 18th off from work. I was in shock, he has organised it all! I am not surprised because I doubted he would do it or could not organise it but because he has done it and I had no clue! He asked me if I wanted to know where we were going and I said that I didn't. I cannot wait to be surprised!

So all I have to do now is act very unlike me and just go with the flow and see what will happen. Scary thought...

The nursery update

2010-06-22T16:05:00.007+04:00

Isabella’s nursery is going to be fully painted by tonight. D said that tonight after work it’ll give it the second coating and then all we are left to do is the small touch ups. For the second coat we bought the same colour but in a satin finish. The first coat had a flat finish and we thought at satin finish will make the colour look a bit more alive and I just found out that a satin finish is more commonly used in kids room as it’s more durable than a flat colour. I cannot wait to see how it looks once it’s up and the more I think of it the more I feel like a kid in a candy store! It’s crazy to get so excited over a room and yet here I am counting down the hours. Of course it's not just a room, it's Isabella's room, a room that has been sitting empty waiting to be decorated and "dressed up" so our little cutie pie can sleep and play in it. It's a very special room, one that is already filled with lots and lots of love! I wish I was able to paint some as well as I truly enjoy it. In our old flat I painted the whole spare room (we were TTC and I thought it would be the baby’s room) on my own. I actually really enjoy it and I found it helped me release a lot of stress. Well this time I cannot but I also cannot sit and watch whilst he does everything so D and I have come to a compromise: I can paint the areas that require a small brush as long as I wear a protective mask and we leave the air conditioning and the window open at all time. I can live with that. It’s just so much fun to see this room turning into a light and fun room. Cannot wait till we see the finished product. In the meantime here are a few pics of the transformation and me looking rather silly (I don't know how doctors can breath with these things on!!!)

To schedule or not to schedule that is the question!!!

2010-06-21T12:58:00.009+04:00

Some of you who read my blog regularly will know I love to research and plan before I do anything. Well I started thinking about what happens after Isabella is born. How will we cope? How shall we handle sleeping and feeding time? Shall we swaddle? Shall we hug and cuddle to sleep or shall follow a routine for nap/sleep time? Shall we feed whenever she requests it or shall we stick to a schedule? What to do when she cries after she has been fed, changed and put in her cot? Who should wake up during the night? Shall I breastfeed? Shall I express milk? Should she sleep in our room in a moses basket or should she sleep in her crib in her room?

You get the idea. My mind is filled with these type of questions because that's what I am like. I like to plan ahead and be prepared for things to come. I think part of it comes from my military upbringing (for those that have not read my previous entries my dad was an air force pilot). I know that with babies you cannot be sure one night to be the same as the one before and the one after. Each day brings new surprises and new challenges but nonetheless I want to be ready for all eventualities and regardless of probabilities I want to have a clear idea of what method of childcare we will utilise.

My first point of call was a method/system that attracts to me the most: the scheduled/routined method of caring for your baby. You follow routines and teach your baby how to follow them and what you will get, as promised on the covers of these books, is a happy baby who sleeps through the night from a very young age. This kind of approach fascinated me so I bought the Gina Ford's The Contented Little Baby Book (I believe there is a similar book in the US called "On Becoming Babywise" which also advocates schedules and routines) . I started reading the book with an open mind and with a bit of anticipation as to what I would have found out from this guru of modern childcare. It contains a lot of useful information on what items to buy as essential items and which are not worth investing in, all of which is useful info that I referred back to whilst making the "what to buy for Izzy list" (I told you I make lists for everything!!). The first hurdle for me was how strict the scheduling is. You basically place your child on quite a strict routine from the very first early days and as much as these routines change and vary frequently the stringency and lack of flexibility does not. I don't pride myself but I am not oblivious to the fact that friends and family refer to me as someone who loves her routine and they always compare me to the most uptight of characters in movies (Charlotte in SATC, Monica in Friends are just two of my favourites). Well even for someone like me these routines just don't appeal. I am all for creating routine for myself and poor D gets sucked into all of my madness and as someone who HATE routine you can imagine the struggle. But when it comes to creating routines for a baby who is just a few weeks old and has just been through something as traumatic as childbirth can be, I cannot bring myself to do it. As much as the initial appeal of restful nights and a sleepy baby sound the sacrifices that I would put my baby through for manly our benefit does not match. I am sure these types of schedule based books appeal to many and so many people I speak to swear by them but the idea of not looking into my baby's eyes as I feed her before bed at night or at all during the night does not work. I might be uptight but I know I could not resist and I would so give in to her eyes and whisper sweet things to her or sing her the lullabies I am so struggling to learn. I spoke to D about it and asked him what his thoughts were. He agrees. He could not seem himself sticking with the plan and looking after Izzy would feel more like a chore than like what it's supposed to be. It's just not for us.

After coming to this conclusion I was catapulted back in the land of "what now?". I started researching and digging deep. Given my natural instinct don't apply when it comes to our baby, what would? I asked myself what I would feel comfortable with. I went back to good old Dr.Spock. I have not bought the book yet but his cuddle and love your child approach appeals to me a great deal. My mum brought us up following her instincts and Dr. Spock and we turned out ok. I suppose Dr. Spock's philosophy and my dad's strict routines ended up balancing the two out quite well. I read a lot of material on his approach online and I am not saying I will follow what he says to the letter but I do agree with his approach. I do want to have Izzy sleeping in our room in her moses basket until she is old enough for her own crib because I do believe she will benefit from the smaller space of a moses basket. I do want to feed her when she is hungry even if this means we will not get much sleep. I have read and believe that babies' stomachs are small and need small and frequent feeding this together with the fact that it can take up to a week for me to have enough milk supply to satisfy her appetite on more routine based feedings, show that a feeding on demand routine will work much better for the health of the baby. I am not a doctor but I do agree with the doctors that take to this view. I do want to rock her to sleep if she needs it or sing to her and look into her eyes and I know already I could not force myself to do otherwise.

Whilst researching I have also stumbled upon a great site called "The Baby Sleep Site" which was created by a mom, Nicole Johnson whose first child had issue sleeping. It offers great advice on sleeping techniques and what to do and what not to do. Nicole is not a doctor but she is a mother and as a mother has been through some of the same struggles we are bound to face with a newborn. I love her flexible approach which could be described a combination of the two leading approaches of putting your baby on a schedule and letting your baby lead the "schedule". I like how she makes the distinction between each baby in the fact that they are not all the same and they don't all act in the same way. I am seriously considering buying her e-book which gives you lots of other perks as well as the actual book. She does offer guidelines and schedules for older babies but I love the fact that she does not advocate putting babies on a sleep schedule until they are at least 6 months.

I do have a lot of research and reading to do before I can feel comfortable with one method or the other and even then I know I am not going to take every word as the law. I know I will want to add and modify certain things depending on how they impact on Isabella's well being and how they make me feel but ultimately I know a baby-led baby schedule sounds like the perfect suit for us. What I have learned so far is that what I thought would originally work so well for me does not feel right at all when it comes to caring for our baby girl. I have very good instincts and I can easily tell that this parent-led baby schedules is not right for us. As the search continues I will keep you updated on what else I find out.

As a small but yet important side note, today's check up when brilliant! Izzy is still a breech baby but my midwife told me not to worry and that she can still turn around. Her hear beat was 149, so nice and strong. My blood preassure and everything else looked great. My weight is gone up again but that is to be expected I started off so small that the weight is now piling up. As long as it's withing the advised ranges and we are doing good all is good. Next check up is on the 19th of July.. I will be 30 by then!!

24 weeks today

2010-06-20T13:16:00.005+04:00

Today I am 24 weeks and cannot believe it. It is as if time is just running wild these days. If I close my eyes and look back, it seems like yesterday that we found out we were going have a baby and here we are 24 weeks pregnant. Life is really incredible.

This morning I started listening to the last set of meditation/visualisation recording for the second trimester which means next month I will be in the 3rd trimester. Part of this session's exercise is to consider all the aspects of pregnancy that you love and all the things you will miss once you are no longer pregnant. Here are all the things I love abut pregnancy:

I love being pregnant, I have never felt more complete and serene in my life. It's as if I have waited all my life for this moment and I am not exaggerating.

I love my big bump, the way it looks and how it feels so soft and delicate. I also love how my belly button has expanded and now looks like a snooze button!

I love how my boobs have grown so nice and big and how I now have an ample cleavage.

Coming from a recovering bulimic, I never thought I would say this but I love how my body just filled up and how it grows to accommodate my baby and the amazing job it's doing. In my meditation classes I always thank my body for not giving up on me and for doing such an amazing job through my pregnancy. Considering I hated my body first due to the bulimia and then to the infertility and never treated it with the love I should have, it has really showed me a lot of love. It's through pregnancy that I have learned to listen to my body more and treat it with respect and love not with punching gloves.

I love the kicks and movements I have been feeling so regularly now and which ALWAYS bring a smile to my face.

I love how D's face lits up every time he sees my belly and kisses it.

I love going to parenting class and learn all about the things I never thought I would experience. I look around the class and think about all the other parents and wonder what their story might be. I have learned not to assume anything because with every pregnancy comes its own story.

I love that the spare room is no longer an empty room. Even during the first months of pregnancy I always looked at it and dreamed of doing it up for Isabella but now that we are actually painting it makes it all so real. I love walking in there night and day and smelling the paint (it's VOC free so it's ok!) and seeing the colour taking shape. The fear of buying for her is not as strong as it used to be and once the paint dries we are so going to go shopping for her cot and dresser and all other things she might need.

Things I will miss about being pregnant:

All of the above of course.

I will miss that sense of security in knowing that my baby is in me and therefore safe. (I am going to have serious separation issues.. I know it!!!)

I will miss this experience because I know that it might be the only time I get to be pregnant. We know that once Isabella is born we won't have to use precautions and that sooner rather than later we will try IVF again to add a brother or a sister to our family. Will it work? Will it fail? Knowing I have a diminished ovarian reserve does not help. The last two (super powerful) IVFs got us 10 and 9 viable eggs respectively so knowing I will the odds are not that great. That's why I need to cherish every moment of this one pregnancy I am experiencing right now. I suppose knowing it might be the only one might be the contributing factor as to why I love being pregnant so much.

I will also miss skipping queues in public restrooms, at the bank and being offered seats etc LOL

Tomorrow we have our routine checkup and this time I want to ask questions so I am writing them all down. D won't come with us as the appointment is just a routine now and at a weird hour. I cannot wait to hear Isabella's heartbeat which is always music to my ears and I hope my weight is still withing the given guidelines for weight gain. I know most hospitals do glucose tests between 24-28 weeks but last time I spoke to my midwife she said that they don't do the glucose tolerance test unless you show signs that you are having issues. They did randomly check my glucose levels and it all looked good plus they do test my urine for sugar at every visit. I trust them to know what they are doing and not to run expensive tests for no good reason. Cannot wait till tomorrow!!

I am thinking of you

2010-06-17T11:12:00.002+04:00

Given most of the blogs I follow are from ladies in the States I read the blogs with a delay. This morning whilst checking for news from my fellow bloggers I realised what had happened to Alex and my heart just broke for her. After a routine u/s she discovered that her baby had no heartbeat. I have never experience a miscarriage but my heart broke for her nonetheless. After her latest IUI and a previous ectopic pregnancy, this was her turn to be a mom, her time to be pregnant and her time to have the baby she so longed for. I truly believe that life can be so unfair and cruel at times and this is one of those times. I wish I could be there to hold her hand and just being there for her. No one deserves to go through something like this especially after having longed and worked so hard to get pregnant.

I am thinking of you girl today, tomorrow and the next day. I am here if you need to talk and if my blog is too painful for you to read right now I will understand.

Letter to my daughter

2010-06-16T13:33:00.011+04:00

According to a website I subscribe to, one of the tasks for this week is writing an open letter to my unborn daughter. A letter to cherish and treasure in years to come. Here is my working progress.

Dear Isabella,

you are 23 weeks and 3 days old today and as I type you are happily kicking away. You are such an active baby and I love you for every kick and every movement you make me aware of. I cherish your kicks because they remind me that you are real, you are not just one of my happy dreams. I know you are growing strong and healthy with each day that passes because your kicks are getting stronger and your movements more obvious. Last night daddy got a good kick as he was trying to hear you and said you are definitely going to be a footballer like him! Yesterday you were very quiet until around 10.30 pm when you decided it was party time. I think you enjoyed hearing your dad's voice so much you wanted to show him just how much you missed him during the day.

I tell you all the time how clever you already are. Whenever I am having a tough day in the office or when I am feeling down, you sense it and give me a gentle kick to remind me of what is important in life... YOU. You are truly the sunshine of my life and now you came into my life I cannot imagine my life without you in it. Whenever I look at your pictures I get a new sense of peace that I don't even could exist. You are such a pretty baby, with your cute little nose that, thank God, does not look like mommy's nose and your cute chin and long fingers. You are the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, I cannot wait to see your smile and ear your laugh because that smile will be the most beautiful of smiles and that laugh will be like music to my ears.

Daddy and I are busy preparing your room and we truly hope you will like it as much as we do. We have taken our time in getting started with it but we hope to get it ready for your arrival. We picked a nice baby blue colour to make it bright and light. Within the coming weekends and once the room is ready we are going to buy your cot and all the other things you could possibly need. We hope this room will be your happy place to play in and spend many days discovering every corner and also a safe place for you to feel secure and serene in. You will have the cool morning sunshine to wake up to and be sheltered during the warmer parts of the day. I am sure you will want to change it around once you grow up but for now we hope it suits your personality.

I feel so connected to you my sweet that I am sure once you are born, even if our bodies will no longer be connected, we will still have that amazing bond. I will miss having you inside of me and I will miss being pregnant with you because it's one of the most amazing experiences of my life. We longed for you for a long time my sweet and when you finally came into our lives we were amazed at all the different and amazing experiences we were living. From the first time we saw you on the screen, to the first time we heard your heart beating so strong, to the time we saw what your face looks like, all has been a dream come true. At times I still cannot believe we have been so blessed to have you in our lives and yet when I look at my growing belly and see your movements through my own skin, I know all is real and life is just perfect.

My little sweet you are one loved and wanted baby and we hope you are able to feel all that love. I hope you are able to feel daddy's kisses and cuddles and my gentle strokes, I hope they reassure you that the journey you are on is just beginning and that you have a wonderful life ahead of you. I have so many hopes and dreams for you sweetie pie but mainly I want for you to be happy in your life. I will do my very best to ensure that your childhood is a Happy one filled with laughter and joy. I will try my best to learn nursery rhymes with you so that I am able to sing you lullabies before bedtime and sing along to happy tunes. You seem to like Twinkle Twinkle already even though mummy only knows the first couple of lines.

I am sure you will love daddy telling you stories just as much as I do. They will spark your imagination and your curiosity and inspire you to want to see more than what is just in front of you. Your daddy is one amazing man my sweetie pie and he is so in love with you and cannot wait to hug you in his arms and kiss your rosy cheeks. He wanted you as much as I wanted you and even if he does not feel the bond I feel for having you grow inside of me, I can sense he is already connected to you. I have a feeling you will get along great and you will be his ray of light. His face already lits when he comes in and see my big belly because you are inside of it, he cannot stop kissing it and telling you how much he loves you. I am sure you feel all of his love but I cannot wait for that day in October for when the two of you meet face to face. It's going to be the best day of my life.

Ok, mommy got carried away with her words but when I start talking or writing about you, my little principessa I am not able to stop! I think I could talk about you all day if given the chance. Until next time, keep kicking my sweet angel and keep growing strong and healthy. I love you with all my heart and soul.

Your mommy xxx

First parenting class

2010-06-15T10:52:00.005+04:00

Last Friday we went to our first parenting class. These classes are complimentary once you register at the hospital I will deliver at. They are ran in the hospital on a Friday afternoon and they last one and half hours. We were running some errands before the appointment, we got paint for Izzy's room and some other D.I.Y. store kind of things and then we decided to go across town to get a new sprinkling system as well. We made it almost on time but we got lost as the hospital part where the lessons are held was deserted. Here Fridays are like Sundays in the western world so it was so quiet and no one was around to ask where to go.

We finally made it our teacher welcomed us by saying :"You are late". Now that was a great start. I could not believe she would say that even if we were 4 minutes late. In this part of the world you are ridiculed for being early and you realised pretty soon that there is no point getting to places early as all you will do is end up waiting. Well this time, we were the fools for being 4 minutes late. Anyway, the class was packed and we got a seat next to this American couple who brought along their cute 5 year old son. There were many nationalities in the class and the set up felt really welcoming. We were sitting on the floor on these gym mats with pillows behind are backs.

The first activity was an eye opener. We all (husbands and wives) got to take one gym ball, you know the big inflatable ones you see in exercise videos. Our teacher explained that by sitting on these balls and doing certain exercises it helps placing the baby in the correct position for labour. It also helps alleviate back pain and it's a more comfortable to sit this than on a chair. She also showed us how to lean on it in order to help with contractions and then she got all our husbands to do lovely massages and then we returned the favour! I was amazed and happy to learn about this tool. She recommended us all to get these balls and start using them daily. (We got ours on Saturday morning!) Read more here.

She then explained about nutrition and the usual food pyramid you see in a lot of pregnancy literature. She did say that pregnant women should take Omega 3 supplements as they help with brain and eye development in babies. I freaked out immediately as I had not taken Omega 3 supplements. How could I have missed this important information? Why didn't I know about it? Of course I do eat fish at least once a week but I am not taking supplements. The next day I went out and got a new pregnancy vitamin supplement that contains both Omega 3 and 6. I started taking them that day and I hope all will be OK.

We have 5 more classes and a hospital tour as well. I saw the list of what to expect from the next classes and there is a good mix of labour management techniques and getting ready for baby too. For classes 4/5/6 we need to bring a baby doll or a teddy bear. Now that should be interesting! I am looking forward to the tour with anticipation as it will give us a great idea of what to expect in terms of rooms and facilities. It'll make the whole experience less scary for when I go back to deliver in October. We are so looking forward to this week's class!

In other news, D painting of the nursery is ongoing. He finished half the room but now needs to apply masking tape to the ceiling so as to avoid splatters and start painting the rest of the walls. I am sure we will get a lot more done during the weekend. I was home all day yesterday as there was an electrical failure and we were left with no electricity at work. So I took advantage and covered the rest of the floor in plastic sheets and went around the house doing touch ups on the walls that had stains from when we moved in. It all looks brand new! I also had the maintenance team come in and fix our ac as we could smell the neighbour's cooking (not too bad of a smell!) but also their cigarette smoke which was irritating and considering we are bringing a baby home in less than 4 months it's dangerous. Our house is looking more like a home as the days go by.... it's a great place to go back to at the end of a working day!

D's first Father's Day

2010-06-13T11:11:00.003+04:00

Today in Belgium is Father's Day so given D is half Belgian we celebrate Father's Day! I bought him a card from Izzy and of course in the rush to getting to work I forgot to give it to him as planned and wish him happy father's day. (pregnant brain is hitting me hard!!). I called him instead once I got to work and told him that Isabella wanted to wish him Happy Father's Day. He seemed to excited about it and was taken aback when I told him that she wanted to wish happy father's day to the best daddy in the world. He said: "how would she know if I am the best daddy in the world?". He doesn't know it yet but he is already a great dad! He always asks me how his baby girl is doing and how she behaving, he loved hearing her move in the first few months when she was not strong enough for me to feel her move and now that she is strong and has grown so much he loves putting his hands on my belly and feel her strong kicks and movements. He covers Izzy in kisses already. He has even started painting her room yesterday and let me tell you, D is not and has never been a DIY kind of guy, he leaves that stuff to people whose job is to do this types of jobs or me before getting pregnant! Well yesterday he got the room ready and then he got started with the painting. He did such an amazing job already and has managed to do the first coating for half the room. I already know the room is going to look amazing by looking at what he has done so far! I helped with the masking tape and also by holding the ladder when he did the top portions of the ceiling. He is afraid of heights but you could not tell by looking at him yesterday, painting away and getting to those hard to get to places.

You know how some people are born to be parents, well D was born to be a dad. He has those qualities that make him a great dad, he is patient, kind, understanding, generous and easy to talk to. There isn't a day without many I love yous, plenty of kisses and cuddles. Even though Isabella is not born yet, he has started covering her in kisses and cuddling her and telling her how much daddy loves her. I already know that he is going to be the one she will go to to talk about problems and issues because she will know that he won't judge her and will be there for her no matter what. Don't get me wrong, he is not going to be a complete softy, there are things that he will not put up with such as tantrums and bullying of any type but I am sure he will be able to talk things out with her without making a huge fuss. Sometimes I close my eyes and think of that moment when Isabella will be born and D will be holding her for the first time. I tear up every time just thinking about it. That image is going to be one I will cherish for the rest of my life.

When we were TTC and then whilst going through IVF he was the one that kept on making me believe that it was still possible, that one day we will be expecting our baby and get the family we so longed for. He was so involved with the whole IVF process. He learned out to do all of my injections to be part of it and also to accommodate my need not to have to go to a hospital to do the injections. He learned and became a pro in no time. I still remember him being so nervous about mixing the drugs in the right way and injecting it without hurting me. Whenever we had accidents and with the second cycle we had a lot, I could see the pain in his eyes. I reassured him that it was not as bad as it looked but he was so happy the day we did the last injections. D was also with me for both my ERs and from my prospective he had much worst than I did. I was in agony, especially with the second one but I don't remember it, he watched it all and still remembers it very well. When I told him not to look, his reaction was as if I had lost my mind. How could he not look! What if something was going wrong, he had to know to protect me. He prayed and hoped as much as I did for IVF to work and for us to become parents and it was his involvement and the knowledge that he wanted this as much as I did that made this all much easier to fight for.

Happy Father's Day D.... we love you so much xxx

Isabella's kicks

2010-06-09T10:28:00.003+04:00

Isabella kicks a lot these days and I love it. She has her cycles of kicks. They go something like this:

I eat breakfast and after about 20 minutes the kicking starts;

I have a mid morning snack, bananas and raspberry yogurts are her favourites, and around 30 minutes later she starts kicking away again or moves from one position to the other;

I then I go for lunch and she does not kick straight away. She normally waits until the afternoon snack 2 or 3 pm to really kick and move around loads;

She is quiet for most of the afternoon kicking a little here and there and then when we go home from work she does one or two kicks (I think she can feel how happy I am to be going home!) LOL;

Then after dinner she kicks some more just so that daddy can feel her strong kicks;

I have never been woken up by her but once when we had a late night out I found she could not settle and was kicking away whilst I was trying to sleep.

Such a routine loving baby just like her mommy... I wonder if once she is born she will be the same or she will start rebelling and stay up all night and hate mornings like her daddy. Only time will tell but so far I am enjoying her timely kicks and movements. D used to be able to hear her movements by putting his ear to my belly but now he can just put his hand there and feel her strong kicks or see how she is moving around even from the outside.

In other news I am so looking forward to spending the weekend with D! It's been 4 weeks since we had a weekend together so this one is going to be super special. We want to go get the paint we have chosen and D said he will start painting. I prepared the room but still need to take the curtains down so that he can paint away. It's such a shame I won't be able to join in the fun but only watch from afar but I know it needs to get done so I won't complain. I also learned that our much loved pram which is still on its way will come all the way from New Zealand! I knew Phil & Teds is from New Zealand but I didn't know our pram would come directly from there! When I told D all he said was: "couldn't you buy it from somewhere closer?" I have said.. I didn't know! LOL

On Friday at 4.30 we have our first parenting class. I cannot wait to see what it's like! They are meant to be informative and teach you techniques for labour and also tell us about the hospital's policy on pain management. The midwife asked me if I wanted an elective C-section as she mentioned that a few IVF ladies she has seen in the past wanted that. I don't want a C-section unless it's necessary and I will leave that to the doctor to decide. I do want pain management drugs and I do want to learn more about their side effects on me and the baby also. She mentioned that with some drugs you might have issue if you want to breast feed so I would definitely want to know more. D is also super excited to go we and both hope it will be informative and fun also!

Friday is also the start of the World Cup and we cannot wait! We are big football (soccer) fans and cannot wait for it to get started. We will support Italy (my country) and Greece (D's half Greek) as Belgium did not make it. We were meant to go to South Africa to watch some matches but when when we found out I was pregnant we decided to cancel and I am glad we did. I could not see myself going from game to game and of course I cannot travel so that's out of the question. We will watch it from the comfort of our living room and we plan on having friends over for some of the matches too for pizza and beer nights. Should be GREAT fun!

Feeling great!

2010-06-06T11:25:00.011+04:00

Today I am 22 weeks which means I have completed my 5th month of pregnancy(right? I cannot figure this out at all!). I cannot believe I am 22 weeks pregnant. Where did time go? Next month and by coincidence the day after my 30th birthday, I will enter the third trimester. Wow, that's mind blowing to me. I cannot believe it's going so fast. The years of waiting to get pregnant were so slow as if time stopped. Since getting pregnant it's as if time wants to catch up with us!

This morning whilst doing my mediation exercise I had one of those deep thinking moments. You know the ones when you really think and I mean really really think about what's happening in my body and I just get blown away. I am growing a little person inside my body. I got the same "my mind will explode" feeling I get when I think of the universe... It's just so incredible to think that inside of me there is a little person who is growing and developing who, God willing - please let it all be ok, will come out in October and be her own independent little person. All I can say to that is.. incredible, amazing, unbelievable and even supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!! Life is just incredible.

In other news, D's brother got married yesterday but as the wedding was in Belgium and I cannot fly D went and we stayed. He left Friday morning and will be back tonight at 8. He said it was a beautiful day and that he will fill me in on all the details tonight. I cannot wait! Yesterday was also my dad's 61st birthday and I so wished I was there to celebrate it. Last year we all gathered in their house for a BIG 60th celebrations. He sounded really happy as he was with friends and he said he didn't want anything but to hold his granddaughter in October... made me cry! Anyway, as I had another weekend alone I decided to have a "Let's not do anything Friday" (here our weekends are Fridays and Saturdays and the working week starts on Sundays). I took D to the airport than got back and went straight to bed. I read a whole book in one day. I have never done this before and it was fun.

Yesterday I had the new cleaning company coming to the house to clean from 9 till 11 am. Unlike our previous arrangement in this one the cleaning ladies are dropped off at our house and they are picked up at the end of their shift. They also have our key so they can let themselves in if we are not here or if we are sleeping. I was happy with the standard I saw yesterday and it was so much less hassle for me. I went to get lunch out and then I went swimming. I put on my bathing suit and went. I was glad to see it still fits and the top part still covers most of my bump. I don't mind flaunting my bump but I tend to burn and this seemed like the perfect option. I am happy to say my bump is still stretch marks free but my legs.. oh my thighs and ass have doubled in size! Oh well, I don't care. I went in the pool and loved it. I did a couple of laps and then I floated in the water. I loved how I felt so light in the water and movement came really easy. Isabella loved it too. I could feel her kick in there after I came out. I think she wanted more! I have also started doing some antenatal yoga. I bought a DVD as all the classes are during the day! It's very good but a bit too quick. I am sure after I get used to it and learn the moves I will feel the benefit.

Tonight D comes back at 8 pm and I am literally counting down the hours! I keep checking his flight to see if he will be on time even though I know it's a useless exercise as I am always early. I have a new airport routine. I always get a hot chocolate whilst I wait and sometimes I buy a muffin as well, then I get my book or trashy mag out and read until D's flight lands. It's the only way I don't stare at all the weirdos that circulate in the airport! I am glad this is his last scheduled trip for the year. I am so happy that from now on he will be home with us. I miss him so much when he is gone that when he is back I never leave his side. After 10 years together that is pretty sad but what can I do... I am in love!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-02T10:58:00.008+04:00

(what is that outside our garden??)

National Aphasia Awareness Month - June 2010

2010-06-01T11:18:00.004+04:00

This month is National Aphasia Awareness Month. Aphasia, as described on the NAA's website, is an acquired communication disorder that impairs a person's ability to process language, but does not affect intelligence. Aphasia impairs the ability to speak and understand others, and most people with aphasia experience difficulty reading and writing. Millions of people around the world are effected by Aphasia and yet so very few know what Aphasia is or fail to recognise a person as aphasic. Last year in the UK a man who was later found to be suffering from a stroke was institutionalised and treated for mental illness after he suffered from a sudden inability to speak. Imagine being that man. Imagine being able to understand everything that is going on around you but not being able to speak or write. That man could have been my dad, it could have been anyone you know. That's why it is so essential people are aware of Aphasia and the effect it has on a person.

The majority of people suffer from Aphasia as a result of a stroke but it can also be the result of a head injury, brain tumor or other neurological causes. You cannot generalise Aphasia as there are so many different forms of it and you might never find two people with the same level. NAA describes the following as the main types of aphasia, the names of which are often derived from the area of the brain effected by the stroke or head injury:

Global aphasia: This is the most severe form of aphasia, and is applied to patients who can produce few recognizable words and understand little or no spoken language. Global aphasics can neither read nor write. Global aphasia may often be seen immediately after the patient has suffered a stroke and it may rapidly improve if the damage has not been too extensive. However, with greater brain damage, severe and lasting disability may result.

Broca's aphasia ('non-fluent aphasia'): In this form of aphasia, speech output is severely reduced and is limited mainly to short utterances of less than four words. Vocabulary access is limited and the formation of sounds by persons with Broca's aphasia is often laborious and clumsy. The person may understand speech relatively well and be able to read, but be limited in writing. Broca's aphasia is often referred to as a 'non fluent aphasia' because of the halting and effortful quality of speech.

Mixed non-fluent aphasia:This term is applied to patients who have sparse and effortful speech, resembling severe Broca's aphasia. However, unlike persons with Broca's aphasia, they remain limited in their comprehension of speech and do not read or write beyond an elementary level.

Wernicke's aphasia ('fluent aphasia'): In this form of aphasia the ability to grasp the meaning of spoken words is chiefly impaired, while the ease of producing connected speech is not much affected. Therefore Wernicke's aphasia is referred to as a 'fluent aphasia.' However, speech is far from normal. Sentences do not hang together and irrelevant words intrude-sometimes to the point of jargon, in severe cases. Reading and writing are often severely impaired.

My dad suffers from a form of Broca's aphasia. Immediately after his stroke, on Easter Sunday 2008, he was seen by a speech therapist in order to identify to what extent his speech had been affected and in order to start speech therapy. My dad spoke with his eyes at first and it was through his eyes that we were able to know that my dad was still in there. We had doubts at first but with time we were able to realise that he truly was in there. One advise that I held on from the very beginning was not to compare my dad's aphasia to other's. Being optimistic is a great medicine but being overly so can be crushing for the person going through it and for his/her family too. There are several guidelines that aid in gathering a general understanding on how to communicate with a person with aphasia, the most complete is found on the NAA's website. Here are the main points from my own experience with my dad:

Allow time for communication, don't rush for answers, fire away too many questions or cut in the middle of a sentence;

Make sure there are no other distractions. I found that if my dad is in an environment with a lot of noise or people around him his attention is not as it normally is and his communication levels suffer as a result;

Praise every effort and encourage him to carry on. It must be so frustrating to spend a good 5 minutes trying to say what you are thinking so when the sentence is finally done it feels like a big achievement;

Remind him of how he used to be straight after the stroke(head injury etch) and how far he has come now;

Don't make references to how he used to be before the stroke because that's not a fair comparison. Focus on the here and now;

Most importantly treat and speak to your loved one as you used to. He has not lost his intellect through aphasia. He is still the same intelligent person he used to be. Don't treat him otherwise.

There are no known cures for aphasia and the process to reestablish communication are difficult and lengthy. The main tool that can aid aphasia recovery is speech therapy. There are centers specialised in aphasia all over the world but spaces are often limited and the length of your therapy depends on availability. My dad is lucky to have found a great center that has allowed him speech and group therapy every day for the last year but as I have said he is one of the lucky few and more funding is needed in this area in order to allow the same opportunity to everyone who needs it.

It is also essential to know that aphasia can effect anyone, young or old, female or male, of whichever nationality. Shortly after my dad's stroke I started a facebook page called Aphasia Awareness and which has grown from only a few members to 441 members today. We have people from everywhere writing about their own personal experience with aphasia or others like me who need advice on a loved on. Most of the stories are truly inspirational, one in particular is the story of Sarah who had a stroke at the age of 18 and who has aphasia as a result of the stroke. Through her own determination together with the help of speech therapy and a great support system around her she is making terrific progress. Her mom is a member of the Aphasia Awareness group on facebook and I believe she is a truly inspirational woman. Her positive attitude and fighting spirit are just admirable. They have created a YouTube video of Sarah in order to spread stroke awareness and aphasia. Here is the link in case you want to see what amazing progress Sarah is making.

Last year during the month of June I raised awareness through my facebook page and also raised money in order to buy a camcorder for my dad's center. They use the camcorder to record one on one sessions as well as group session and later being able to see what progress has been made and also from the teacher's prospective identify areas of improvement. This year I have no energy so I will have to raise awareness mainly online and this is my first attempt.

If you want to know more about aphasia go to te NAA's website where you will find many links and useful information. It also contains links and advice in other languages. I hope this helps.

Making progress - 100th post!

2010-05-30T14:40:00.003+04:00

This is my 100th post! It does feel like yesterday that I started the blog whilst waiting for IVF cylce number 2 and here I am 21 weeks pregnant today. I will never stop saying that life has its ways of surprising you in the most amazing of ways!

Given it's the 100th post I want to make it a positive one. I worked out the courage to buy paint last week. I went on my own as D was working and got about 10 miniature paints that just happened to be on sale. I lined them all up on our kitchen counter and they stayed there until Friday. Friday we have our cleaning lady come over and spend a good 5 hours cleaning the house from top to bottom. As the little cans were in the way I put them in a lovely pink bag and brought them up to Peanut's room. They stayed there until Friday at 11 pm. I was already in bed by then but I could not sleep. D went on his company retreat last Wednesday night and when he is away I never sleep well. So I was tossing and turning and decided to get up and paint instead. I "borrowed" a doctor's mask from the first aid kit at work.. I know, "bad girl"! I put that on and I scared myself when I looked in the mirror.. I would not make a pretty doctor!! How do the people on Gray's do it??? Anyway, I put on the mask, got some paper for the floor and my brand new paint brush and I started. My back started hurting at the end cause I kept on bending over to wash the brush etc but I was happy with the result. I stuck the stickers from the bottom of the cans to check which paint is which and voila'. Nursery colour selection is ready!

Here is proof:

I like the first colour from left and the second from right the most. I tried the colours in the bright light first thing in the morning and at night with the ligths on and off and the two that look the best all around are these two. I sent D a picture of it and he likes the first one from left the most. We shall see what he thinks when he sees the colours in person. He is back tonight and I cannot wait to see which one he goes for. Once we agree I can start preparing the room and he can get started on the paint. I already know which paint to get. I cannot find no VOC paint here but I have found one that is Green Certified with low VOC. I suppose it will have to do. I intend to leave the balcony door open so that we air the room out completely.

In other positive news, I allowed myself the pleasure to go for a pregnancy massage yesterday. I booked it when I went to get my hair cut last time and have been debating it in my head ever since. One minute I was set on going, the next I was talking myself out of it. On Friday whilst the cleaning lady was busy I emptied out my wardrobe of all the clothes that I no longer fit into. Which leaves little or no pre-maternity clothes left in my closet. I spent a good 2 hours tidying up the clothes and then bringing them all downstairs to be placed in one of our suitcases for later discovery. All the work of the day plus the night painting gave my back a run for its money and by the end of the day I was so really tired. That was the deciding factor in going for the massage. I stopped thinking about it and I just showed up for my appointment at 4. I know the spa as I go for my eyebrow threading and hair cuts there but I hadn't tried their massages yet. My masseuse was there to welcome me with some fruit tea which considering the heat outside, went down like a treat. She explained how she wanted me to be lying down and how to move from one position to the next. She also showed me the oil she would be using which is especially formulated for pregnant women. I felt reassured and safe knowing I was in good hands. Once I allowed myself the chance to relax and enjoy, the massage was pure bliss. Isabella enjoyed it too as she was kicking away happily. I left the spa in a super relaxed state of body and mind. Isabella still kicking away but then she always kicks away when I drive. I figure she likes being in the car.. I think the movements and the vibrations from the car must wake her up! She kicks a lot to Razorlight music and Britney Spears... oh dear! The verdict on the pregnancy massage is that I will go back as soon as I feel like I need another one. I am glad I did not allow my fears to get in the way of enjoying this lovely experience.

Today D gets back and I am so excited. It's the first time he goes away on a "holiday" without me. OK, it was not exactly a holiday it was a company retreat but wives and partners were allowed to go so under normal circumstances I would have gone along too. He went to Macau which he did not find to be that impressive, it's like Vegas but all in Chinese. There are historic parts of town but unless you are into gambling you are not going to enjoy it much. Yesterday he went to visit Hong Kong and he fell in love with it. He said it's so clean and modern but with older building and that the streets are like those of London. He spent the day exploring with some colleagues and managed to do some shopping at an open air market. He said that he ate the best Chinese food ever and that we don't even know what Chinese food is like until we have tried the real deal. That made me so hungry and still does as I type!! LOL I cannot wait to hear all about it in more details and seeing the pictures!! I miss him so much when he is gone and for the last 2 weekends and more he has been so busy with work and then this trip and I already know this week is a short one as he is off to Belgium for his brother's wedding on Friday morning till Sunday night. I cannot wait for a weekend just the two of us away from it all. Anyway, he is coming back tonight and he will be all mine for the next 5 days ... that's what counts!! Cannot wait.. I feel like a child!!!

My family - my dad

2010-05-27T16:08:00.000+04:00

I have realised I have not spoken about my family yet and felt a sense of guilt so today I want to put that straight starting with my dad.

I come from an air force family. My dad was a pilot in the Italian air force and we were followed him wherever his work took him. We moved pretty often and we lost count of how many different houses we lived in and how many different schools we attended. We made friends just to lose them a couple of years later. We were always the new kids in school. The good thing about being air force kids is that you got to live amongst other kids who all went through the same thing. They understood us and never made us feel "strange" about our gypsy lives. We also had our own private facilities that "civilians" wouldn't have access to. We would have pools and tennis courts, parks to safely play in, officers mess to go eat at and food rations! It was a bit of a life outside ordinary life and the first time I lived somewhere that was not an air force base was when I went to Uni. I still feel a tingling feeling when I pass airbases or when I go visit one, that was our life.

My dad did really well for himself and went up the ranks pretty quickly. He hated desk jobs and loved flying. Whenever the air force stuck him in an office for a couple of years he would go into a depression. His love for flying and for being in that kind of active environment was what made him happy. He had two major crashes in his career but luckily he survived both. The biggest of the two happened when I was just 2 years old and he was lucky to make it safe to the ground minus a couple of bad bruises. He was an amazing leader to his men and people loved him wherever he went. When he came to family life.. he was a military man. He was not a big fan of being called daddy and he didn't believe in hugs and kisses. He was hardly home but when he was home we knew we had to be on our best behaviour. He wanted me and my brother to be competitive at sports and I always felt he thought we were a big disappointment in that sense. He just didn't understand us. He retired early from the air force when they told him he could not fly but still went on to become a consultant to the air force. So he was still going on simulators and teaching students.

This was my dad until two years ago. The dad I know now is a completely different person so in a way it is as if I have two dads. Two years ago he suffered a major stroke which he survived and he is lucky to be alive. After 6 months in hospital he was deemed fit enough to go home. He only stayed home 1 month and then he had to be readmitted because his heart went into atrial fibrillation again. Since then he has undergone heart surgery and with the help of medication his heart seems to be under control. The stroke has changed my dad in many ways. He had to learn how to eat and swallow solid foods, how to walk again and then run. He recovered very well but he still cannot use his arm/right hand but he attends physiotherapy sessions 3 times in order to keep active and hopefully recover more. This hasn't stopped him from getting a modified car and learning how to drive again! I told you he is a fighter

The stroke has also affected my dad's ability to speak. He has Broca's Aphasia. When he first came out of ICU we thought he could not understand us at all but as we researched and learned more about Aphasia, we discovered that Aphasia does not mean a loss of intellect. So as much as his ability to communicate has been impaired, his intellect is intact. He had to learn a new method of teaching his brain how to speak all over again because the impulses that we have as babies and that help us learn how to speak were gone. He attends a specialised center and has formed a great bond with Anna, his speech therapist. He is a fighter in every sense of the word and has gone such a long way from not being able to say yes or no to now being able to be make full sentences. He is still struggling on a daily basis for people to respect the fact that he is still the same person and for others not to treat him differently. He has many ups and downs but overall he is doing so great and I am so proud of what he has achieved and what he aims to achieve in the future. Last year on his 60th birthday he stood up and made a speech to all of us. Needless to say we were all in tears by the end of it. Such a proud moment!

The biggest change that I have noticed in my dad since the stroke is how much his behaviour has changed towards us. Whenever we see him he always tells us he is proud of us and that he loves us. He shows a lot of affection towards my mom in a way that he wouldn't before. He is a different dad and a different man and in a strange way he is a better dad now than he has ever been in the past. It is as if he has realised how he could have lost it all and as if the stroke made him realise what's really important in life.

I am so grateful to have another chance at building a relationship with my dad and I am thankful he is still alive to tell him how much I love him.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-26T11:35:00.004+04:00

Our daughter's face....

2010-05-24T15:57:00.010+04:00

I write to you from cloud nine, I have been there since 9.15 am this morning and I have no intention of coming down any time soon!

As you have guessed the scan went really well. Isabella is doing really good and all looks just as it should be. The ultrasound was super high tech and the technician was so sweet and knew what she was doing. She first looked at our baby and took all the measurements that she needed to take, like her head, thigh bone, heart and even her kidneys and many more parts that we didn't even recognise. After she was done measuring and she was sure all was ok she played our daughter's heartbeat and that was great too at 150 bpm. Then all of a sudden she pressed something and from a black and white picture of Isabella we saw her face. I started crying my eyes out. She is the most beautiful , most perfect little girl I have ever seen. The technician made me move to the right, where Isabella normally is so she could getter a better look at her face. It was so quick on the screen but once she printed out the pictures, you can see her features so well. She was sucking her thumb just like I used to do as a baby and she sleeps with her hand to her head just like her daddy does. It was incredible and D and I could not stop looking at her picture. We are so in love.

After the ultrasound we went to see our midwife who guided us through the results of the blood tests I took last time as well as the u/s. My blood work came back all great but my iron is slightly low so I am now on iron tablets for a month. No big deal and to be honest I was expecting this as I suffered from mild anemia for a while before getting pregnant. All the rest looks great and my glucose levels looks great so unless they drastically change I get to avoid doing the glucose test! Happy about that as it does not sound like much fun! She went through the ultrasound results and told us all looks just as it should do and gave us facts about Isabella. She measure 20w3d, my placenta is posterior, the amniotic fluid is just right and all looks great.

It was D's first visit at the hospital so I was anxious to hear his reaction of my choice and he was super impressed. He thought the place is really well organised and uses the highest technology which he is happy about. I can breath a sight of relief. It is a bit strange as it's a government hospital so the men have to wait in special waiting rooms but they really didn't make a fuss and everyone made him feel welcomed. We go back in 4 weeks (at 24 weeks) too check all is ok and then at 32 weeks I have an appointment with my doctor (haven't met him yet) to discuss my birthing plan. That should be fun!

I feel so extremely blessed. Pregnancy has been the most amazing experience of my life so far. I still feel like I am living in one perfect dream. Life does not get better than this. Most nights I am just happy sitting on the couch feeling Isabella moving and seeing my belly button moving up and down forming waves. Knowing that it's our daughter doing this makes it incredible. When I think back about our TTC days and the days when we really thought this would never happen, I just feel extremely lucky to be experiencing all of this magic. To now be able to put a face to our daughter makes it all more real and I truly hope that the worrying about whether this is all real will cease. I am so in love.

Now here are the pictures of our beautiful Isabella Anna:

20 weeks today

2010-05-23T12:50:00.003+04:00

Today we are 20 weeks and at the halfway point of pregnancy. It truly feels amazing to say we are halfway there. So many changes have taken place since I got pregnant and as I haven't broken them down yet, in honour of being 20 weeks I thought I would do so today.

Weight gained so far: 7kg (15 pounds) I could not believe it but the scale does not lie!!I have always been a size 10 UK (US 4) and I am now a 12 UK ( US 6). I am happy with the weight I am putting on and have decided to put all my pre-pregnancy clothes that don't fit away until the baby is here in order to make more space for the clothes that do fit me!

Biggest change: my belly of course and my boobs. A friend suggested I buy a bra extender and it's been a life saver. I would be going through bras like there is no tomorrow if it weren't for them.

Best maternity purchase: the Spoiled Mama creams! They cost me a lot but it really was an investment and they really do live up to the hype. My skin is super soft and smooth and no stretch marks in sight.. oh and I smell lovely!!! Oh and also The Expectant Father book I got for D. He loves reading it each month and it has reassured him and me on a couple of occasion! I would highly recommend it!

Movement: started Wednesday the 12th of May with just a few quick movements and it is now getting stronger each day! I can now feel her kick and move from one side to the other. I feel her more at around 3/4 pm, during the evenings after dinner and when I try to go to sleep.

Major purchase for Isabella: the pram. It took me a long time to find it but I believe we found the best one for us. I just cannot wait to receive it now, it should be here in mid- June.

Nursery progress: I can proudly say I am finally making progress. Yesterday, I went to get lots of different small bottles of pain to try out in Isabella's room. I know it's a small step but we are getting there and that is what counts. I will post the pics of how the different colours we are are considering look in her room and also of the one we will pick!

How is D doing: he loves his little girl and speaks to her all the time. He cannot believe how much my body has changed but whether I am having one of those moments or not, he always tells me that I am a "yummy mummy"! He has been very supportive of me and my moodiness and craziness at times. He is worried about being able to support us financially, even if I work too but I think that is a natural phase all expectant fathers go through. We try to talk most of our worries out even though I have noticed that he is trying his best not to tell me his so as not to worry me. From now on I will have to make more of an active effort to ask him how he is feeling and let him know that he can still speak to me.

Sleeping: not so great. My nose gets stuffy and my mouth dries out which makes is harder to sleep. I used to sleep mainly on my belly so now that I can no longer do that I toss and turn a lot (waking up D most nights). I also go to the bathroom once a night which used to make going back to sleep impossible, but by now I am used to it.

Cravings: no major or weird ones yet. I did have a craving for tuna melts last week but that was it so far.

Best moments: we have been blessed with so many in the last 20 weeks that I don't where to start. From the actual "we are pregnant" moment, to the first ultrasound, to finding out that we were having a girl, to the first kick, to talking to her and feeling like she is the best gift in the universe. I could go on because every day is a blessing and a small miracle and we are so thankful for what we have been granted.

Next big step: tomorrow we have our 20 week anomaly ultra sound and we cannot wait. We pray all looks great and that she is developing as she should be. We also hope to be able to see her pretty face because it's been since week 13 that we saw her face last!

Saying goodbye to our Miracle Doctor

2010-05-19T20:27:00.005+04:00

Today is a better day. Thanks for all your messages, they made me feel less of a weirdo about feeling the way I do. Last night I spoke to D and he says that we should take it one step at the time in terms of the nursery. We can start by choosing a colour for the room. So this weekend we are going to get some colours to try them on and we'll see where we get from there.

Yesterday was our last appointment at our RE's clinic. Up until we have been so lucky to have been able to be looked after by her exclusively, however even if I trust her 100% I don't trust the hospital she delivers in and the shame is that she cannot deliver in the one I want to deliver in. We made the choice of delivering in the main maternity hospital in the city, the one with the more specialised staff and the one with a specialised NICU. I went to open a file there two weeks ago and then last week I went for my first visit with a midwife and I was so impressed. Everyone is super friendly, helpful and welcoming. So as our insurance does not cover me seeing two doctors I had to make a choice and given the fact that I will deliver in that hospital it makes sense for me to get my check ups there and get to know the staff that will deliver our baby girl.

So that bring us to yesterday's goodbye. Dr.S was so understanding about our decision, she completely respected the fact that we felt more comfortable in that hospital and that we wanted to become familiar with the staff there. She recommended a doctor for us to see whom she knows so that if she needs to provide him with any updates during the delivery they can be in touch. As it was our last visit with her and given the fact that we last saw her 3 weeks ago she did a quick u/s to check on Peanut and to make sure all is ok with her. She looked so much bigger, her head was right under my belly button and her legs were near my bladder. We saw her long spine and her lovely hands which are always around her face. We were able to only get a glimpse of her lovely face but she was shy so we have to wait for that. She also confirmed with this cute u/s picture that Peanut is indeed a girl! She measured her head and for the first time she is right on schedule for a 10/10/2010 delivery!

After the visit we sat down for a goodbye chat and I begged Dr.S not to retire because we want to come back for baby number 2 with her. Dr.S and her husband own the clinic she works in, her husband was also a RE but he has now retired. She said she is looking to hire more doctors to carry out the work and for her to have more of a supervisory role with more . We also asked the delicate question about our embryos. I won't go into it now as this will take a whole post on its own right but it's not great news. We thanked her so much and said that we will keep her updated on our progress and definitely be in touch. I can see myself going back if I am not satisfied with the level of care I receive at the hospital or if I am not happy with some results I get or just to pop by and say hello. I truly hope she will be working when we start thinking about baby number 2 because she truly made our miracle happen, she is our Miracle Doctor with a big heart and no matter what happens in the future she will always hold a special place in our hearts.